Please help- terrified I’m going to hell

[CatholicLeanne]

I’m a Catholic convert, however a while ago I fell into a very dark period of mortal sin and I don’t know how to dig myself out.

I don’t know what happened to me. I used to be so into my faith and I loved God so much, but now I am so numb and apathetic on the inside that I just don’t care anymore. I know my sin offends God and yet I cannot bring myself to care. My mind is so foggy that no matter how much I want to come back I can’t think, I can’t pray, I can’t even muster up the will to be sorry for all that I’ve done. It’s to the point where Catholic stuff seems to repel me; I was at Mass the other week and I was just sitting through it not really paying attention (because I simply couldn’t) and during the consecration I just had this intense feeling that I needed to get OUT, like I didn’t belong there in the presence of God. I tried to stay but it was unbearable, I had to run away.

(Something similar has happened to me before in Adoration, but I was in a state of grace at the time.)

I truly believe I am going to go to hell and there’s nothing I can do to change that. If after all the graces God has given me, all the chances He’s given me to repent, all the times He has revealed to me His love and majesty, I can still reject Him, what hope do I have of being saved?

I must be disgusting to Him. It amazes me that I can kneel before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and not be struck dead. I hear all the time about how much He loves everyone and that we have the chance to repent as long as we’re still alive, but what if I just can’t repent? I don’t know how to be sorry because I just don’t love God. I’m too afraid of Him to love Him.

Besides, I’ve heard Fr Ripperger say something about how God, after a certain amount of mortal sins, cuts people off from the grace to repent and so they will be sent to Hell, and only if people pray for that person does He sometimes give them one last chance. I can’t help but feel like my chance is past. He’s done so much for me, and yet I’ve thrown it all away.

I have a feeling when I die, I’ll be running to Hell just to get away from Him.

 

[Jesuslover]

only if people pray for that person does He sometimes give them one last chance.

I will pray for you.

 

[Chistian-ity]

Talk to your priest.

 

[Alligator]

I too will pray for you.

I understand what you are going through. I recommend praying the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy. It is the only thing keeping me going right now, and it is helping! Don’t run away from Jesus! Run towards Him! He is waiting for you!

 

[annad347]

Besides, I’ve heard Fr Ripperger say something about how God, after a certain amount of mortal sins, cuts people off

That’s not true, Jesus says He will forgive you over and over again all you have to do is return to Him.

God will always love you, there is nothing that anyone or anything can do that will end that love… all you have to do is accept it.

You really need to speak to your priest. You need to talk to someone about why are you afraid of God. He loves you.

 

[Frankenfurter]

Innocence

Humility

You are not bad in Gods eye. Just a small child who has begun to comprehend her sins.

God loves you as you grow.

 

[HomeschoolDad]

In years past, I have been closer to your situation, than I care to admit or discuss publicly. I think it is fair to say that every Catholic, indeed every believer, on this forum, will pray for you when they learn of your situation. We have at least two priests on the forum, @edward_george1 and @InThePew — there may be more. Please don’t hesitate to PM them with your concerns.

I recommend that you make an appointment, possibly with a priest you don’t know, if you would be more comfortable with that, and tell him everything you’ve described here. Or with a trusted priest you do know — that’s your call, you’re good either way. I think it’s a fair bet that the mere fact you are here discussing these things, means that you are very, very far from being “lost”.

The Catholic and Christian life can be very difficult for some people in some circumstances — I’ve walked that road myself — and it is easy to get discouraged. Don’t try to deal with this all by yourself. Find someone to talk to.

You will be in my prayers.

 

[Kobayashi-Maru]

Isaiah had a similar reaction in the presence of the Lord. It is good that you recognize your sinfulness and feel unworthy. It is those that God saves, not the self-righteous (see Luke 18:9-14). Confess, repent and allow God to forgive you.

“In the year of King Uzziah’s death I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. Seraphim stood above Him, each having six wings: with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called out to another and said, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is the LORD of hosts, The whole earth is full of His glory.” And the foundations of the thresholds trembled at the voice of him who called out, while the temple was filling with smoke. Then I said, “Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I live among a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.” Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, “Behold, this has touched your lips; and your iniquity is taken away and your sin is forgiven.””
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭6:1-7

 

[TK421]

@CatholicLeanne

I’ve been through this phase. Many people have. Many canonized saints have. It is a good sign.

Fear will be routed out in time through love.

Tell your story of God’s love in your life

Cathy Peacock's life changed when she accepted that God wants to reveal himself to everyone, and she began her personal encounter with Christ. She urges everyone to share their own stories of faith.

catholicphilly.com

Peace.

 

[JMMJ]

This sounds like a psychological problem. It isn’t usual for one to switch their outlook, spiritually, so drastically unless there are other things going on in their life. Can you p(name removed by moderator)oint when you started to feel this way? Or was it very gradual? Did something happen to make you change your view? Did you learn more information?

You don’t need to answer here, but perhaps a visit with a therapist may be your best bet to help you sort this out. That is what I recommend when friends have changed their world view, but aren’t happy about where they are with it.

Be kind to yourself.

 

[Weave]

I would suggest looking into the Virtue of Hope.

 

[Cuddles57]

Fr.Ripperger said that? A priest actually said that? Huh. To say such a thing, to say such a lie against the Divine Mercy is astounding to me.

 

[Annie]

First, i would check to see if there is something physical going on. I had a physical problem that caused great lassitude and it was years before it was diagnosed.

I assume you have been to confession and are making an effort to stop sinning; that would be the first step.

It may be helpful for you to learn about discernment of the spirits. Here is the first of a series of podcasts on this: https://www.discerninghearts.com/ca...ake-action-with-fr-timothy-gallagher-podcast/ Fr Gallagher has also written a book on this topic, but these podcasts are very comprehemsive.

The way the evil spirits interact with us when we are in a state of grace or of mortal sin differs. Here is a list of the “rules” which discuss this and which are explained above: The 14 Rules for Discerning of Spirits - "The Different Movements Which Are Caused In The Soul"

 

[Servant31]

Yes I’m no priest but this doesn’t sound like catholic doctrine to me. Remember that you can always repent.

I read the experience of one near death experiencer. He was an atheist, died and was being dragged into hell. He remember believing in Jesus at a very young age and prayed “Jesus please save me”. Jesus showed up…

If I could recommend the divine mercy chap let devotion? This helps to emphasize Jesus’ mercy. In your post you seemed to indicate that your putting in great effort to get closer to God. He knows this. Keep up a reasonable prayer life, talk to your pastor about your struggles…God will help you overcome. He won’t leave you.

Edit: Something you mentioned stood out to me, how you think God thinks you’re disgusting. I don’t think He does. He made you, and he knows you, sin and all. He died on the cross for us all so we all could repent. That near death experiencer I mentioned said that Jesus really likes us. Remember when the apostles sinned… they repented, and the Jesus gave them something to do. We all have guilt from our sins , but that’s different from self loathing… Guilt drives us to the confessional and to repentance, but then we have to try to do better, to improve. I’ll pray for you too, don’t give up hope!

 

[stuartbrianhenlis]

Leanne,

I fully identify with your situation. I, too, have my doubts about God’s love for me. I question my worthiness of his love, despite proof to the contrary. But I realize this doubt is based on my severely abusive childhood and mental illness.

May I urge you to seek professional help. You may be experiencing the effects of severe depression. And, most definitely, share your fears with a priest. Remember that you are not alone.

Stuart

 

[Patri]

You saying all these things here shows deep down, you really don’t want to go to hell. You being alive means there is time for that not to happen. Go to confession and say what you’ve said here. Go to the Blessed Sacrament and pour out these same frustrations and lack of feelings to Jesus. The devil wants us to despair, to feel we are unloved, that there is no hope… But, he is called the father of lies for a reason. Offer your suffering and pray without ceasing, God always, always listens. Some of the greatest saints went through periods of darkness. I leave you with the phrase that characterised my saint for this year “do not be afraid.”

 

[HumbleIOughtToBe]

We all are. Some deny hell. Some imagine other people in hell and live in ignorance. Some say they will get to confession every other week (only to die 3 days before the next cycle). Some just pray to God they can get to purgatory. Some give up. Some get angry at God regarding hell.

 

[Margaret_Ann]

I’ve heard Fr Ripperger say something about how God, after a certain amount of mortal sins, cuts people off from the grace to repent and so they will be sent to Hell, and only if people pray for that person does He sometimes give them one last chance.

Was he referring to one of the sermons of St. Alphonsus de Liguori? (I saw the sermon of St. Alphonsus on that topic posted on another Catholic website.)

About 10-11 years ago when I was on retreat, I told the priest I felt I had wasted my life in laziness. He helped me to understand that I had NOT wasted my life.

Everything you posted I’ve gone through in my own life. Here’s what helped me:

1. PRAYER. Pray the Our Father, Hail Mary and Guardian Angel prayer even if you don’t feel like it. You can be as dry as a log in prayer and pray well. Conversely, one can have good feelings and not actually pray.

Pray to Our Lady to help you. She will intercede for you even if you just say “Mary, help me!”

I’ve been going through a rough time spiritually since my mom passed away.

I’ve lots more to post but it’s going for 1:10 a.m. and I have to turn in. Good night!

And pray morning & evening prayers too!

 

[OurLadyofSorrows]

Besides, I’ve heard Fr Ripperger say something about how God, after a certain amount of mortal sins, cuts people off from the grace to repent and so they will be sent to Hell, and only if people pray for that person does He sometimes give them one last chance.

I have watched quite a few of his youtubes and have never heard him speak like this. It would be against Catholic Doctrine, and he is a stickler for doctrine.
You have this confused with context. He was speaking of what a saint said.

Why not just go into confession. I strongly believe you should be discussing your fear with a professional…

 

[InThePew]

I truly believe I am going to go to hell and there’s nothing I can do to change that. If after all the graces God has given me, all the chances He’s given me to repent, all the times He has revealed to me His love and majesty, I can still reject Him, what hope do I have of being saved?

For starters, this isn’t Catholic teaching. The hope you have of being saved is the same hope you’ve always had - the same hope we all have. No one is ever, can ever be outside of God’s mercy.

Besides, I’ve heard Fr Ripperger say something about how God, after a certain amount of mortal sins, cuts people off from the grace to repent and so they will be sent to Hell, and only if people pray for that person does He sometimes give them one last chance. I can’t help but feel like my chance is past. He’s done so much for me, and yet I’ve thrown it all away.

This also isn’t what the Church teaches - there is never any such thing as our last chance with God until we breathe our last (and even then…). The grace to repent, the invitation to repent is always available; like the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son, God waits and watches anxiously, longingly for our return, never giving up on us never cutting us off and certainly never abandoning us.

The sad reality is that pretty much all sins are habitual and you’re far from the first to fall into a state of apathy and helplessness as a result of your struggle with sin. God doesn’t want us to fear Him, he wants us to love Him and you show your love for Him simply by being willing to come before the Blessed Sacrament - something whcih also shows you definitely haven’t rejected Him.

Every time somebody comes to me in confession after a long time away, my response is always the same - “welcome back” because this is God’s response. Nothing we do can ever separate us from His love, no matter how stuck in our sinfulness we might be we are never beyond His mercy and His forgiveness is always ours for the asking. We cannot begin to love Him though unless we also love ourselves despite our sinfulness.

The first thing you need to do is to talk with your priest. Ideally, you should make an appointment but if that’s more than you feel you can do right now then just go to confession whenever it’s next scheduled and embrace the forgiveness and healing God wants you to have.

Also, I would also strongly urge you not to listen to Fr Ripperberger (or any similar sort of material) any more - it’s clearly doing you a lot more harm than good!