Please help me..

[MarieVeronica]

(I had orginially posted this in the Apologetics forum… but was advised to place it here).

Dear Catholic Answers Forum. Please help me. I am seeking answers to a very serious family problem. I am not looking for personal opinions, or horror stories of similar circumstances… or for judgment calls. I am looking for CATHOLIC CHURCH TEACHING in this area. Here is my situation…

I have a close relative, who keeps asking me for money. Over the years, the relative has had ongoing problems with personal finances and mounting debt; drinking; and motivation to become gainfully employed and self sufficient. I also have reason to believe that the relative is using my phone number and possibly my private email… for personal reasons. As I am receiving many credit collection calls, in the relatives name.

Now, in at least one place in Sacred Scripture… Our dear Lord says:

“Give to everyone who asks of thee, and from him who takes away thy goods, ask no return.” (Luke 6:30)

Over the years, in a sincere attempt to honor Our Lord’s teachings… I have loaned this relative upwards of a few thousand dollars. Although, I myself could be teetering on the brink of poverty, at any moment (I haven’t been able to work outside my home, since February… because I am sole Caregiver to my mother… who suffers from Alzheimer’s), I don’t expect repayment of the loans, from my relative. The relative “soothes” me with promises that “this will be the last request (for money)”. But it keeps happening, over and over.

How can I reconcile Our Lords words… with my situation? Must I continue to give to my relative, until I am flat broke? Please help me… because I don’t know where else to turn. I want to obey Our Lord. The relative is someone I love very much and have a deep desire to help, but has a proven track record of this type of behavior. Please help me.

Thank you and God bless.

 

[Michael_David]

Matthew 25

1 "Then the kingdom of heaven shall be compared to ten maidens who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. 2 Five of them were foolish, and five were wise. 3 For when the foolish took their lamps, they took no oil with them; 4 but the wise took flasks of oil with their lamps. 5 As the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept. 6 But at midnight there was a cry, ‘Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him.’ 7 Then all those maidens rose and trimmed their lamps. 8 And the foolish said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ 9 But the wise replied, ‘Perhaps there will not be enough for us and for you; go rather to the dealers and buy for yourselves.’

 

[bilop]

God Bless your generous heart!

You have no obligation to continue giving money to a person who has proven wasteful and unable to use it wisely.

God Bless

 

[Michael_David]

Bilop,

And may God’s Peace be in your heart…

 

[Nita]

How destitute is your relative when he/she asks for money? Does he end up in that situation because he spends foolishly? If so, giving him money can be the wrong approach, and not the loving thing to do. (Love being defined as doing what is for the good of another.)

There is an OT passage from Isaiah 26:10 that comes to mind:
"If favor is shown to the wicked, he does not learn righteousness."
I don’t mean to imply that your relative is wicked, just that he may never learn to be responsible unless forced to.

Naturally, if he has no food, feed him; it would be wrong to let him starve. (Give him food, not money to buy it) If he’s sleeping on the street, give him a bedroom in your home; if he has no clothes, take him to a Good Will store; etc. From the information you gave about your relative, that would be the help I’d give at this point (rather than money).

Nita

 

[Ruthie]

I’m with Nita, except for one thing. I would not give him a room in my home, since he has been proven untrustworthy about using your address and e-mail.

I think this approach is justified by CCC 2447. While it is mostly about giving alms, it makes the point that we are responsible for our neighbor’s *spiritual *necessities, too. If you are enabling him to continue drinking and/or avoid his responsibilities, then you are not aiding him spiritually.

I think this is especially true if he is lying to you to get you to help him. (Like, “I’ll get a job next week and pay you back!”)

On a purely pragmatic note, one of the principles of behavioral science is, don’t reward behavior you don’t want to see repeated!

Bless you,

Ruthie

 

[Christy_Beth]

Tell him (or her) that the well is dried up. Give him the address to a homeless shelter, and take him there if needs be. Tell him to never contact you unless it’s for actual payback for what you have given him. Some people don’t want to be that harsh. But sometimes it takes that in order for the “borrower” to get the idea that he can’t freeload off you anymore.