Please help me get the most out of confession

[MomaMary8]

I have found that the more frequently I attend confession, the better life I lead. If I go more than 1 1/2 to 2 weeks between confessions, I really feel the loss of grace and find myself falling into sin much more easily.

My struggle is to attend weekly confession. I have wonderful confessors, that give great spiritual advice. I would like to make a more meaningful confession than the type I was taught as a child 30 yrs ago. (I did X sin 1 time, did Zsin 3 times, etc.) I know I am a sinner, I fail God everyday in trying to live a more humble life in His Love.

Would anyone be able to p(name removed by moderator)oint me in a direction that could help me discern my failings beyond the typical, “I failed to keep my temper,” etc type sins that are easy for me to see and confess. I want a deeper confession, if that makes sense.

Thanks much.

 

[Joysong]

It helps the priest to discern who is on the other side of the screen (if you are not going face-to-face), if you briefy tell him your state in life; i.e., I am a retired widow, a single young adult, a married man with a family, a working divorced mom, etc.

I have sometimes expressed the motivation for my sins, such as “I uttered profane expletives due to impatience or from sudden pain,” (Hitting your fingers with a hammer ) etc. It helps him to advise you. Naturally, I’m not going into detail here on the forum with respect to serious sins. But if it doesn’t prolong the confession, it might be good to p(name removed by moderator)oint the root causes.

A very common sin, I would believe, since St. James wrote an entire chapter on controlling the tongue, is against the 8th commandment. Simply saying I gossiped 20 times a day (or month), try getting to the root which may go something like this:
I was eager to take folks down a peg or two because I have difficulty loving them, and delighted in ruining their reputation to my listeners. Zowie! Now that’s honesty.

In one of these confessions, the priest wonderfully surprised me with, “Ok now, which sin do you want to work on the most?” When I answered, he gave me a good resolution to avoiding it.

This is an aside, but as I typed this, a lovely commercial was on TV with a baby laughing with its parent. I just LOVE that wholesome gift of joy! Praise God!

 

[water]

I hope some of the questions on this page help you:
ewtn.com/library/SPIRIT/EXAMCONS.TXT

 

[JimR-OCDS]

MomaMary,
I learned to examine myself, against the two commandments Jesus gave us; i.e. “love the Lord thy God, with all your heart, all your strength and all your soul, and love your neighbor as yourself.”

How have I failed to love God?

How have I failed to love my neighbor?

Both commandments contain all of the 10 commandments within them, when you get right down to it.

Anyway, hope this helps!

Jim

 

[Joannm]

MomaMary,
I learned to examine myself, against the two commandments Jesus gave us; i.e. “love the Lord thy God, with all your heart, all your strength and all your soul, and love your neighbor as yourself.”

How have I failed to love God?

How have I failed to love my neighbor?

Both commandments contain all of the 10 commandments within them, when you get right down to it.

Anyway, hope this helps!

Jim

I only go to confession a few times a year but I agree with Jim. I do not look that closely at every single little thing I do, and I know my confessor and spriritual director does not want me to do that as well. I also look at the deadly sins and see if I have sinned in that way.

 

[marty30]

geocities.com/Heartland/Village/2603/confession.htm

 

[InLight247]

geocities.com/Heartland/Village/2603/confession.htm

It is good information. But #6 is not true.

The Six Commandments of the Church

1.  To hear Mass on Sundays and holy-days of obligation.

2.  To fast and abstain on the days appointed.

3.  To confess at least once a year.

4.  To receive Holy Eucharist during the Easter time.

5.  To contribute to the support of our pastors.

6. ** Not to marry persons who are not Catholics**

I just want to mention it in case someone get misled.

 

[marty30]

It is good information. But #6 is not true.

I just want to mention it in case someone get misled.

I am just curious, where does the Church teach that it is OK to marry outside of the church? Is it in the Catechism or any other Church teaching?

 

[marty30]

I am just curious, where does the Church teach that it is OK to marry outside of the church? Is it in the Catechism or any other Church teaching?

I found it.
Mixed marriages and disparity of cult

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a nonbaptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.135 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.136 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.137

1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple’s obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."138 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.139 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.

 

[marty30]

The Church also teaches

II. THE CELEBRATION OF MARRIAGE

1621 In the Latin Rite the celebration of marriage between two Catholic faithful normally takes place during Holy Mass, because of the connection of all the sacraments with the Paschal mystery of Christ.120 In the Eucharist the memorial of the New Covenant is realized, the New Covenant in which Christ has united himself for ever to the Church, his beloved bride for whom he gave himself up.121 It is therefore fitting that the spouses should seal their consent to give themselves to each other through the offering of their own lives by uniting it to the offering of Christ for his Church made present in the Eucharistic sacrifice, and by receiving the Eucharist so that, communicating in the same Body and the same Blood of Christ, they may form but “one body” in Christ.122

1622 "Inasmuch as it is a sacramental action of sanctification, the liturgical celebration of marriage . . . must be, per se, valid, worthy, and fruitful."123 It is therefore appropriate for the bride and groom to prepare themselves for the celebration of their marriage by receiving the sacrament of penance.

1623 According to Latin tradition, the spouses, as ministers of Christ’s grace, mutually confer upon each other the sacrament of Matrimony by expressing their consent before the Church. In the tradition of the Eastern churches, the priests (bishops or presbyters) are witnesses to the mutual consent of the spouses,NT1 but for the validity of the sacrament their blessing is also necessary.NT2

1624 The various liturgies abound in prayers of blessing and epiclesis asking God’s grace and blessing on the new couple, especially the bride. In the epiclesis of this sacrament the spouses receive the Holy Spirit as the communion of love of Christ and the Church.124 The Holy Spirit is the seal of their covenant, the ever available source of their love and the strength to renew their fidelity.

 

[InLight247]

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.

What I meant in my earlier post was exact the above. If a Catholic marries a non-Catholic, as long as the church approves it, it is OK. It is not an ideal situation, but it is not a sin to confess.

 

[krazykatlady]

It’s too bad that our priests can’t teach how to make a good confession in their homilies. So many Catholics have not been to confession for years, have no clue how to even go to confession and are afraid to do so.
The Sunday homily would be the best time for priests to teach about confession because they have a captive audience of a large number of people.

 

[puzzleannie]

I have found that the more frequently I attend confession, the better life I lead. If I go more than 1 1/2 to 2 weeks between confessions, I really feel the loss of grace and find myself falling into sin much more easily.
h.

for one thing discern why you feel the need to confess so frequently. with the help of your confessor-and you should stick to one unless he is unavailable–discern if you have a problem with scrupulosity and get his help in dealing with it (there is a sticky here with good links on that topic)

second, aim at moving your spiritual life beyond the realm of feelings, because it is this misguided “feeling” that is getting you down. Feelings are very unreliable as guides to spiritual condition and progress. Work on your spiritual growth in general through prayer, fasting, acts of charity, Mass and the sacraments, sacred reading, especially meditative reading of the bible (beginning with daily Mass readings). Obedience to a trusted confessor is a necessary part of this discipline, and essential if you tend toward scrupulosity.

If you are relying on your “feeling” about your confession, rather than the promises of Christ in giving us this sacrament, your theology is also in error. Some reading on the sacrament will be helpful–Thomas Dubay, Peter Kreeft, Romano Guardini are all good authors, there are many more, on confession. Helpful in moving past your misguided feelings will be praying the Divine Mercy chaplet, which can help convince you to rely on the love and mercy of Jesus in this sacrament, not your own perceptions.

 

[puzzleannie]

I am just curious, where does the Church teach that it is OK to marry outside of the church? Is it in the Catechism or any other Church teaching?

it is canon law, it is forbidden without a dispensation, and it is off topic for this thread

the place to teach about confession is not during the homily at Mass, which should be about the readings of the day, unless of course the readings lend themselves to that topic–such as during Lent and Advent, Prodigal Son, Good Shepherd and similar passages. a parish penance service is a good time, our priest led the teens through an excellent examination of conscience, providing catechesis and pastoral care together.

 

[RosalieM]

It’s too bad that our priests can’t teach how to make a good confession in their homilies. So many Catholics have not been to confession for years, have no clue how to even go to confession and are afraid to do so.
The Sunday homily would be the best time for priests to teach about confession because they have a captive audience of a large number of people.

I’ve had a similar thought. Priests could teach a lot during their homilies, for instance about the requirements for plenary indulgence. There is so much people aren’t clear on, especially about Confession. Lots of folks think it’s not necessary if they haven’t committed mortal sin. When I told a lady outside confession that I try to go about every two weeks, she said something like, “well, that’s okay for the graces…” I answered that I love the graces. Thanks everyone for the info in this thread because I want to try a once-a-week confession today and the lists are of great assistance.

 

[marty30]

It’s too bad that our priests can’t teach how to make a good confession in their homilies. So many Catholics have not been to confession for years, have no clue how to even go to confession and are afraid to do so.
The Sunday homily would be the best time for priests to teach about confession because they have a captive audience of a large number of people.

I agree that priest should preach more about confession and even give good resouces for understanding confession and how to give a good one.

 

[marty30]

it is canon law, it is forbidden without a dispensation, and it is off topic for this thread

the place to teach about confession is not during the homily at Mass, which should be about the readings of the day, unless of course the readings lend themselves to that topic–such as during Lent and Advent, Prodigal Son, Good Shepherd and similar passages. a parish penance service is a good time, our priest led the teens through an excellent examination of conscience, providing catechesis and pastoral care together.

The thread is about confession and so is the post that you said does not fit here, so in my opinion it does fit here. Also where does it say that a Priest shouldn’t preach about confession at any given time during his homily. I respect your opinion but is that a Church teaching? If so where?

 

[marty30]

Its my undrestanding that many saints and popes and other religous go to confeesion daily. It seems to work for them. I heard that Pope John Paul II went to confession at least three times a day some days. And what a man!

 

[puzzleannie]

The thread is about confession and so is the post that you said does not fit here, so in my opinion it does fit here. Also where does it say that a Priest shouldn’t preach about confession at any given time during his homily. I respect your opinion but is that a Church teaching? If so where?

Inaestimabile Donum, 3: The purpose of the homily is to explain to the faithful the Word of God proclaimed in the readings, and to apply its message to the present. Accordingly the homily is to be given by the priest or the deacon.

as I said, preaching about confession would be appropriate if the scriptures of the day touched on the topic of sin, repentance, conversion etc.

OP did not ask if marriage to a non-Catholic is a sin, she asked for help in making a good confession, so that is off topic.

 

[MomaMary8]

for one thing discern why you feel the need to confess so frequently. with the help of your confessor-and you should stick to one unless he is unavailable–discern if you have a problem with scrupulosity and get his help in dealing with it (there is a sticky here with good links on that topic)

second, aim at moving your spiritual life beyond the realm of feelings, because it is this misguided “feeling” that is getting you down. Feelings are very unreliable as guides to spiritual condition and progress. Work on your spiritual growth in general through prayer, fasting, acts of charity, Mass and the sacraments, sacred reading, especially meditative reading of the bible (beginning with daily Mass readings). Obedience to a trusted confessor is a necessary part of this discipline, and essential if you tend toward scrupulosity.

If you are relying on your “feeling” about your confession, rather than the promises of Christ in giving us this sacrament, your theology is also in error. Some reading on the sacrament will be helpful–Thomas Dubay, Peter Kreeft, Romano Guardini are all good authors, there are many more, on confession. Helpful in moving past your misguided feelings will be praying the Divine Mercy chaplet, which can help convince you to rely on the love and mercy of Jesus in this sacrament, not your own perceptions.

Its under good advice that I try to attend confession 2x’s/month, but I’m trying to increase it to 1/week. Here is a link that discusses JPII’s urge for us to attend confession weekly. It is much easier for me to live a life in Christ, the more often I receive the sacrament of confession, which gives us Our Lord’s Grace.

cathnews.com/news/403/171.php

A quote from JPII:

“We must also stress that the personal encounter with the forgiving Jesus in the sacrament of Reconciliation is a divine means which keeps alive in our hearts and in our communities, a consciousness of sin in its perennial and tragic reality, and which actually brings forth, by the action of Jesus and the power of His Spirit, fruits of conversion in justice and holiness of life” (Pope John Paul II, Address to the Bishops of the Episcopal Conference of the United States, October 5, 1979).

I was recently given the gift of feeling the pain I caused Our Lord by committing a “venial” sin. It helped me to realize how much a gift the Holy Eucharist is, and how bad our turning away from Him (sin) is. Now I want to be fully worthy to receive our Lord. Who would not want the best accomidations for Our Lord? I would not put the Holy Eucharist in a shoe box, neither do I wish to put Him in my body with out doing my best to be worthy of HIm. I know the “minimum requirements” of once a year, and never to receive the H.E. with Mortal sins on my soul, I’m just trying to make myself more worthy of His Greatness.

Don’t worry, its not scruples I’m searching to improve my confessions, and some of the pp have helped to give me ideas to read up on, and questions to ask my confessor and spiritual advisors. Thank you all