Please help me deal with the whole "not having a boyfriend" thing

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I’m 21 (almost 22) and I still haven’t had a boyfriend before or gone on a date. Although I wouldn’t say that I’m exactly in the same boat since I have stopped myself a step short of going on an actual date. Not having a boyfriend at 18 isn’t a big deal. At this point in your life, you should be more concerned about understanding what kind of person you are and finding out the type of person you want to be and how to achieve that.

If you do want to have boyfriend, that sort of thing will happen on its own. Just be open to meeting to new people and work on building new relationships.

Good job on the gpa. I was close to achieving that but at this point, it’s never going to happen with XXX number of things going on in my life.
 
allthatisgold93 said:
Hello everyone. I’m sure this is going to seem silly, but I still cannot get rid of these feelings.

I’m 18 years old and have never, ever had a boyfriend before; not even a guy slightly interested in me!
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That’s not that strange, really, and in the long run it might suit you. The vast majority of teen relationships fizzle out as quickly as they begin. I only know few people that started a relationship as teens that lasted more than a year and a half.
allthatisgold93 said:
And I do not know why that is. I am a little shy, but am able to carry on conversations with guys…I just don’t like to throw myself at them, as I do not think that is very becoming of a young woman.
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And that’s a good thing.
allthatisgold93 said:
I was homeschooled, which I will admit did keep the people I associated with to a minimum. However, I am now a sophomore in college, and still nothing has happened.

I’m sure it sounds petty, but it is so difficult to see all of my friends have boyfriends when I have no one. It’s a bit embarrassing, too.
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I think it’s irritating for anyone who’s single, to see friends in relationships, but don’t measure yourself against everyone else. It’s not “wrong” for you to be single just because everyone isn’t.

If you’re going to have a boyfriend, 1) do it at the right time and 2) when you feel right with yourself. Otherwise, even if you do find a relationship, it won’t be that great. Believe me, I’ve involved myself in relationships at the first opportunity when it was inconvenient and when I was sorting through loads of other problems in my life. When they ended, it was rough–rougher than they would have been if I had waited.
allthatisgold93 said:
I feel like I’m ugly and like that might be the problem.
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Look at Cheryl Cole and Kim Kardashian. They’re beautiful, but they overlooked or ignored some blatant character flaw in their exes that other people recognised. Why didn’t they see it or act on it at once?

Because if you don’t have self-confidence, if you’re always second-guessing yourself, you’re going to find it difficult to attract anyone quite honestly and you’re likely going to settle for less, and end up excusing or ignoring unacceptable behaviour from your partner. It has nothing to do with beautiful or ugly. In the long run, looks don’t matter much. I’d rather have an average-looking girlfriend who’s clever, generous, and confident, than a clingy, depressed glamour model.
allthatisgold93 said:
I’ve tried so many times to forget about having a relationship and to turn my thoughts to college, which is also very important to me. I have a 4.0 average, and work incredibly hard to maintain it…but the feelings still stay, no matter how much I try to focus on school.

I am asking for prayer, please, and some advice if you have the time. I just do not know what to do anymore, and it makes me feel badly about myself, and like I am a loser or something.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Take care and God bless.
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I think you should focus on the friendships and acquaintances to fill in the loneliness. Make some platonic male friends, if you don’t have any. And don’t wear yourself down with school. Your time at uni as short and while I advise you to keep up your studies, you don’t need to keep perfect marks if it means sacrificing your personal life. You need to work hard, but you need to play hard as well.
 
Maybe this will be of no value.

I’m a guy, and getting on in age. But I was in the dating game for a long time. Before that, i was in the “shy” game for a good while.

You probably won’t believe me when I tell you this, but I can absolutely guarantee that there are young men who are attracted to you. I know that because I was once a young man, and I found a great range of young women attractive, and for all kinds of varied reasons. Sometimes it was for looks, sometimes for personality, sometimes for intelligence and sometimes for reasons I never did figure out. I was once greatly attracted to one girl simply because she could dance well. Another, it was her smile. It was just different somehow. It was surprising for the shape of her mouth otherwise; like hearing melodious chimes coming out of an ordinary water pipe. For a long time I felt the same way you do. But eventually I realized that I wasn’t being very perceptive. There were actually a good number of girls who were attracted to me, or at least potentially so, but I just wasn’t reading the signs. That takes learning, just as it takes learning to know how to act on them or to give signs that you are attracted to a person.

Later on, when I finally “caught on”, I could have kicked myself a thousand times for my previous lack of perception. But it’s all just part of the game.

You’ll be fine. But do pay closer attention. Okay? 🙂
 
Can I say, just as a 21 year old guy, and blessed by God with social skills, a lot of people I see dating at such a young age as ours very rarely turns into something fruitful.

Why?

Because a lot of people our age make it their goal to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. They throw themselves at their dates. And of course, when you make that goal your whole being, and you throw yourself at every potential person, you’ll get a person. But it won’t necessarily be the person you need.

Those same people, when they break up and are single, seem to constantly talk about the next people they’re going to go on a date with. It’s a little sickening.

We’re called to be more than that. Yes, finding a partner and doing God’s will is an important part of the human plan for salvation. But there’s a certainly a lot more you can do to be the person God wants you to be!

Have a little faith, a good guy will come around 😃

EDIT: I just read you got a 4.0 GPA average. Wow. What are you doing at college?
 
You should be proud that you haven’t messed around with a bunch of stupid guys. 😛
Having a boyfriend means nothing, keep in mind you’re looking for a man to spend the rest of your life with, not just some guy. When you meet the right person, you’ll know, and it will happen. You sound like an amazing girl and whoever marries you will be very lucky. Also, never be embarrassed about having standards. Remember that there was a reason why you have never had a boyfriend or thrown yourself at boys. God bless you! I’ll pray for you. 🙂
 
I was 12 when I discerned my vocation to marriage (with the help of a very holy priest, a youth retreat and lots of prayers), but I didn’t get asked out on a date until I was 23. My second date didn’t come for another year. It was really hard to be waiting for God’s perfect timing while everyone else I knew was dating and getting married and starting a family. It got to the point where I had known I was called to marriage for more than half my life but it still wasn’t God’s plan for me at that time in my life.

The priest who helped me discern my vocation would often say that while marriage or consecrated life might be the permenant vocation God has called us to, we should not ignore the temporary vocation God has for us right here and right now. Pray to find acceptance of God’s timing for your life and guidance for how to live the life God want’s you to live right now.
 
I’m in my mid-50s, so I don’t know if I can offer any ‘wisdom’…but here goes…:rolleyes:

Don’t get all upset about not finding a boyfriend right away. You’re still young, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you (yeah, I know it’s a cliche 🤷).

At your age, I was a shy person too. Still am to some extent.

And I’ve never had a boyfriend, either. So it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have one.

In my younger days, not having a boyfriend kept me away from things like underage drinking, drug-taking and promiscuous behavior. Plus not being to drive until I was 21-had to depend on my parents for transportation until then.

Don’t worry about the ‘boyfriend’ thing-stay busy with your studies and with ‘good’ activities at school. Don’t give in to ‘peer pressure’-be an example of moral behavior!
 
Dakota_Roberts said:
Pick up Dungeons and Dragons as a hobby, it’s fun and there isn’t exactly a shortage of guys
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I personally approve of this message. Also, take Computer Science classes.

But in all seriousness, everyone else is right. I know it can be very frustrating but the only thing one can really do is have patience and pray for God’s guidance.
 
Us guys are pretty overrated. I wouldn’t want to rush into anything with us. We can be pretty dense sometimes.

That is seriously the most helpful advice I can give you. But I am pretty dense so take it with a grain of salt.
 
joshvanrad said:
Us guys are pretty overrated. I wouldn’t want to rush into anything with us. We can be pretty dense sometimes.

That is seriously the most helpful advice I can give you. But I am pretty dense so take it with a grain of salt.
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Very true. :yup: And we take a long time to mature.
 
I had the exact same thoughts as an 18-year-old. No boyfriend until I met my DH when I was 22. Now I’m 25 and married with 2 children! So I would say there is hope for you…
 
Well, from reading your post you are certainly nothing near being a “loser”! You have so many positive things going for you! Count me among those that didn’t have a boyfriend until I was in my mid-20s. Life just happens at a different pace for people, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I understand that it might feel discouraging (because it felt that way for me), but in the end, when the time is right, the right guy for you will come along! Until then, focus on all of the positive things in your life and your wonderful qualities! Be proud of who you are and have confidence in yourself!
 
It’s hard to see friends with significant others when you yourself seem to have no one. But, don’t fall into that trap of comparing yourself to others. It sounds cliche after reading the other posts, but you have your whole life ahead of you.

You can go anywhere, do anything, be anyone you want to be, without being tied down to someone else. The right person will come along when you least expect it.👍
 
Liquid47 said:
Can I say, just as a 21 year old guy, and blessed by God with social skills, a lot of people I see dating at such a young age as ours very rarely turns into something fruitful.

Why?

Because a lot of people our age make it their goal to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. They throw themselves at their dates. And of course, when you make that goal your whole being, and you throw yourself at every potential person, you’ll get a person. But it won’t necessarily be the person you need.

Those same people, when they break up and are single, seem to constantly talk about the next people they’re going to go on a date with. It’s a little sickening.

We’re called to be more than that. Yes, finding a partner and doing God’s will is an important part of the human plan for salvation. But there’s a certainly a lot more you can do to be the person God wants you to be!

Have a little faith, a good guy will come around 😃

EDIT: I just read you got a 4.0 GPA average. Wow. What are you doing at college?
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful answer! It’s always very nice to get a guy’s perspective on this issue. I certainly do see what you are saying; it really is sickening how people are able to go from one person to the next…I am beginning to see that.

To answer your question, I have truthfully been all over the place with what I’ve wanted to do. Initially, I was in criminal justice, but have actually ended up settling on nursing (I know, how did that happen?! haha) Helping people is something that I am extremely passionate about, and so I think that it will be a good fit for me.

Thank you again, and God bless!
 
Hello everyone! Unfortunately, I do not have the time to answer and thank each and every one of you, but please know that I am very, very grateful for the time you have taken to write such thoughtful answers! It really means a lot to me, and has really lifted my spirits on the matter over the past couple of days.

Take care, and God bless. 🙂
 
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