Please help - Masturbation & Pornography // Scrupulosity

[Donald_L]

Hi.
I had no idea which category to post this in so here goes -

Since I was 12 I’ve struggled with severe scrupulosity causing me to stay away from the sacraments for the last 3 years, and also causing personal embarrassment on myself as since I have stayed away from the sacraments I have been a topic of gossip for all for these 3 years. Staying away from the sacraments for so long has gotten me into some bad habits. Namely Porn and Masturbation. I would really love to return but the severe anxiety I receive thinking I’ve commited a mortal sin and obsessing over whether I have it not is too much for me to handle. My scrupulosity revolves around blasphemous and sexual thoughts. Any fruitful advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Donald.

 

[JetteZ]

Have you read the book “Every Man’s Battle”? It gives a great explination on why men are biologically more likely to commit these kinds of sins while also providing a plan on how to stop.

Admitting you are committing this sin is a wonderful first step.

Going to confession will absolve you of the past and allow you to move forward.

It won’t be easy but you absolutely can overcome this.

 

[Vico]

I would really love to return but the severe anxiety I receive thinking I’ve commited a mortal sin and obsessing over whether I have it not is too much for me to handle. My scrupulosity revolves around blasphemous and sexual thoughts. Any fruitful advice

You can ask the priest in confession if it is mortal and he will help with that determination if necessary. Remember the Catechism 2352 (excerpt):

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

 

[rmichaelj]

Go to confession, a lot, the priest is there to guide you so that you don’t become scrupulous on one hand or presumptive on the other. Unfortunately you will need to be very careful about which priest you go to. One thing you can ask about is artificial contraception. If the priest is faithful to that teaching, then they are probably ok on the issues you are dealing with.

Try to go to confession when the priest isn’t rushed (dealing with possible scrupolosity takes more time than an average confession). Prepare to go to confession a lot for the same type of sin- the devil will use shame to keep you away (one reason he is called “the accuser”).

Also some advice, custody of the eyes is obvious, but Fasting is also an important tool when dealing with this type of sin. More fasting than the minimum the church now requires (but not so much you permanently harm yourself, obviously).

The other advice is to develop the virtue of humility. This virtue helps combat the lust which can be associated with pride, but also helps with the scrupulousity (which paradoxically also has a component of pride to it). Meditation on the Annunciation is a good way to start on developing this virtue.

Pax Vobis

 

[exnihilo]

You’ve got to work on the scrupulousity. That seems to me you’re number one problem. Not that the others aren’t serious problems, but if you don’t avail yourself of the healing the Church offers progress will be much harder.

You do understand the difference between a thought entering your mind and you entertaining the thought, right? A lot of folks, including myself, have struggled with that. The most heinous thoughts imaginable can spring into your mind. But if you don’t entertain them it is no sin at all. In fact having disgust for bad thoughts is a good sign you aren’t entertaining them.

I definitely think talking to a priest that deals with scruples is what would help you the most.

 

[Crusaderbear]

You seem to have it backwards. Your Porn/Self Abuse habit is keeping you away from God and the sacraments. Go to confession, talk to the priest, then get on with life. It won’t stop suddenly, but you will learn to control your urges and regain your place with the Lord.

 

[Donald_L]

Thank you for the responses! I don’t think I can bring myself to go to Confession after all the mental suffering I received after going in the early days… I wish I had a cross that wasn’t so public. God bless!

 

[Vico]

Thank you for the responses! I don’t think I can bring myself to go to Confession after all the mental suffering I received after going in the early days… I wish I had a cross that wasn’t so public. God bless!

Have you not read Matthew 16?

24 Then Jesus said to his disciples: If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25 For he that will save his life, shall lose it: and he that shall lose his life for my sake, shall find it. 26 For what doth it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his own soul? Or what exchange shall a man give for his soul? 27 For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels: and then will he render to every man according to his works.

 

[Robert_Sock]

I sincerely sympathize with you. Staying away from sin is really quite easy if there’s no temptation, but when sexual arousal and impure thoughts occur simultaneously, it’s very easy to become a victim of these types of sins. Please read the following, as I think it provides valuable insights:

So long as we live in this world, we cannot remain without trial and temptation: as Job says, “Man’s life on earth is a warfare.” We must therefore be on guard against temptations, and watchful in prayer, that the Devil find no means of deceiving us; for he never rests, but prowls around seeking whom he may devour. No one is so perfect and holy that he is never tempted, and we can never be secure from temptation…

No man can be entirely free from temptation so long as he lives; for the source of temptation lies within our own nature, since we are born with an inclination towards evil. When one temptation or trial draws to a close, another takes its place; and we shall always have something to fight, for man has lost the blessing of original happiness. Many try to escape temptations, only to encounter them more fiercely, for no one can win victory by flight alone; it is only by patience and true humility that we can grow stronger than all our foes.

The man who only avoids the outward occasions of evil, but fails to uproot it in himself, will gain little advantage. Indeed, temptations will return upon him the sooner, and he will find himself in a worse state than before. Little by little and by patient endurance you will overcome them by God’s help, better than by your own violence and importunity. Seek regular advice in temptation, and never deal harshly with those who are tempted, but give them such encouragement as you would value yourself.

The beginning of all evil temptation is an unstable mind and lack of trust in God. Just as a ship without a helm is driven to and fro by the waves, so a careless man, who abandons his proper course, is tempted in countless ways. Fire tempers steel, and temptation the just man. We often do not know what we can bear, but temptation reveals our true nature. We need especially to be on our guard at the very onset of temptation, for then the Enemy may be more easily overcome, if he is not allowed to enter the gates of the mind: he must be repulsed at the threshold, as soon as he knocks. Thus the poet Ovid writes, “Resist at the beginning; the remedy may come too late.” For first there comes into the mind an evil thought: next, a vivid picture: then delight, and urge to evil, and finally consent. In this way the Enemy gradually gains complete mastery, when he is not resisted at first. And the longer a slothful man delays resistance, the weaker he becomes, and the stronger his enemy grows against him…

We must not despair, therefore, when we are tempted, but earnestly pray God to grant us his help in every need. For, as Saint Paul says, “With the temptation, God will provide a way to overcome it, that we may be able to bear it.”
–The Imitation of Christ

 

[dallas_r]

I’ve been there. Never give up. Don’t overload yourself with prayer cause then you will get burnt out. Pray in the morning, midday, at night, before meals, or just say a quick something to God. I try to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet at 3:00 because I feel strongly towards it. Don’t do a devotion that you don’t like for there is no requirement. Try to keep yourself busy during the day and put prayer first, school second. If you keep yourself busy you will be so tired you don’t even want to watch pornography or masturbate. Ask for the Blessed Mother’s protection against this sin and ask St. Thomas Aquinas to intercede and pray for you. Do not fear your sin as it will be the devil who fears you once you conquered it. Try getting used to the Rosary starting one decade a day and adding one more decade the next.

 

[robertmidwest]

severe anxiety

What are you doing to treat this? Are you getting counseling? Medication? Exercise?

 

[oxstrong]

bad habits. Namely Porn and Masturbation

Donald.

A few ideas for you. I struggle as well. Likely something I’ll never overcome, but I’ve made progress.

First, recognize where and how it generally begins. For me, at night especially, I try to keep my phone at bay. Porn is literally one click away for all of us. Try to take yourself out of that situation.

Also, for me, I go to confession weekly so that I’m in a good place with God for the Eucharist. Which has segued into me attempting to be celibate over the course of the week. I initially wanted to test myself. Generally I cave before confession again on Saturday, but I’m making an effort and have gone from doing those things once, twice a day to something like once, twice a week.

Last but not least, ask God to send the Holy Spirit down to you with the sole purpose of helping you rebuke Satan and not be a slave to sin with regard to this particular issue. Your prayers, plus the Holy Spirit, plus these small steps, will certainly help a bit! As I type to you right now on my device, Satan is tempting me to look at other things, but after I click Reply I’m putting down the phone and picking up the bible.

Good luck!

 

[Melodeonist]

From personal experience, I find the best way to combat many sins, especially LUST, is to stop watching/viewing secular content such as YouTube, movies made after the Hays code ended, video games, etc. and start reading the Bible. Don’t just read it for 5 minutes either. I’d say aim for at least 30 minutes every day, but try for even more.

My current Bible strategy is this: I ask God before reading to help me understand the scriptures, increase my faith, and make me hate sin. I also offer up my reading time as a prayer. I then open up to a random spot (I avoid the Song of Songs though), and read some chapters. If I find myself getting bored, I’ll either push through or switch to another book in the Bible. When finished, I usually ask God to help me take the scriptures to heart and to increase my faith or something like that.

Reading the Bible has greatly increased my faith, but I could not do this without God.

 

[Flathatter45]

Donald,

Prayer, fasting and the sacraments are all necessary. keep them up, BUT there is more. Hit the gym 3 - 4 times a week, and lift heavy weights. Google stronglift 5 by 5. Throw in some light cardio too. Are you eating clean, getting enough sleep? Also, and this is very important, when was the last time you walked up to a real live girl, smiled at her and initiated a conversation with her? You need to experience girls as real people, as the genuine article, not just images on the screen and in your mind. Girls are far more awesome when you experience them as real people. Once you do, believe me, the allure of the fantasy realm loses much of its lustre. Best wishes!.