P
petitefleur
Guest
My dear friends,
I don’t know what’s been happening to me recently. I need your most urgent prayers.
I’m so ashamed of myself that I don’t dare open any replies to my prayer requests anymore.
About 7 months ago, I had to go back to my country of citizenship to take care of my papers. I still have about 30 days to go in this place. For some strange reason, I am always deeply distressed here and struggle with strange, sinful fantasies, which promptly disappear whenever I leave the country. I’ll be going abroad in a month, but I’m so scared I won’t last that long. I feel disgusted with myself and I feel that these thoughts make me worthless as a human being; and they also make it difficult for me to sleep.
Due to the rarity of books/printed literature and the political situation, I just feel really trapped (can’t communicate with others) and each minute goes on forever.
My father has violent tendencies but it’s not possible to talk about it to others or call the police, since this is a Muslim society. Starting about 5 minutes ago, I started having non-stop thoughts of using my sexuality to “deal with him” (as a way to exert power/control, perhaps, I don’t know). I used to be happy being a teacher and writer abroad, but since people don’t like to read in this place, those who have lots of money are usually very boorish men who are not very educated. Women are valued more on their appearance than their intelligence; actually high intelligence tends to be a liability here. I feel like I’m slowly going mad, or degenerating into some sort of immoral creature without any specific reason.
My dad has threatened to sabotage my health forms if I don’t cooperate (I need to complete certain immunizations, tests etc. before leaving the country; my parents keep my past immunization records and we still need to get them translated by a notary and so on). I just feel that this way of life is so dehumanizing.
Last month some churches throughout the country were bombed, and every time I go to church there’s still lots of security. This creates an atmosphere of fear amongst Christians, doctors, mental health workers etc. so that even honest discussions are almost impossible. I’m so ashamed of myself.
I’ve tried to pray, but in the absence of constructive human interactions, I just can’t calm down enough to pray.
If it’s not too much to ask, can you please ask your local prayer groups/church communities to pray for me? I’m really scared for my life and for my sanity.
Please pray for my safety, peace of mind, faith, friendships and future. Thank you
I don’t know what’s been happening to me recently. I need your most urgent prayers.
I’m so ashamed of myself that I don’t dare open any replies to my prayer requests anymore.
About 7 months ago, I had to go back to my country of citizenship to take care of my papers. I still have about 30 days to go in this place. For some strange reason, I am always deeply distressed here and struggle with strange, sinful fantasies, which promptly disappear whenever I leave the country. I’ll be going abroad in a month, but I’m so scared I won’t last that long. I feel disgusted with myself and I feel that these thoughts make me worthless as a human being; and they also make it difficult for me to sleep.
Due to the rarity of books/printed literature and the political situation, I just feel really trapped (can’t communicate with others) and each minute goes on forever.
My father has violent tendencies but it’s not possible to talk about it to others or call the police, since this is a Muslim society. Starting about 5 minutes ago, I started having non-stop thoughts of using my sexuality to “deal with him” (as a way to exert power/control, perhaps, I don’t know). I used to be happy being a teacher and writer abroad, but since people don’t like to read in this place, those who have lots of money are usually very boorish men who are not very educated. Women are valued more on their appearance than their intelligence; actually high intelligence tends to be a liability here. I feel like I’m slowly going mad, or degenerating into some sort of immoral creature without any specific reason.
My dad has threatened to sabotage my health forms if I don’t cooperate (I need to complete certain immunizations, tests etc. before leaving the country; my parents keep my past immunization records and we still need to get them translated by a notary and so on). I just feel that this way of life is so dehumanizing.
Last month some churches throughout the country were bombed, and every time I go to church there’s still lots of security. This creates an atmosphere of fear amongst Christians, doctors, mental health workers etc. so that even honest discussions are almost impossible. I’m so ashamed of myself.
I’ve tried to pray, but in the absence of constructive human interactions, I just can’t calm down enough to pray.
If it’s not too much to ask, can you please ask your local prayer groups/church communities to pray for me? I’m really scared for my life and for my sanity.
Please pray for my safety, peace of mind, faith, friendships and future. Thank you