Please help. Time sensitive question

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mommamaree

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I am a newer convert, so please forgive me for what might seem obvious.

I have three kids, age 7, 4.5, and 1.5. My husband is working out of town during the week. Tomorrow being a holy day of obligation, I have been freaking out how to meet my mass obligation. (Not that I don’t want to go, mind you.)

Here is the problem. My kids are acting up like crazy because my husband has been gone so much. They have seen him 2 or 3 days in the last couple of weeks. They misbehave so much in public. Last Sunday, my husband and I had to take turns stepping out with our toddler, who was disruptive and willful. The family behind us were whispering about her. We do not have nursery services available. I have no family nearby. All of my friends are also Catholic, with families as large or larger than mine, with their own childcare worries to consider. We do not have a cry room. It is either us remaining in our seats or leaving the building.

I cannot, for the life of me, figure out how to go to mass! 😊
Is this even possibly a legitimate excuse for missing mass? I have emailed the priest, but in case he isn’t able to get back to me in time, I thought I would post my question here. Of course, if he does get back to me soon, I will follow his direction. But just in case he can’t due to busyness, can anyone here help me figure this one out. I don’t want to be cavalier or presumptious, and end up in mortal sin.
 
I believe care of children can dispense you of your obligation to attend Mass. If this were going to be a routine (weekly) occurrence, I would recommend finding some way to be able to attend Mass, for example you attending one Mass and your husband attending another (but even then I’m not sure you would have an obligation to do so, though it would be prudent). See the Catechism:

2181
The Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice. For this reason the faithful are obliged to participate in the Eucharist on days of obligation, unless excused for a serious reason (for example, illness, the care of infants) or dispensed by their own pastor. Those who deliberately fail in this obligation commit a grave sin.

In case you are tempted to question at exactly what age your children stop being infants, note that the care of infants is only given as an example, but the actual condition is “serious reason,” which would seem to encompass this situation without hinging on the exact definition of infant.
 
Thanks Urbana. Very helpful and clear answer! No, this wouldn’t be a weekly problem. Only tomorrow, due to my husband working in another city. Sunday obligation is still a challenge at this stage, but we make it together. 👍
 
First, don’t worry about whether or not that family was whispering about your kid (I know, easier said than done).
Second, don’t freak out, don’t worry :). Can you just go to Mass and see what happens? Bring a little snack for your 1 yr old if you think that would help, and something for your 4 yr old to color? Is there a friend you can call that you can sit with/near, even if your friend has many kids in case you need to walk to the back with your 1.5 yr old? Believe me, I get it, I have kids around your kids’ ages. Our 16 mo old loves to be loud all of a sudden. I have been alone to Mass with little kiddos and know it can be tough, but it was always worth it.

Also, is there another church with a cry room that you can drive to if you feel more comfortable with a cry room? Sometimes it is worth it to drive a little farther if the timing is right or the location is good. Don’t worry if you spend most of the Mass having to struggle, the graces are still there.
 
mommamaree said:
Thanks Urbana. Very helpful and clear answer! No, this wouldn’t be a weekly problem. Only tomorrow, due to my husband working in another city. Sunday obligation is still a challenge at this stage, but we make it together. 👍
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Agreed that the care of small children relieves you of your Mass obligation. Now for the longer term issue, can you find a church with a cry room? Or alternately, can you and your husband take turns going to Mass - one an earlier Mass and one a later one? My mother had three children in three years and she and my dad used the “tag team” approach for the first few month of each of my siblings lives. 🙂

I know it must be very frustrating now but it is a short term problem. In a few months or a year, all three will be old enough to sit through Mass.
 
I appreciate all the responses. 🙂

To the question of finding another church…this is not an option. We are in Catholic mission territory, and our parish is the largest. The other churches are little more than chapels.

Another tough thing is no pews. We have these little stackable chairs. My kids are forever falling off of them or having the chair slide out from underneath them w hen they try to sit down. Another hazard of having mass in the parish hall gymnasium. I cannot wait till we raise the funds to break ground for the bigger church! :o

To the question of alternating with my husband…well, if he were in town to do this, then we would just go together. :). The problem is that he is out of town working, and I can’t figure out how to get three stressed-out little one’s through mass all by myself. 😊
 
you SHOULD be cleared of your obligation, by virtue of having a duty that cannot be put aside.
(namely child care)

IF you had a friend who could swap out babysitting so each of you could go to one service (they at 7, you at 9 for instance) available, then you should do that! but if it is not available there is no need to “beat yourself up”

just do what you can, and when you can go to confession… (make an appointment if you must) and explain.

i confess i have missed holy days of obligation for FAR less reason than this:blush:

i am also a recent-ish convert.
 
oh, and i do mean it seriously that perhaps you can find another mom who would like to switch off babysitting and mass attendance with you!

you can also , when you get in touch with the priest, ask if he can help you find a solution… as i am sure your problem is NOT unique.

and thank you for reminding me how blessed i am to live in a Catholic rich community
 
It might be good to talk to the parish about placing an ad in the bulletin to start some kind of babysitting program. You could probably find teenagers that need service hours for school, clubs, or Confirmation classes that would be happy to watch a couple of kids in a room on the church’s campus during Mass.
 
Thanks fabric dragon.

Well, in theory, I like your suggestion. Trouble is, I have already been abusing my poor friends with having them watch my kids for counselor and priest and doctor appts. Been really sick and emotionally distraught lately. They have helped so much. Plus, one is a teacher and will be working during tomorrow’s masses. Another has a back injury. Another is not on the best of terms with me since I stopped homeschooling. :o. I confess I didn’t even want to ask them. 😊

Oh well. I am still hoping to hear from the priest with enough time. I cannot imagine my Sundays without mass, but this midweek one, with no help with these stressed out kids has got me shakin in my boots. :o
 
Iheartcoffee said:
It might be good to talk to the parish about placing an ad in the bulletin to start some kind of babysitting program. You could probably find teenagers that need service hours for school, clubs, or Confirmation classes that would be happy to watch a couple of kids in a room on the church’s campus during Mass.
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I like this idea. However, while speaking with the priest’s secretary today about it, she said that they are not equipped right now to address this concern.
I think we are all just gritting our teeth and holding our breath until we build our new church, which will have a cry room, pews, kneelers, an altar rail, proper “facilities”, etc. Our parish has swollen in numbers so much that we have standing room only in a full-size gym, for each of the three masses each Sunday. Something to be thankful for, even with all the challenges we face because of it.
 
mommamaree said:
I like this idea. However, while speaking with the priest’s secretary today about it, she said that they are not equipped right now to address this concern.
I think we are all just gritting our teeth and holding our breath until we build our new church, which will have a cry room, pews, kneelers, an altar rail, proper “facilities”, etc. Our parish has swollen in numbers so much that we have standing room only in a full-size gym, for each of the three masses each Sunday. Something to be thankful for, even with all the challenges we face because of it.
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I think that this is really not the secretary’s thing to tell you. I would make an appointment and ask to talk to the priest about a private matter. Then, explain your situation to him, ask for his advice and offer your idea for the future. It may be something he has not heard of if the secretary is “screening” out his questions. It’s worth a try. May God bless you and guide you. 🙂
 
Irishmom2 said:
I think that this is really not the secretary’s thing to tell you. I would make an appointment and ask to talk to the priest about a private matter. Then, explain your situation to him, ask for his advice and offer your idea for the future. It may be something he has not heard of if the secretary is “screening” out his questions. It’s worth a try. May God bless you and guide you. 🙂
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I am waiting to see what Father has to say regarding my dilemma. He is becoming more aware of concerns of parents. He is a Gen Xer, like myself, so we see eye-to-eye on many things. In my personal conversations with him, he has always been very interested in the perspectives and challenges of parents. It helps that his sister and BIL have a young family, and that he is close with them. This might be something he would be appreciative to be made aware of.
 
I’d suggest two things: first, that you ask your children’s guardian angels to help their young charges to be quiet and well-behaved during Mass. Second, that you take a child out of church during Mass only if he is creating an extreme disturbance. When my children were little, I learned (much to my dismay) that I was only reinforcing naughty behavior by taking the children out of the church when they acted up. Young as they were, they caught on pretty quickly that, if they cried long and loud enough, Mom would hurry them outdoors into the fresh air as fast as her varicosed legs could take her. 😉
 
Thankfully I heard back from my pastor tonight. He said it was definitely a legitimate reason to miss holy day mass. And he also said he is able to give me a dispensation, which he then did. He also gave some good counsel and offered his prayers for my family. I thank God we have such a gracious new pastor.

And now I can sleep easily tonight, knowing that I will not be sinning in missing mass tomorrow. Hopefully, someday soon this difficult time will pass and I will be able to go to mass and actually be able to remain in mass the whole time and not have to do parental acrobatics to ensure both my husband and myself can receive communion. :o
 
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