Please Help me

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Jaypeeto4

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Hi all. Happy Sunday to all of you.

Please help me. For reasons that are way too complex to be described, including being a severely traumatized person with PTSD and continuing daily frustrations that seem to only become worse after I pray for help with them myself, because of all these things and more, yesterday I lost it and my mind and heart began to be FLOODED with wave after wave of angry, frustrated sacrilegious and blasphemous thoughts. This despite the fact that yesterday, before going to work, I prayed all the prayers begging God to PRESERVE ME from any and all mortal sin that day. Still, I lost it by the end of the day, and the wave after wave of floods of sacrilegious, angry, rage-filled, blasphemous thoughts just kept coming and coming. I would ask God to take them away and intervene and alter my thinking and feelings with His grace, but the thoughts kept coming. I had thoughts and feeliings of wanting, out of anger and frustration, to take ALL my blessed sacramentals and holy water and flush them down the toilet even (I cringe to say this) urinating on them before flushing them down, and thoughts far more horrid than even those, including stringing up every Republican, or whoever my mind was lashing out at (which is weird, cuz I am a Republican myself) and flaying them alive and disemboweling them. I am horrified by having had these wicked thoughts and feelings, wave after wave of them. For hours.
It came from being very tired, very frustrated, very fed up, plus sinful, plus fearful, plus having had, AGAIN, a disastrous day at work despite many prayers for Divine Help, which help, once again, did not materialize. Yet others, who have NO regard for God or prayer, had huge sales just drop in their lap and made good gobs of money, while I worked my tail off, prayed like crazy for help, gave excellent customer service, and ended up with all the people who are “just looking” (two words I loathe to hear because that means I can’t pay my electric bill). This is not mere petty jealousy of others. I am not like that.
I’m glad others are making a good living. I’m angry and hurt and frustrated because I am not and I need that living, too. I have elderly parents to help support and my own bills to pay. And some of my coworkers, one in particular, whom God, for reasons I can’t even begin to guess at, seems to prosper like crazy without ANY effort on her part, is a habitual thief, who steals the sales her coworkers have been working on, regularly and with no remorse at all then tries to get you fired if you try to stop her (she tells the customer to complain about you to your boss, an almost 100% guarantee of a firing), who commits fraud after fraud after fraud to make herself look good to the bosses, and they know this and do NOTHING, while she robs us blind and risks THEM getting into serious trouble too if her deeds are ever officially discovered---- and yet she prospers like crazy on this job. I just can’t understand why God will not hear the prayers for a decent living from a prayerful, hard working repentant person, but prosper like crazy a wicked habitual remorseless and malicious thief and fraudster. The good customers who are spending tons literally just walk up to her and drop GOBS of sales (and commission for her) right in her lap. And yet she STILL steals all of our sales, too. Yesterday was a horrid day. Not only did I bust my tail after much prayer (as usual), but I failed to meet my goal - again - and even failed to meet my draw and ended up $800 in deficit. That is when I finally lost it and the flood of rage filled, hurt, frustrated, angry and uncontrollable thoughts and sacrilegious feelings started coming.
I can NEVER give an adequate confession of these things, because there were so MANY of them. I prayed like crazy for the anger and horrid thoughts to stop, which only made them worse.
Please help me. I need the prayers of all of you holy and spiritually sensible Catholics today. I don’t want one single more sacrilegious, blasphemous thought or feeling.
Please pray for me. And now I have to get ready to go to work today.
I’m not going to offer one Intention for myself in my prayers this morning (Rosary, Chaplet, 3 Hail Marys Devotion, Living Rosary decade, etc). Only for OTHERS. Of course, most of my devotions are offered for OTHER people’s needs anyway, heck it takes me more time to offer my Rosary INTENTIONS, three times as long, than it takes me to pray the Rosary itself. But no more prayers for MYSELF, at least for Divine Help on my job.
That seems to make matters at work much worse when I pray for Divine Help.
So I’m not going to, not today. And just watch: because I don’t,
I’ll probably make a killing at work today. And if I do, what kind of lesson am I supposed
to take home from that?
Please pray for me. I am so confused and I cannot take this anymore, my nerves are shot and have been for 2 years. I love God, but I am very confused, hurt and frustrated.
Please pray for me, I don’t want those horrid thoughts and feelings to ever occur again.
God bless all of you.
 
For those of you who may be praying for me, thank you so very much.

I guess if I said I needed prayers for a missing puppy or something,
I would get a lot more responses. Forgive me, I’m really hurting right now.
Love to all of you.
 
jappeto
  1. deep breath. Its sunday morning…not a high traffic time. And not everyone who prays is going to post.
  2. God’s rewards are in Heaven. Plain, simple and to the point. The prosperty gospel is a protestant thing. God never promised good things in this world.
  3. do you REALLY think that God is activly blessing a liar, cheeter, and thief? There are three forces out there…human will, Gods Will and the devil’s will. obvously it’s not God.
  4. write down your co-workers offenses. If HR does nothing call the better business bureau’s anonomous hotline
and prayers for you. I understand difficult jobs
 
Prayers offered.
Be strong, keep praying.
God does bless those who love Him, just not necessarily in ways you can see.
I’ll offer my prayers at mass this morning for you too.
God bless you.
 
Prayers here JayPee.

If the thoughts were involuntary–and from your description of your fighting them off and praying for them to be taken away I think they are–then there is no sin attached.

I too have gone through periods where I saw others prospering when they didn’t deserve it and meanwhile I was struggling. I had to ask myself why I was carrying around those thoughts.

The life of one who loves God is not easy. For me it is esp difficult to deal with the fact that I am only in charge of my decisions, God is in charge of the outcome. I was trying to learn something new a few months ago and it drove me nuts that I kept failing and it kept turning out wrong. I really had to struggle with the idea that the results were God’s will for me.

Offer up your sufferings and fears along with your joys. I say, All for Thee dear Jesus, Who has suffered so much for me. This reminds me of Christ’s sufferings, beside which mine are miniscule.

And pray for those you are angry with too (I totally hate doing that, btw, and my prayer may be, God, I’m only doing this because I have to…) When a co-worker hurts you, offer that suffering up for her. Seriously.

I am sorry you have such poor management at tour job and I hope something better comes along for you 🙂
 
Dear Jaypeeto,

My heart ached after reading your post this morning.

I carried your needs before the Blessed Sacrament in adoration today, as well as prayed for you during Mass.

I have been in a similar situation to you regarding work and co-workers, but I can tell you that after some years of struggle, God turned things around in a way I could not have foreseen, and has in fact showered me with graces.

An old saying which I believe to be true is, “God’s mill grinds slowly, but it grinds finely.”

Here is a song I hope will inspire you: “Before the Morning”:

youtube.com/watch?v=TvJ8neAd3go

Please keep the faith and remember that many on CAF are praying for you.
 
Lord, please help Jaypeeto4 to be abandoned to your merciful love full of confidence in your merciful love. Please help him to know that he will be rewarded in the next life if he keeps faithful in this life. May he know that the woman who is blessed with sales but is very dishonest is getting good things in this life for the little good she does, but she will not be able to be blessed with the one thing that is most important: the reward of eternal life (if she continues unrepentant in her sin).

May Jaypeeto4 see the big picture: that You will reward the just in the next life and will punish the unjust in the next life; may Jaypeeto4 understand that You are perfectly fair, even if you put us through great trials in this life. If You give us a lot of heartache and suffering in this life it is because You consider us Your friends and You want us to be purified and want us to gain great merit so we will have a close place with You in Heaven. May Jaypeeto4 not get angry with You but trust in what You are doing in his life. You are forcing him to place all of his confidence in You and all of his dependancy on You - he knows he can do nothing on his own; he knows with You all is possible. May he not get angry because this is how you are trying to help him. This “punishment” he is experiencing is actually a remedy to all his ills, and a sign of Your merciful love toward him.

May Jaypeeto4 keep praying for patience, peace, humility, self-abandonment, and total trust in You. And may he continue to pray for himself - he needs to. May he know that this life is a vale of tears and here we follow the way of the Cross to Calvary. You have Jaypeeto4 exactly where you want us all - at Calvary … please help Jaypeeto4 to unite his sufferings to Yours and to offer them up for himself and his family, even for the holy souls of purgatory. Help him to bite his tongue when he begins to murmur or blaspheme; help him to be perfectly abandoned to (and accepting of) your holy and perfect will. You have a plan for Jaypeeto4, may Jaypeeto4 not interfere with it by getting angry with You, but be self-abandoned to your loving will.

Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayer.
 
Hi to all of you who posted above.
THANK YOU ALL so VERY much for your prayers.
This whole situation has me practically insane, and I am deeply grateful for your
prayers.

To one point, though,
it is true that the Prosperity Gospel is a protestant thing, and even then only a small segment of protestantism, too, namely those well-meaning but very mistaken oddballs
on Trinity Broadcasting.
God and Christ never promised us that he was going to make us all millionaires in
this life for being Christians. I couldn’t agree MORE.
BUT, I am not asking for a luxurious life. I am asking for basic needs.
That is not a “prosperity” gospel. One well known biblical prayer,
fully inspired by the Holy Spirit, is
“LORD, give me neither POVERTY NOR riches.” Very sensible and to the point.
Contrary though, to those well meaning Catholics who think that Jesus never promised us any material blessings in this life, THAT is seriously mistaken, too, because
He most certainly did. He promised that believers would receive, in THIS life, friends, new relatives, houses, farms, fields, (all are material/financial blessings here mentioned), along WITH PERSECUTIONS. Some folks are happy to remind us that Jesus promised us the persecutions, but are VERY uncomfortable and unwilling to remind us, and remind Jesus in our prayers, that He promised us TEMPORAL help TOO. He did promise it to us, it is in scripture as clear as crystal, so **we do have the legitimate basis **to ask Him for that help. We cannot do his will and serve our neighbors and elderly parents, if we are paupers and starving to death and unable to pay our debts and monthly bills. He did promise us temporal help. Of course, our greatest needs are spiritual, we all know that, or at least we should know that, but we have bodies, and bodies require homes to live in, food to eat, clothes to wear. He promised that we would always have these things, even castigating those who worried “what are we to eat? what are we to wear? what are we to drink?” He replied to them “why do you have so little faith??? If God who clothed the grass of the field, and Solomon in all his splendor was never clothed as well as one of these lilies of the field, will He not ALL THE MORE clothe YOU, o ye of little faith???”
So, again, and again, I remind all: yes He DID promise us temporal help, not just spiritual.

I don’t want my habitually thieving co-worker to get in trouble, lose her job, or god forbid be arrested for her misdeeds. I just want her to KNOCK IT OFF. To CHANGE HER WAYS. To be satisfied with what SHE RIGHTFULLY EARNS (which is a good amount, because she IS naturally talented at selling,so she doesn’t even HAVE to steal our sales, she does just fine WITHOUT THAT. Thus there is no excuse for her habitually dishonest behavior.)).
I am a very merciful person despite my penchant for getting ((unjustly but nervously)) angry at God at times. This woman once told me that her religious background is CATHOLIC. So I pray for her, enroll her in prayer leagues, and have OTHERS pray for her. But NOTHING seems to affect her. I consider her a sister, a very wicked sister, but a Catholic sister nonetheless, and I just want her to KNOCK OFF THE EVIL BEHAVIOR. That’s ALL. I DON’T want revenge or to see her driven from society or arrested.

I agree that the Prosperity Gospel, that “Gawd” is just a’achin’ to make yew-all a buncha MILLIONAIRES in exchange for yew all’s SEED Offerin’, is a totally false gospel.
But Jesus DID promise us temporal blessings, and a lot of them, along with the sufferings (the “persecutions”) we would all endure one way or another. I don’t want nor expect Jesus to make me rich. I ask for the help he knows I need, and very little more.
Thanks again, very much, for praying for me, I really needed (and still very much need it).
And please pray that I make a good confession, because I really don’t know what-all to confess in this matter. Five thousand blasphemies and murderous thoughts???
My priest would think I was exaggerating. He already thinks I am way too scrupulous.
He is mistaken. The problem is that for many years I was UNscrupulous a sinner, and now I am remembering many, many sins (some imaginary I am sure) that never bothered me as much as they do now. But I do not, not EVER, want to have those horrendous and blasphemous sacrilegious thoughts ever again. I am not a strong person. I cannot, absolutely cannot, deal with all this stress. Please keep praying for me.
God bless all of you very richly, and thank you again very much.
Jaypeeto4
+JMJ+
PRAY THE ROSARY DAILY
 
Praying for you and your needs and intentions
from Psalm 37

Do not be provoked by the prosperous,
nor by malicious schemers.

Refrain from anger; abandon wrath;
do not be provoked; it brings only harm.
Those who do evil will be cut off,
but those who wait for the LORD will inherit the earth.

Wait a little, and the wicked will be no more;
look for them and they will not be there.
But the poor will inherit the earth,
will delight in great prosperity.

The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
But my Lord laughs at them,
because he sees that their day is coming.

The wicked unsheath their swords;
they string their bows
To fell the poor and oppressed,
to slaughter those whose way is upright.
Their swords will pierce their own hearts;
their bows will be broken.

Better the meagerness of the righteous one
than the plenty of the wicked.
 
Jaypeeto4 -
I have been praying for you every day since your original post. I will continue to remember you in my daily prayers. I hope you’re being strenghtened by all here who are praying for you. Please, continue to pray as well and draw strength from Jesus. He WILL carry you through.
God bless you.
 
I too suffer from intrusive thoughts and I also have social anxiety disorder.
I’m having a difficult time myself and prayers are my only way to cope.
All my prayers’ intention are to ask for the grace of repentance and I’ve been praying
the rosary for about a month now.

Just persevere in praying and block the thoughts as soon as you can. Ask the aid
of the Saints. Right now I’m praying the novena of St. Dymphna for my psychological
difficulties.

Will be praying for you…
 
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