C
catholic0913
Guest
Hello,
I am a person who considers myself to be very lucky to be Catholic. I used to enjoy every fruits of the Catholic church and was full of love for Jesus. Jesus, in his merciful heart, has helped me immigrate to North America and to find my current job which I am truly grateful for. Everything was good until about 8 months ago, some desire came to my heart and I started to wish that this desire of mine comes true in reality. I have been attending mass daily (yes, including the weekday masses), been praying Chaplet of Divine Mercy, 54 day novena and all for the past 8 months. Despite my prayer, however, the situation doesn’t seem to be improving and it’s always status-quo. I even made God promise that if this desire of mine does come true, that I will try my best for my own sanctification, and that I will pray hard for the conversion of sinners and the souls in purgatory. But like I said the situation is not improving in my favour and now I am all sad and depressed just because of the thought that God will not make my wish come true. If God is gracious and merciful, he could have told me that it is not his will that my desire should come true earlier on so that I can give up on my dream more peacefully, but this desire has been growing in my mind steady and now this is all I think about throughout the day. And the very thought that my desire will not come in reality makes me literally go depressed. I tried to pray 5 decades of rosary today but I could not meditate on the mysteries like I used to. When I pray, I feel the coldness in my heart, coming from bitter disappointment. Now that I am experiencing this, my biggest fear is not only that my wish will not come true, but I am also starting to fear that I will be angry at God forever and thus unable to feel his love that he has for me. I am keep on praying but day after day I am losing my hope. People has been telling me that God will give me what I need, not necessarily what I want, but this hasn’t been help for me. My desire is so strong that if it does come true in future, I will be so grateful to God that I would do anything for him.
What should I do? I have no peace in me.
I am a person who considers myself to be very lucky to be Catholic. I used to enjoy every fruits of the Catholic church and was full of love for Jesus. Jesus, in his merciful heart, has helped me immigrate to North America and to find my current job which I am truly grateful for. Everything was good until about 8 months ago, some desire came to my heart and I started to wish that this desire of mine comes true in reality. I have been attending mass daily (yes, including the weekday masses), been praying Chaplet of Divine Mercy, 54 day novena and all for the past 8 months. Despite my prayer, however, the situation doesn’t seem to be improving and it’s always status-quo. I even made God promise that if this desire of mine does come true, that I will try my best for my own sanctification, and that I will pray hard for the conversion of sinners and the souls in purgatory. But like I said the situation is not improving in my favour and now I am all sad and depressed just because of the thought that God will not make my wish come true. If God is gracious and merciful, he could have told me that it is not his will that my desire should come true earlier on so that I can give up on my dream more peacefully, but this desire has been growing in my mind steady and now this is all I think about throughout the day. And the very thought that my desire will not come in reality makes me literally go depressed. I tried to pray 5 decades of rosary today but I could not meditate on the mysteries like I used to. When I pray, I feel the coldness in my heart, coming from bitter disappointment. Now that I am experiencing this, my biggest fear is not only that my wish will not come true, but I am also starting to fear that I will be angry at God forever and thus unable to feel his love that he has for me. I am keep on praying but day after day I am losing my hope. People has been telling me that God will give me what I need, not necessarily what I want, but this hasn’t been help for me. My desire is so strong that if it does come true in future, I will be so grateful to God that I would do anything for him.
What should I do? I have no peace in me.