Please help me..

[BintuluChuchGuy]

Im a Form 4 student(Grade 10),and I have a friend which doesn’t like me although he talks and smiles to me.The reason he doesn;t like me is because I use to treat him badly last time.I use to ignore him when we were waiting 2 go into class,treat him like someone who doesn’t believe in the faith(he’s an RC,but doesn’t go 2 church) and I just didn’t like him too.The fact I didn’t like him is becoz he had the same personality with me(mostly)(idk if it makes any sense),I felt jealous becoz there was someone as good as I am.he was also friendly,kind and helpful.I guess b4 this I was the person with those characteristics in my class,and now there’s someone else better than me.

So then I am like a friend and enemy.But then I start to realize I should make friends with him and just have peace.So 2 years ago,I ask forgiveness from him for my actions which were cruel 2 him last time and asked if we could be friends.The problem is I dont know if he really forgived me.Although he said to me, i forgive you,I didn’t feel like I was forgiven.It felt like something just to end the conversation and get back to work.And then after that,we weren’t really close friends at all.It just went back to us both not liking each other.

And here I am now 2 years later,I can feel that he doesn’t like me,I dont like him too.But I have to love him as my brother too.For God asked us to love everyone.I try my best to have a good relationship with him but its hard becoz he still doesn’t like me.He has a good relationship with everyone in my class except 4 me.I guess this is what I get for not liking him in the first place(all the regrets and hate)…I have to change myself.For thing s wont change If I dont change.
Please help me…this problem has been in my life 4 2 years and I just cant take it anymore…

 

[PhilotheaZ]

I am sorry to hear you are experiencing this. I guess you have learned a difficult lesson: sometimes it is very hard to undo the consequences of unkind behavior.

What to do now? I’m not sure, but here are some suggestions:

• Pray for your friend.
• Pray for the grace to always treat others kindly, to never think of yourself as better than others.
• Realize that healing of broken friendships can take a long time, and that perhaps things might never be quite the same as they were before (it might get better with time).
• Don’t let this get you down too much. Learn from your mistake and try to be a better friend in the future (to him and to others).
• Ask yourself whether you are looking at the situation too negatively. You say he doesn’t like you, but you also say that he talks to you and smiles at you and says he has forgiven you. That sounds like a good start to me! Focus on the positive steps you and he have made, not the negative.
• Don’t rely on just one person for friendship. Foster new friendships by being kind and charitable to everyone in your class. Be the kind of person they can trust.
• If you haven’t already done so, you might consider confessing your acts of pride and unkindness in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Even if it was not a serious sin, this Sacrament can bring Christ’s healing to your heart and help you be a better person in the future. Confession can also help you grow in the virtue of humility (a virtue which God loves to see in all His children).
• Remember that God loves you, and never lose courage!

 

[Trishie]

I’m sorry you have this concern.

You say he talks and smiles to you. So how is it you say he doesn’t like you? You may find it is your guilt that is affecting your view of him. He may be uncomfortable with you if he senses your suspicion of his motives or that you are anxious, that could be too much pressure. That does make people uncomfortable. Be satisfied to be decent and courteous towards each other. He accepted your apology. That’s fair enough. You originally behaved with meanness, and trust isn’t easily restored, nevertheless he’s pleasant to you. His trust perhaps has grown more slowly if he senses your guilt and super-awareness of him. It might feel a bit creepy. Just be normal around him and he will feel more normal towards you.

Let the past go. We can only live in today. I ask God to help you.

The fact is though, not everyone is going to like us or be drawn to us. If they are courteous, we have nothing to complain about. He clearly isn’t acting uncharitably. We don’t all suit everyone’s company and people have the right to choose their friends, and also the right to space. You don’t necessarily want to be close to everyone in your class. You’re drawn to some people more than others. Everyone is, and that’s okay, so long as they’re appropriately charitable.

A person perhaps finds himself less focussed on another person if he keeps his focus on being generous and kind to others rather than worrying about how others might or might not feel about him. That’s what God calls us to do, practical acts of kindness to others, however small or large.

 

[BintuluChuchGuy]

Thank you Philoteaz and Trishie.I guess your right.I better start being normal with him.Ill also start to pray and go to confession as soon as I can.

I feel a whole lot better about my situation now.God bless you and your family

 

[PhilotheaZ]

Thank you Philoteaz and Trishie.I guess your right.I better start being normal with him.Ill also start to pray and go to confession as soon as I can.

I feel a whole lot better about my situation now.God bless you and your family

Glad to have helped. God bless you too!