J
JessHav
Guest
a little background info:
I was born to a young, unmarried, troubled mother. She ran around with the wrong people, got pregnant, did drugs, drank, etc. She did this even after I was born, and my sister was born 5 years later. In fact, she even left us alone (I was 5 at the time, and sis was 1) to go drinking at a bar. I woke up, got scared and called 911. Needless to say, we were taken away from her and lived with our grandma for a year before she regained custody.
But it didn’t stop there. She met a guy, who was extremely physically abusive. When she was working at night, he beat me severely and threw me down the stairs into a dark basement for hours. She knew this. She saw the bruises. She stayed with him for 10 more years. She even married him and had a baby with him. He continued to beat me for a couple more years and verbally abused me until I moved out at age 15.
My mother left my stepdad several times but always came back. Finally, when I was 15, I had had enough and moved out to live with my grandma. I stayed there for a year and then was “adopted” legally and emotionally by my aunt and uncle, whom I now refer to as my mom and dad. I didn’t keep in contact with my mother, who stayed with my stepdad and subjected my sister and brother to more physical and emotional abuse. I, in the meantime, graduated high school with honors, graduated college, got married, had 2 children, etc.
Now my sister is 18 and out of control. She has only known my mother and stepfather’s warped lifestyle of drugs, alcohol, fighting, etc. whereas I was able to see a “normal” marriage and a “normal family.” She is hanging out with druggies, having sex with her boyfriend, lying to her boyfriend, skipping school, failing classes, getting suspended for skipping school, and is planning to move out of my mother’s house (now that she is 18) and move in with either her druggie friend or her boyfriend (who is 21 and works at McDonalds)
What a mess! I had no idea that it was this bad. I don’t know what to do to help her. I feel like I should; I mean, I would have never made it without my aunt and uncle’s help. (BTW they do not want to take her in b/c they feel that she is making really worse choices and has no motivation like I did)
I talked to my husband about having my sister move down to Alabama and go to a community college here. She would have to get her own job, get her own apartment and go to school. We would not offer financial support, only emotional support. I think it is a good idea----if she truly sees this as a new start and changes. Keep in mind that we are 25 and 23, live in an apartment, have a 3 month old baby and my husband has a good job. My point is we are young…do you think this is taking on too much responsibility for a troubled teen?
My “dad” (uncle) says to stay out of it, to worry about my own life and devote my energy to my dd and dh. He says it is my mother’s responsibility to help her. I just don’t think she will. I also think my sister needs a new start, new people, new school.
What do you think? Please help----all advice welcome!
I was born to a young, unmarried, troubled mother. She ran around with the wrong people, got pregnant, did drugs, drank, etc. She did this even after I was born, and my sister was born 5 years later. In fact, she even left us alone (I was 5 at the time, and sis was 1) to go drinking at a bar. I woke up, got scared and called 911. Needless to say, we were taken away from her and lived with our grandma for a year before she regained custody.
But it didn’t stop there. She met a guy, who was extremely physically abusive. When she was working at night, he beat me severely and threw me down the stairs into a dark basement for hours. She knew this. She saw the bruises. She stayed with him for 10 more years. She even married him and had a baby with him. He continued to beat me for a couple more years and verbally abused me until I moved out at age 15.
My mother left my stepdad several times but always came back. Finally, when I was 15, I had had enough and moved out to live with my grandma. I stayed there for a year and then was “adopted” legally and emotionally by my aunt and uncle, whom I now refer to as my mom and dad. I didn’t keep in contact with my mother, who stayed with my stepdad and subjected my sister and brother to more physical and emotional abuse. I, in the meantime, graduated high school with honors, graduated college, got married, had 2 children, etc.
Now my sister is 18 and out of control. She has only known my mother and stepfather’s warped lifestyle of drugs, alcohol, fighting, etc. whereas I was able to see a “normal” marriage and a “normal family.” She is hanging out with druggies, having sex with her boyfriend, lying to her boyfriend, skipping school, failing classes, getting suspended for skipping school, and is planning to move out of my mother’s house (now that she is 18) and move in with either her druggie friend or her boyfriend (who is 21 and works at McDonalds)
What a mess! I had no idea that it was this bad. I don’t know what to do to help her. I feel like I should; I mean, I would have never made it without my aunt and uncle’s help. (BTW they do not want to take her in b/c they feel that she is making really worse choices and has no motivation like I did)
I talked to my husband about having my sister move down to Alabama and go to a community college here. She would have to get her own job, get her own apartment and go to school. We would not offer financial support, only emotional support. I think it is a good idea----if she truly sees this as a new start and changes. Keep in mind that we are 25 and 23, live in an apartment, have a 3 month old baby and my husband has a good job. My point is we are young…do you think this is taking on too much responsibility for a troubled teen?
My “dad” (uncle) says to stay out of it, to worry about my own life and devote my energy to my dd and dh. He says it is my mother’s responsibility to help her. I just don’t think she will. I also think my sister needs a new start, new people, new school.
What do you think? Please help----all advice welcome!
Ugh. OMG, I just felt stomach pains reading about the abuse you went through at the hands of your mom’s husband. I have to mull it over a little, and I’ll stop back to give some advice. In the meanwhile, here is a big hug for you–you have grown up to be such a caring person–abuse sometimes can harden people, but you seem so kind and caring–and want to reach out to your sister. That is a beautiful testimony of faith in action, if I ever saw one.