D
darkangel123
Guest
Hello everyone,
I am a 24 year old woman writing from India. To have a little background, it is the norm here to have arranged marriages and in the small towns and villages “love” marriages are looked down upon. This situation is slowly changing now. My family though is very resistant to change and still consider falling in love as something unforgivable. Another point is, inter-community / inter-caste marriages are stiffly opposed. My brother had a “love” marriage some years back and married a girl from a different religion/community/caste. There was a big furore in my family who gave in after nearly a year and got them married. Eloping and marrying without parental approval is out of the question here. After my brother’s wedding, my mother spoke to me and asked me not to fall in love and marry the guy whomever they chose so that her “pride and prestige” in front of everyone is restored. But, I already liked a friend who is from a different community/caste but is also a catholic. We slowly fell for each other and now we both are truly in love with each other. A couple of years back, my parents started looking out for a guy for me to arrange my marriage (they did not know about my boyfriend) but I kept rejecting the proposals they brought me . I didnt tell them about my boyfriend then because he still did not have a job or a qualification. This year beginning, I told my parents about this even though he still has not cleared his exams (these exams are highly competitive and he is trying his best) All hell broke lose and my mother told me that she will cut me off completely if I do not toe the line and have an arranged marriage. She threatened to even not conduct my wedding or attend it even. I did not give in to those threats and so she stopped talking to me completely . (I still live with my parents as is the norm though I am working) She made it very clear to me that she will not talk unless I break up and so I ignored that completely in the hope that once my boyfriend clears his exams, I can sort everything out. I therefore, asked for time till his results to take a decision. Unfortunately, his results came in a few weeks back and he had still not cleared his exams although there was a lot of improvement. The next exam is in 4 months. My father told me that the very fact that he is unable to clear is exams is indicative that God does not will this relationship to work out. I asked him for 6 more month’s time (until his next results) but was flatly refused.
Things went downhill after this. I was refused food also for a brief period. I was taken to a priest who advised me to break up as marrying for love is against the fourth commandment “Honor your parents” He told me that I am committing a big mistake and asked me to listen to my parents . I was also taken to a carmelite nun who told me that after she fasted and prayed over this, the Holy Spirit told her that this relationship will not work out. According to her, an arranged marriage is only God’s will as listening to parents is listening to God.
I later met up with a different priest, who told me that what I was doing is not wrong and is definitely not a sin. He also asked me to bring my parents to meet him but they flatly refused.
They are against this relationship and are therefore not willing to listen to anything that I say. Also, my boyfriend is still not settled and has asked for a year and a half’s time and promised me that we can marry by Dec2016 / Jan 2017. His family on the other hand, is ok with this and have told him that it’s his marriage and hence his happiness is more important.
Now , I have been praying fervently that my guy clears his exams so that our situation improves. I understand that God knows better and will help him pass when the time is right. But,in the case of our relationship, l am unable to pray that “Let not my will but yours be done” I am finding it very difficult to even think about marrying someone else. I find myself crying to God to somehow make this happen.
All this is taking a toll on me and I am finding it difficult to sleep properly.
Please advise.
I am a 24 year old woman writing from India. To have a little background, it is the norm here to have arranged marriages and in the small towns and villages “love” marriages are looked down upon. This situation is slowly changing now. My family though is very resistant to change and still consider falling in love as something unforgivable. Another point is, inter-community / inter-caste marriages are stiffly opposed. My brother had a “love” marriage some years back and married a girl from a different religion/community/caste. There was a big furore in my family who gave in after nearly a year and got them married. Eloping and marrying without parental approval is out of the question here. After my brother’s wedding, my mother spoke to me and asked me not to fall in love and marry the guy whomever they chose so that her “pride and prestige” in front of everyone is restored. But, I already liked a friend who is from a different community/caste but is also a catholic. We slowly fell for each other and now we both are truly in love with each other. A couple of years back, my parents started looking out for a guy for me to arrange my marriage (they did not know about my boyfriend) but I kept rejecting the proposals they brought me . I didnt tell them about my boyfriend then because he still did not have a job or a qualification. This year beginning, I told my parents about this even though he still has not cleared his exams (these exams are highly competitive and he is trying his best) All hell broke lose and my mother told me that she will cut me off completely if I do not toe the line and have an arranged marriage. She threatened to even not conduct my wedding or attend it even. I did not give in to those threats and so she stopped talking to me completely . (I still live with my parents as is the norm though I am working) She made it very clear to me that she will not talk unless I break up and so I ignored that completely in the hope that once my boyfriend clears his exams, I can sort everything out. I therefore, asked for time till his results to take a decision. Unfortunately, his results came in a few weeks back and he had still not cleared his exams although there was a lot of improvement. The next exam is in 4 months. My father told me that the very fact that he is unable to clear is exams is indicative that God does not will this relationship to work out. I asked him for 6 more month’s time (until his next results) but was flatly refused.
Things went downhill after this. I was refused food also for a brief period. I was taken to a priest who advised me to break up as marrying for love is against the fourth commandment “Honor your parents” He told me that I am committing a big mistake and asked me to listen to my parents . I was also taken to a carmelite nun who told me that after she fasted and prayed over this, the Holy Spirit told her that this relationship will not work out. According to her, an arranged marriage is only God’s will as listening to parents is listening to God.
I later met up with a different priest, who told me that what I was doing is not wrong and is definitely not a sin. He also asked me to bring my parents to meet him but they flatly refused.
They are against this relationship and are therefore not willing to listen to anything that I say. Also, my boyfriend is still not settled and has asked for a year and a half’s time and promised me that we can marry by Dec2016 / Jan 2017. His family on the other hand, is ok with this and have told him that it’s his marriage and hence his happiness is more important.
Now , I have been praying fervently that my guy clears his exams so that our situation improves. I understand that God knows better and will help him pass when the time is right. But,in the case of our relationship, l am unable to pray that “Let not my will but yours be done” I am finding it very difficult to even think about marrying someone else. I find myself crying to God to somehow make this happen.
All this is taking a toll on me and I am finding it difficult to sleep properly.
Please advise.
