I just recently joined the Catholic Church through RCIA this past Easter. I have always believed in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. My dad was Catholic but does not practice. My mom was Methodist but we did not attend a church growing up due to this. I finally decided to join the Catholic Church because I always felt drawn to it. When I had kids I inquired about it and then through RCIA joined. I am married to an atheist. We got our marriage blessed and he obviously supported the decision for me to join and raise our children Catholic. During the process though my husband and I have had big issues. He has physically, emotionally and verbally abused me. We went through Retrovaille but things have got worse. Though there is not physical abuse my husband continues to not take accountability to his actions. We fight and when I try to talk about my relationship with God he calls me “a typical Christian that is a horrible person and hides behind God and to leave him alone!”. I do not know what to do? Divorce him even though the Bible says to stay with a non believer if they support your beliefs? I just can’t take the verbal abuse and name calling. I know divorce is hard and annulment is very difficult to get. Any advice or what to do would be helpful and lots of prayers! I just feel I am being pulled by the devil in this marriage!
I mainly just want to say, I’m sorry you have been going through this. I pray God will take you aside and lift you up for awhile, to rejuvenate you, to encourage you, and to strengthen you. I am truly sorry for such awful events to have occurred in your life right now.
I’m wondering if what your husband says comes from a fear that he won’t be accepted anymore. Maybe he feels threatened, or abandoned by you now trying to put God first. I’m not sure if you’ve done this, but try to think about how things might look on his side…keep in mind, anyone not desirous of serving God does not know God, and therefore is still in darkness. If you react to his bad behavior (the darkness he has no idea he is in) with disdain, this will make you the “typical Christian…” in their eyes. Scripture says it’s not " us vs them", but it can come across as such. Can you at least admit, without feeling pity for yourself and your situation, that this is how this comes across to him? Best thing to do right now is to try and ignore the lashing out and let it pass, try not to take it personally. Still respond to your husband with love, remembering what drew him to you, what you do love about him. Divorce isn’t going to really remedy anything…and I feel if you are asking here, you want to try and make things good. If the two of you have children together, you really must fight for this and be strong. They need to see love. Not divorce. Again, I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Listen, the devil is going to swing his tail to hit you in one way or the other. It’s inevitable in all lives, in one form or the other. If we give up fights (for the Lord) we’ll just continue to get slammed. We should know with prudence which battles to fight and those to let pass. It may be your husband us just a cruel heartless man…I’m reminded of what Our Lady said to Saint Jacinta of Fatima, that many marriages are not of a God and do not please God. It is also written that God hates divorce, So i want to second the notion you speak with a trusted priest about this. We here in internet land, can’t advise on something so deep and serious.
I understand you probably joined the church because you were in need. Understand though you are being fed by the bread of life, The Holy Eucharist, Jesus Himself. You are equipped more than most now. I’m not saying that to breed arrogance over non believers-no, god forbid it- but to help you remember what the faith teaches, what scripture teaches. Do you believe it? Take all these episodes of hurt astride for growing in faith. I know, it’s really really difficult. But this is how God wins…we stand our ground, we hold our positions…with meekness, with love, with gentleness. With understanding. -that come from God via communion. If you are a new Christian, you may not be feeling too strong, but exercise is what makes us fit. It is also said the Lord chastises whom he loves.(Hebrews 12:6). See each problem as an opportunity to listen to the Lord in prayer for guidance. In all things rejoice! How would you feel 10 years from now with having fought, stayed and with success. Despair is such a vicious faith-inoculating thing. Ask Jesus what He sees for you and what you should do. One day at a time.
God bless you loved one.
I’ll pray for God to bless your marriage and touch your husbands heart and yours.
