Please Help Me Go to Confession

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CarolinaInMyMnd

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I was raised Catholic by parents who, though good intentioned, did not stress the importance of sacramental life, so going to confession has never been a big part of my life. I want to change that, but I must say the experiences I’ve had with going to confession make me a little nervous about going again. I want to go and my heart is trying to pull me there, but some stubborn part of me is keeping my feet from making the move.

Sadly, I would guess I’m far from alone in my failure to participate in this sacrament, so maybe this post could also help others.

Please share your personal experiences/feelings you’ve experienced from this sacrament. Also, any resources you might recommend to help me develop a better understanding. I also appreciate your prayers for me and people like me.

Thanks.
 
Bless you! The Holy Spirit is working . . .

What kinds of experiences make you reluctant to face confession again? Knowing that might help in offering counsel.
 
I try to go to confession weekly…frequent confession helps keep me away from mortal sin…Confession is such a gift and always make me feel so much better. Remember…you are not telling God something he doesn’t already know…He knows your sins already…your fear probably stems from fear of having to admit your sins to a priest…which is understandable…find a loving and gentle priest who is a great confessor…explain to him your situation and ask him to help you make a good confession. Trust me…when you are done, you will feel like a new person…like the weight of the world has been lifted off of your shoulders. Also, when I have committed a mortal sin…and I fear going to confession because I am embarrassed to tell the priest…I am always driven the sadness I feel for having offended The Lord…I also keep in mind that I do not want to die in that state of mortal sin…I love Heaven too much to take a chance 🙂
 
i was away from the church for many years. It seemed the longer I put off going back, the harder it was to go back. Finally, I just made an appointment with a priest to discuss what was needed to rejoin. All that was really needed was a good examination of conscience and confession. He recommended I spend a day or two examining my conscience and then come to regular confession.

I have been going to confession every two weeks and find it helpful to keep myself on the straight and narrow. Sins that I thought were habitual have been greatly lessened or disappeared. The very act of confession causes you to focus on your problems and promise to work for lessening of your faults. I also find it helpful to I can reflect on my successes. As you see yourself making progress, it makes confession easier and easieer. As a bonus, there may be no better feeling than when you walk out of the booth knowing that your soul is clean. It is like the anvil tied to your leg is left in the booth.

Good luck and remember the priest is there to help you. Trust his advice and believe in the forgiveness of your sins.
 
Carolina - I too was raised with a lax attitude toward the Church. I came back to the faith this past March after 20 years.

I made an appointment with the priest to talk about why I was back and to make confession. He was very understanding and patient.

See if you can find a bit of information about making a good confession - how to examine your life against the Commandments and Precepts of the Church.

And when you do go - because the Holy Spirit is prompting you to go - just tell the priest how long it’s been… and that you would greatly appreciate any help he can give in ensuring you make a good confession.

Remember - it’s a conversation with Christ - He already knows everywhere you’ve been and everything you’ve done. He knows how helpful and cleansing it will be for you to say it out loud.

I go to confession every week now for many reasons - and every time there is that great feeling of awe to know that He has forgiven me again.

Please let us know how you’re doing.

=)
Kat
 
thank God for his merc!! that he gave you the courage to go confession…

I too was away from church for many yrs… In between , I attended masses once or twice… And after seeing JPII death on TV, I felt the funeral mass was so touching… and was prompted to go back. Of course, at that time I was also having doubts. But God with his wonderful plans, was slowly but surely guiding me back to church… In fact. I wanted to go to sunday mass, but somehow thru my laziness, I decided not to go… Then one sunday… I told myself to attend, no matter what. So I went to evening mass… prayed very hard asking God to give me the courage and humility to make a good confession. Imagine clearing the accumulated dirt all these yrs in your soul and having cleansed at 1 go… I honestly said I felt a sense of relief and received holy communion at mass…

These days, I prayed to God to help me thru my faith and life and keep me free from sin and Mother mary to intercede fro me…
 
Begin by saying a prayer to whomever God calls you to ask for help. It maybe God Father, Son or Holy Spirit. For me it began with asking help from our Blessed Mother. I felt too far away from God, at the time I returned to faith in the Catholic Church.

Holding a Rosary helped me to feel like I was holding our Mother’s hand. Also repeating “Jesus I trust in You!” over and over again, after you have asked Him to send you to the priest of His choosing, helped me.

Remember to trust the Holy Spirit and ask Him to speak to you through the priest.

Hope this helps,
Elizabeth
 
I once looked at it as something you just had to do. Now, I look at it as a great help.

I would go at least monthly and set up a schedule and stick to it. It is a form of self-discipline to meet this schedule.

Before going, make sure you make a complete examination of conscience. Actually, this is something that should be done nightly. There are many great guides that can help to see what sins looks like commonly today. Here’s one online:

theworkofgod.org/Library/examine.htm

I can tell you that I made a mistake one time not asking if something was a sin, that I thought may be, but just didn’t want to ask and it led to years of behaviors, unbecoming of a Catholic. These are the kinds of attitudes that we need to check for in ourselves as they can be dangerous. When in doubt, ask the priest if something is sinful in a particular situation and ask whether it is mortal/grave or venial, and for type. Chances are, if you suspect something is a sin, that moral code God built into you is working, making you think.

Another thing I can tell you is that you want to tell the priest if anything you are confessing is a habit or addiction. For example, people who gossip about other people, may find an extremely difficult time stopping this once they recognize it. Ditto with sins of impurity. Even he doesn’t ask, do yourself a favor and tell him how often something is happening, and ask for ideas in combating whatever it is. Make sure you understand why the Catholic Church considers it a sin - you can do this by asking.

Just do it! Remember, there probably isn’t much left for a veteran priest to hear that hasn’t been heard hundreds, if not thousands of time already.
 
Thanks for the replies everyone. I appreciate you being so helpful and charitable and sharing of yourselves.

I guess the difficulty I’ve had with confession in the past is an absence of the feelings so many of you describe. I don’t know if I ever really have come out of confession feeling the relief, the lift, the grace, that so many of you mention. I’m not proud to say this, but the biggest relief I’ve felt is in getting out of the confessional.

I know that faith and faithful actions cannot be based soley on emotions b/c then you would have nothing to stand on, but I feel like I haven’t experienced much of anything going to confession; really just more emptiness. I feel like this must be my fault; like I’m not doing it right b/c I know there is grace there.

I love my priest and I am committed to my parish b/c I am employed there. Even if I wasn’t, I would feel an obligation to the people of my parish. I love them. However, my priest is not someone I feel comfortable with for various reasons. I love the man, but he is one that seems to not listen too well even in your basic small talk conversation. (almost like a goofball brother or silly uncle thing that makes you love him more, but can make him hard to relate to on a totally serious, one-on-one level) Maybe he is the man I should go to, but I am very unsure. I don’t really know any other priests although they are around here.

I really do appreciate your prayers and I very much enjoy this discussion and the insights you offer. I hope to hear from you more. It is very helpful.

Blessings.
 
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CarolinaInMyMnd:
. . . almost like a goofball brother or silly uncle thing that makes you love him more, but can make him hard to relate to on a totally serious, one-on-one level . . . .
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You never know. I had to make an “emergency” confession and my regular confessor was going to be away for 3 weeks so I grabbed the chaplain where I work and dragged him into my office by his violet stole . . . This guy is sometimes unbelievably scattered, silly, and adolescent, but the minute he put on that stole he morphed into **“SUPERPRIEST.” **It was as if somebody else had taken over. Which, of course, is *exactly *what happened.

That said, there is no law that for confession you have to go to your own parish priest. My confessor is in a parish down the road . . .
 
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CarolinaInMyMnd:
I guess the difficulty I’ve had with confession in the past is an absence of the feelings so many of you describe. I don’t know if I ever really have come out of confession feeling the relief, the lift, the grace, that so many of you mention. I’m not proud to say this, but the biggest relief I’ve felt is in getting out of the confessional.
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I had similar difficulties and perhaps you are having the same problem I did. It maybe the way you are looking at the sacrament. Once I found it’s not a chore but a gift, it became easier. Confession, now called reconciliation, is a way of reorienting your life. Every once in a while our internal compasses start to drift away from true North. Confession is a way of helping you reorient yourself back to true North - Christ. It is there to help not hinder.
 
My one brother was scared to go to confession, until he was going to be on a plane for vacation. He felt he HAD to go to confession then. He walked in, scared, trembling, shaking after 10 years of no Catholic life and said to the priest, “For give me Father for I have sinned, it has been 10 years since my last confession.” The priest came out from the divider and took his hand and said, “Welcome back son, I absolve you of your sins, In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.” The pressure of my brothers not-so-bad past was gone and he felt more relaxed with the priest, thus making the whole thing a positive experience. He know goes to church every Sunday and confession about every 3 months.
I am not saying that yours will be this easy, but God will take care of you and the Holy Spirit will fill you…IT IS SO WORTH IT!!!
 
Do you know someone that you can go to confession with? Sometimes it it less nerve wracking if you attend Confession with someone else (a friend or relative).

Maybe they can even coax you to go, if you are a little hesitant.
 
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epower:
Do you know someone that you can go to confession with? Sometimes it it less nerve wracking if you attend Confession with someone else (a friend or relative).

Maybe they can even coax you to go, if you are a little hesitant.
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I’m trying to get my hubby to come along, but he’s feeling about the way that I am, maybe even more reluctant to go. I don’t imagine that’s what you had in mind with your suggestion.

My hubby was telling me about a priest he happened to meet through his work. He said that this man seems really filled with the Holy Spirit. I think this priest from a neighboring town may be a blessing. I am thinking about going to him this weekend. I want to be open with him (and with Christ, really) like I never have before at reconciliation.

What do I need to do to prepare? I will look more at the resource provided in an earlier post but would appreciate any others you have to offer. Thank you.

Please pray. I appreciate it so much!
 
Sounds like the Holy Spirit is working on you BIG time! Do not rush this. Your statement that you want to approach this “as never before” indicates that you are at a true conversion point. Pray about this: Consider whether you might need to make a general confession (a confession of the sins of your whole life). In examining your conscience, beg shamelessly for the grace to face everything in the light of God’s Truth. If you come across something that embarrasses you to death, ask Jesus to make this confession for you.

A serious confession like this can take 3-6 weeks to prepare. Above all pray for the grace – even more than harassing your conscience. Take care of the “big stuff” then use a good guide for confession: the kind with questions, like the one available on the web site of New York City’s Church of Our Savior. (oursaviournyc.org/pages/confession.shtml)

Sometimes a preparatory retreat can be helpful also.

Godspeed.
 
One key to good confession is the study of virtue. When we see some of the words in virtue, there is a tendency to want to flee - I know, been there; done that.

Humility is a big one, and one that the Lord wants us to all strive to learn. Confession is one of the greatest opportunities to practice humility and it is not easy, but it is the way of the Lord.

I suggest you go to confession to another parish, or even to a monastery if there is one close by. After trying out different confessors, one will strike you as “the one”.

Believe me, God will grant you much grace if you approach with this sacrament a humble heart.

Also remember that not using the sacrament likely puts us into a position of committing a sacrilege by receiving Holy Communion when our temples are unclean and unworthy to receive the Lord. Doing so, requires admission of this sacrilege the next time you are in confession if it has happened. It is very serious, but not to worry - the priest will not hit you over the head or yell at you if you have done this. I have had to confess it before due to some indiscretion and it was the right thing to do as it was clearly wrong.
 
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CarolinaInMyMnd:
I was raised Catholic by parents who, though good intentioned, did not stress the importance of sacramental life, so going to confession has never been a big part of my life. I want to change that, but I must say the experiences I’ve had with going to confession make me a little nervous about going again. I want to go and my heart is trying to pull me there, but some stubborn part of me is keeping my feet from making the move.

Sadly, I would guess I’m far from alone in my failure to participate in this sacrament, so maybe this post could also help others.

Please share your personal experiences/feelings you’ve experienced from this sacrament. Also, any resources you might recommend to help me develop a better understanding. I also appreciate your prayers for me and people like me.

Thanks.
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I was in your situation. I went to confession as a requirement prior to First Communion and then never went again - until almost 20 years later. Needless to say I had some pretty serious catching up to do and had some mortal sins to confess. Some fairly serious. Last year is when I ‘awoke’. And, before I continue I will say that I don’t feel one answer is everyone’s solution. It was ‘my time’ to receive intervention through the HS. I saw The Passion movie on Ash Wednesday last year. I saw it the day it opened and at the first showing at the theater. For a week prior to the movie opening I was overwhelmed with the absolute need to go (I now believe this was the HS at work). I even purchased tickets ahead of time in case it was sold out. The movie changed my life and Lent that year would be quite an experience for me. After witnessing what Christ endured for ME - I really felt that no matter how uncomfortable and unpleasant it was for me, it was only right for me to use the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I mean, I didn’t go to confession because it was uncomfortable and unpleasant? How selfish of me considering Christ was tortured!! Not that I’m calling you selfish or anyone else for that matter, I’m just explaining that that is how I felt about myself after the movie and what got me to want to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I made an appointment to see my priest instead of using the confessional because I had so many serious sins to confess. I had (I say had because he has since moved to another parish :crying: ) a wonderful priest, so that helped, but I did a lot of crying. I also have to agree with the others that the more you go the easier it is. It can be difficult, but it’s nothing that Jesus can’t help you through and is so worth it. I prayed A LOT before I went that first time and asked Jesus to be with me and help me through it. **He did just that! **

It truly sounds like the HS is at work in your heart and I hope you can find the peace you so deserve!

I’m sure you already do, so continue to pray! :gopray:
 
Everypne has been so wonderfully supportive here. Thanks so much.

I’ll be sure to check out the examinations mentioned. thank you for them.

mercygate: can you tell me more about the general confession that you mention? I don’t understand that really. I have been to reconciliation as soon ago as March. I think that I must have been absolved through the power of the sacrament, wouldn’t I have been? Maybe there’s more to it than what I am understanding.

I think its probably more evidence of my lack of “attendance” but I am really unsure about mortal/venial sins and why I need to know about the difefference. I’ve heard about the difference but those words don’t honestly mean much to me right now. I’m open to learning, but I don’t get it. And with the rules regarding the Eucharist and my sins, I don’t really get that either. How can I ever be without sin before the Eucharist; if the priest gives it to me immediately after absolution is all I can think of. What are the rules and where do they come from? Again, I’ve heard mention of it as a kid, but I don’t know much.

I think I may not make it this weekend. I cannot get ahold of anyone at the small neighboring parish. I think I may visit for Mass this weekend, then I can get a bulletin and maybe even talk to the priest after Mass. Maybe waiting is the Holy Spirit too. I do like the advice about waiting and making a more prayerful effort of this. I want to be closer to God and I want to remove what keeps me from Him. That does take time, I’m sure.

Again, I thank you so much for your words here, your prayers, and your encouragement. Thank you!
 
Carolina – perhaps I misunderstood. I thought you had not been to confession in years, that is why I mentioned general confession. Sorry for my lunkheadedness.

Nevertheless, if you are in a heavy duty “conversion mode” then clearing out the lifetime debris could be helpful, especially once you get a handle on this confession thing.

Mortal vs. venial sin: Newman used to day: "Do not trouble to ask whether you have drawn back , let your ordinary repentance be as though you had . . . " It may not all be mortal sin but it’s certainly ALL poison.
 
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