Please help me sleep tonight. I need someone now to answer

[adstrinity]

I am so sorry that this happened. I will pray you can sleep tonight. Apologize to God but don’t beat yourself up. I hope she loves you enough to realize how special you are.

 

[markomalley]

I never had a serious Girlfriend, until about 5 months ago. I told myself I would have sex until marriage, and recently became more religious again. (I always went to church every week of course).

Today, being valentines day, I bought her jewelry and flowers, like I suppose most men would give to the Women that they love so so much. I had a strange feeling, because I knew that the sex question was gonna happen. (Don’t think I’m crazy) I thought to myself, Jacob, If you do this tonight, you are going to go to hell. I felt sick to my stomach. But somehow, I felt super pressured (not her doing) and we had sex. Now I am very angry at myself and I need someone to help me feel better.

If you haven’t gone to confession already do so now. Your soul depends upon it.

For something to be a mortal sin (thus requiring sacramental confession), three elements must be in place (see CCC 1857):

1. 
   *]It must be objectively “grave matter” (sex outside of marriage qualifies)
   *]You must know that it is objectively “grave matter”
   *]You deliberately decide to do so anyways.
   
   Your comment, I had a strange feeling, because I knew that the sex question was gonna happen, indicates that the last two elements were present.
   
   Of course, God is the judge, not man; I am basing my response upon your statements alone.
   
   Also important is the resolution to not sin again and to avoid the near occasion of sin. Mortification is the keyEph 4:17ff This then I say and testify in the Lord: That henceforward you walk not as also the Gentiles walk in the vanity of their mind: Having their understanding darkened: being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their hearts. Who despairing have given themselves up to lasciviousness, unto the working of all uncleanness, unto covetousness. But you have not so learned Christ: If so be that you have heard him and have been taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus: To put off, according to former conversation, the old man, who is corrupted according to the desire of error. And be renewed in spirit of your mind: And put on the new man, who according to God is created in justice and holiness of truth…
   
   Col 3:5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth: fornication, uncleanness, lust, evil concupiscence and covetousness, which is the service of idols.
   
   Mat 5:27ff You have heard that it was said to them of old: You shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, that whosoever shall look on a woman to lust after her, has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And if your right eye scandalize you, pluck it out and cast it from you. For it is expedient for you that one of your members should perish, rather than your whole body be cast into hell. And if your right hand scandalize you, cut it off, and cast it from you: for it is expedient for you that one of your members should perish, rather than that your whole body go into hell Also refer to Romans 6 and 7.
   
   The point being that God has made you a new creation in Christ through baptism. Unfortunately, for right now, this creation is encased in a fleshy shell that is fallen. Thanks to our father according to the flesh, Adam, our flesh is the way it is. But through a life of prayer and penance, those temptations that are part and parcel to our flesh can be minimized (not eliminated) and our desire to be detached from sin can, through God’s grace, be realized (see Ap. Const Indulgentiarium Doctrina n.7)

 

[kage_ar]

We cannot say this to someone when we do not know their disposition. Maybe that’s what you’re talking about.

Precisely.

For a stranger on the internet who is NOT a trained Spiritual Advisor (and who could not give such advice from one single inet post anyway) to say “you are not going to hell” is to maybe lead someone farther into error.

It gets people all riled up when we talk about hell, and the fact that just being a good person and saying “I’m sorry” will not guarantee heaven. Don’t jump on me, take it up with Jesus!

 

[Monte_RCMS]

Hi JJJJJ,

Here is an idea.

Hang out here on Catholic Answers and on Catholic Answers Forums. [And if you are up for it, there is also Catholic Answers Action.]

The point is that you are just starting out. We all make mistakes. And we all need to learn what is going on. We all need to learn about what God has revealed to us humans. There is a LOT of material that is available. Christianity / Catholicism goes back 2000 years. And the Old Testament goes back about 5000 years.

There is a lot to learn, and it is daunting.

And, unfortunately, every one of us starts from zero. None of us is born with any of this knowledge.

People used to have some religious education and picked some up along the way. A lot of that has changed. There is a lot of competition of ideas for people’s attention.

So, my suggestion is that since the internet is so important these days, hang out on CA, CAF and CAA. Be prepared to get some diversity of opinion. But most of it will be on or parallel to the right track. Most of it is well intentioned.

Check out the CA bookstore. If you don’t have money to buy books now, you can read a lot of the important stuff if you browse around the CA Web site.

Give it a try. Spend some time with us.

Add daily prayer to your regular routine.

 

[Rascalking]

Precisely.

For a stranger on the internet who is NOT a trained Spiritual Advisor (and who could not give such advice from one single inet post anyway) to say “you are not going to hell” is to maybe lead someone farther into error.

It gets people all riled up when we talk about hell, and the fact that just being a good person and saying “I’m sorry” will not guarantee heaven. Don’t jump on me, take it up with Jesus!

It’s the delivery and circumstance, not what your saying. I speak only for me, and what bothered me about your post was…well, the delivery and circumstance. It might be theologically “correct” (and that’s debatable) but common decency should have made you seriously think about the bluntness of your post. Your response sounded really icy and cruel to someone who didn’t need that.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a time when people need blunt talk-but I still think your response to this thread was grossly unacceptable.

 

[CatholicCrystal]

You said you felt pressure. Who was it making you feel pressured? If it was your girlfriend, is she also a practicing Catholic? If yes, I am surprised that she would not support you in your decision of being celebate until marriage. You said the sex question so I am assuming that it was coming from her. But if you are angry at yourself and she is the one that pressured you it is up to us to avoid the near occassion of sin. Are you ready to break up with her?

I never had a serious Girlfriend, until about 5 months ago. I told myself I would have sex until marriage, and recently became more religious again. (I always went to church every week of course).

Today, being valentines day, I bought her jewelry and flowers, like I suppose most men would give to the Women that they love so so much. I had a strange feeling, because I knew that the sex question was gonna happen. (Don’t think I’m crazy) I thought to myself, Jacob, If you do this tonight, you are going to go to hell. I felt sick to my stomach. But somehow, I felt super pressured (not her doing) and we had sex. Now I am very angry at myself and I need someone to help me feel better.

 

[Monte_RCMS]

Hi JJJJJ,

Here’s an idea for a date with your gf.

Think about this: ask her to go to Mass with you on Sunday. Discuss it with her. Grow in faith together. If she hasn’t been to confession (assuming she’s Catholic, see if she is open to the idea so you can share growing in faith together). And then a nice brunch afterwards and then some public activity such as a walk in a park.