Please Help... When a dad's physical limits affect family's spirituality

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Jimmy_B

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+JMJ+

As I write this, my family and I are going through a very difficult time. Mostly do to my disability and the difficult recovery I am experiencing, from having recently undergone a major surgery.

I have always been the strong one, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I was the one everyone else in my family counted on and leaned on, both in my immediate and extended family.

In my entire life, I have never asked anyone for help; it was always me they came to for help. And I have had a very difficult life, the most difficult life but the strongest faith.

Unfortunately, because my faith is stronger than my wife and kids, and that of my extended family, for some reason unknown to me, for the first time, I am experiencing a certain degree of “hostility” or resistance to my faith.

I am meeting resistance to my faith, which I have never experienced before. This is also making it more of a struggle for me, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I have converted many in my own family and brought many of them back to the Church. Every Rosary in my entire family, I have hand-made.

It is as if now that I am injured physically, my family is injured spiritually.

I have always been very open in expressing my faith. Now that I am physically weakened, it is as through I have also become spiritually weak. Not in my own faith, but in the influence I once was able to exhort by example, over my loved ones.

Continued on next post…
 
+JMJ+

Continued from last post…

For instance, as a family, we always attended Mass together every week, when I was physically strong. Once I was hospitalized and became bedridden, the rest of my family stopped attending Mass. I became too weak to take them or encourage them to go. Now I am in the position where I must ask for help to be driven to Mass and Confession, which I miss dearly. I would go to Confession weekly and attend Mass daily, if I physically could but I cannot.

Now that I am gaining some strength and would like for us as an entire family, begin again, practicing our faith together, I am now, in my weaken physical state and for the first time, being meet with resistance spiritually.

I am weakest physically now, and now, being challenge more than ever spirituality, by the ones I love and I don’t understand it? Especially by my seventeen year old son, whom I have always been close to and able to talk with about God.

I have maintained my faith, which has eased some of my suffering physically, which for some reason, for the first time as created more strife and conflict in my own home. I don’t know what to do. I have tried to remind myself of what St. Francis taught us, to; “Preach the Gospel often and use words when necessary” but that approach seems to be even less effective at this point.

I am afraid, if I don’t become physically stronger again, soon, I will lose my son. And my physical strength shouldn’t be a factor.

I don’t know what to do. I have experienced so much despair in the last couple of days and my heart is broken in two.

Please help me and pray for my family and me.

Love,

Jimmy
 
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. -James1:12I certainly will pray for you…dont forget the image of Divine Mercy…Jesus I Trust in YOU!

http://divinemercysunday.com/dm3.jpg

I havnt been in your position before so there is only so much I can say. All I can say is that you need to hang in there and I and others will pray for you.
 
Jimmy,

By the looks of your photo I guess we’re about the same age.
Although I have not been operated on, I’ve had some very serious problems with my back in the past. It really took years for me to fully recover to the point of functioning with no pain. I am a contractor so back function is essential to be able perform my work duties.
As you have stated in your post, this also took a toll on my marriage and family life, I also have two teenage children. I came to the conclusion that others just could not understand what I was going through. I was always in good shape and very athletic, then one day something happens then your life and that of your family changes.
The only thing that helped me through is the one thing that helps me through all of my problems and difficulties to this day, my faith in God. Your faith will become stronger as you progress in your recovery because you will find out that He alone understands what you are going through with your physical and spiritual pain.
When Jesus carried His cross, they ridiculed and spit upon Him, but He continued with love. He also told us that at times
when we hold on to our faith that those in our own households
would put us to the test.
Be strong, don’t loose hope, and do what ever is necessary to rehab to get your self back in shape. Remember God is with you.( Remember the “Footprints” poem). I’ll pray for you.

God Bless You,

Tony
 
I will pray for you, also.
I am sick.
I have multiple sclerosis and a variety of other health problems.
This has taken its toll on my family through the years.
I have been where you are at.
Please keep the faith and keep talking to God.
Believe me when I say this will pass and you will come out stronger than you ever thought you could be.
We love you and please post here whenever you need support.
God bless you…
Karen
 
this is the true test of your faith.
everyone goes through it in one form or another, sometimes in the form of a physical challenge like this, or of children and familie members actions, or a death in the family, a job situation, whatever it is, it happens to everyone, sometimes slowly sometimes dramatically.

up until the challenge comes we have been in a learning mode, a studying mode, a preparation mode, now we are facing the actual test of living the faith under the challenge. the faith is not really ours unless and until we undergo and pass the test. even if we fail in part or in total there is always the possibility of a make-up test, and we will be given a chance to re-take each part of the test until we “pass”.

No Cross, No Faith.
No Cross, No Joy
No Suffering, No redemption
No pain, no gain.

For each of us the cross is a different size, shape and weight but for each of us Christ is carrying it, and we are helping him, and he allows us only to bear the weight we can. He strengthens us so that we can bear ever more, because the heavier the weight we bear the most closely we are aligned with him in the act of carrying the cross and the more closely joined to his suffering on the Cross.

this is the principal burden, task and joy of life on this planet.

the task of one who is suffering now is to bear the cross united with Christ and be a silent witness, in the suffering, to those around him. your suffering is your prayer and your worship when you are unable to pray and worship in any other way.
 
Jimmy_B said:
+JMJ+

Continued from last post…

For instance, as a family, we always attended Mass together every week, when I was physically strong. Once I was hospitalized and became bedridden, the rest of my family stopped attending Mass. I became too weak to take them or encourage them to go. Now I am in the position where I must ask for help to be driven to Mass and Confession, which I miss dearly. I would go to Confession weekly and attend Mass daily, if I physically could but I cannot.

Now that I am gaining some strength and would like for us as an entire family, begin again, practicing our faith together, I am now, in my weaken physical state and for the first time, being meet with resistance spiritually.

I am weakest physically now, and now, being challenge more than ever spirituality, by the ones I love and I don’t understand it? Especially by my seventeen year old son, whom I have always been close to and able to talk with about God.

I have maintained my faith, which has eased some of my suffering physically, which for some reason, for the first time as created more strife and conflict in my own home. I don’t know what to do. I have tried to remind myself of what St. Francis taught us, to; “Preach the Gospel often and use words when necessary” but that approach seems to be even less effective at this point.

I am afraid, if I don’t become physically stronger again, soon, I will lose my son. And my physical strength shouldn’t be a factor.

I don’t know what to do. I have experienced so much despair in the last couple of days and my heart is broken in two.

Please help me and pray for my family and me.

Love,

Jimmy
Click to expand...
Brother there are a lot of “I” factors there it seems. All the way through the operative word seems to be “I”. I wonder where Jesus is in all this? You see the bible tells us in the book of wisdom not to lead our children to agitation.
I believe that your children are chosen, however children have to be led as with a spong.
A spong creats breathing space, if the children are not given space to live but are led by our own interpretation of christianity then they can be lead to resentment.
In resentment they will not follow and could lead others in the family to side with them, namelyour wives.

Brother if, as I suggested your family are chosen then I believe that Jesus is stopping you in your tracks telling you “let my people go” and if you do not slow down or stop leading the way youare they Jeus may take drastic stepps to see that your family are tended the way Jesus wants.
 
Littleone,

Your post really jolted me. When a person is suffering and in the pits emotionally, do you think it is wise to issue an untimely rebuke such as you have done here? Where is the spiritual work of mercy Christ asks of us, to comfort the afflicted, to counsel the doubtful? This post of yours causes me to doubt all the good ones you post here. :gopray2:
 
Jimmy_B said:
I am weakest physically now, and now, being challenge more than ever spirituality, by the ones I love and I don’t understand it? Especially by my seventeen year old son, whom I have always been close to and able to talk with about God.
Click to expand...
I am afraid, if I don’t become physically stronger again, soon, I will lose my son. And my physical strength shouldn’t be a factor.

I don’t know what to do. I have experienced so much despair in the last couple of days and my heart is broken in two.

Jimmy, I too have experienced some of what you have, when after 33 years in law enforcement out of the blue I had a heart attack which thank God was not too bad, but bad enough that I was forced to retire early. I didn’t want to retire, I had more to offer and loved what I was doing. I became very depressed as I went through a long period of getting better. To make a long story short, now 4 years later I am better than ever and have time for the only things which are really important, Faith & Family!

Don’t dispair, keep your eyes on Jesus, who suffered more for you and me than you and I ever will. Join your suffering to His and trust that He will lead you through this. We don’t know the plan, but know there is a plan for each of us, and God loves us as only God can. At my lowest point I never thought life could be so good as it is for me now, thanks be to God!

As for your son, if he is your oldest child you are just getting into the ages where our kids have to pull away from us some to become themselves and not just be a carbon copy of us. Some kids only withdraw a little, some a lot, and the more you chase after them sometimes they withdraw further. So don’t badger him, just love him and continue setting the best example you can as a man, and as a disciple of Christ. But remember if your son is grounded in his faith and love of God, (that doesn’t mean his faith is just like yours or as strong as yours yet), you won’t loose him. He has to become his own man, just like you and I did. You went through this as did I and almost every other man ever born, it’s a natural part of growing up. What you see and fear about him is most likely not as a result of your illness/injury that you are recovering from, but from your depression. Man to man I tell you do not be bashful in seeking medical help for the depression! Depression to some extent is a normal result of what you are going through, to what you feel you have lost.

I too will pray for you as you go through this test of faith!

Your Brother in Christ
Mike:gopray2:
 
littleone said:
Brother there are a lot of “I” factors there it seems. All the way through the operative word seems to be “I”. I wonder where Jesus is in all this? You see the bible tells us in the book of wisdom not to lead our children to agitation.
I believe that your children are chosen, however children have to be led as with a spong.
A spong creats breathing space, if the children are not given space to live but are led by our own interpretation of christianity then they can be lead to resentment.
In resentment they will not follow and could lead others in the family to side with them, namelyour wives.

Brother if, as I suggested your family are chosen then I believe that Jesus is stopping you in your tracks telling you “let my people go” and if you do not slow down or stop leading the way youare they Jeus may take drastic stepps to see that your family are tended the way Jesus wants.
Click to expand...
I disagree with you. As the father, Jimmy is the head of the household and is directly respondsible for the faith of his family.

You can find this in the Scriptures as well as the writings from the early Christians and the saints through modern day.

Jimmy, as a son I have seen similar things happen with my brother and sister, and if it weren’t for my father guiding me in the Faith there is a good chance that I would have been like them (fallen away). I pray that you have both a physical and a spiritual healing, but first and foremost that you adhere to the promptings of the Holy Spirit (through the Church) and that your family may do the same and humbly be obedient to you as head of the household.

+Mary, Queen of All Hearts and Help of All Christians, aid thy son, Jimmy, and wrap his family in your mantle, give them all a greater love of your Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ.

+O Good Jesus, hear your servant in his time of need, and may his suffering be a share in Your passion and be a source of merit for the conversion of his family. Amen.
 
I don’t know if this will help much but I just wanted to state a truth you must know - and that is, that when you are weak is when you are strongest. When you are weak, when you yeild and bow in your nothingness within, there is room for God’s power to enter. When you are strong and full, there is no room. God wants us to embrace where we are at right now. There is gift in the things of this moment. He gifts you with weakness now because perhaps with your son its what you need most right now.

This truth was renewed in my mind today by this post: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=127617

God’s peace be with you!
 
Brother if it seems I am putting you down it is not. I have been where you are I waited 10 years wanting someone to help me with my children. In the end I saw my eldest daughter die, murderderd because people told me to keep the lines tight and in the end it seemed that no matter what, it all went wrong. My wife changed churches, all because of too many options offered.

I see what you are going through and all I am saying is that in your situation it is easy to become frightened and this is when we might take the wrong turn want, what in our minds seems the right thing but Jesus is saying in your weakness He is strong to give them over to Him.

Cry out to Jesus, don’t let emotions settle in that is all I am saying I mean NO malace I have been where you are and it is taking me years to rebuild. Please, all I am saying is be patient, calm down, even though have confidence in Jesus, pray (as you are) and be strong. Don’t let your feeliings disguise what seems right, test all things in the Holy Spirit.
God bless
littleone
 
Jimmy B,
Code: 
         I can't offer you more than to say, you are in my prayers !
God Bless
Jim
 
Thank all of you. I know a big part of the problem, is the lack of sleep, combined with pain medicine. I am much more volnerable and I hate not feeling in full control.

My post is the truth, and I know my problems are real, especially with my seventeen-year-old son. However, I would not have posted last night, had I had some sleep and was not so “under the influence” of my pain medicine.

I hate taking medicine, but especially medicine that alters my level of consciousness. That is one of the reasons I can’t drive, I refuse to drive with pain medicine in my system, same as DUI, alcohol….

I thought is was harder for me to pray the Rosary kneeling (last night was the first time, since I’ve been home) and what I really discovered last night is; its harder for me not to recite the Rosary daily.

Last night, after posting, I recited the Sorrowful Mysteries and afterwards, I felt a sense of peace, I actually slept.

The Rosary, what a powerful prayer and I don’t need anyone to drive me to church to experience Jesus, just pray and recited the Rosary, for now… It works when I haven’t slept in two days, when I’m in pain and even when I am “under the influence” of my pain medicine.

I have been “weaning” myself off the pain medicine and as I feel better, it will be less of a factor but I think I will remind myself of the medicine I wasn’t taking, The nightly Rosary; Jesus through Mary and God through Jesus.

Thank you for all your posts.

Jimmy
 
Hi Jimmy,
I have been “weaning” myself off the pain medicine and as I feel better, it will be less of a factor.
Click to expand...
A close family member recently had quintuple bypass heart surgery and, like you, did not want to take pain meds. The cardiologist was upset with that because he said when the body is in pain, the heart has to work much harder to fight it and there can be complications (like higher blood pressure, etc.) that do more harm than the good of relinquishing pain meds.
Just a thought to share.

I’m glad you are feeling a little better, and that you reached out for help to all of us. No doubt many prayers were offered for you!

Suffering is one of the hardest tests to endure, but like Christ’s and that of our many martyrs, it is the most effective instrument of another’s conversion and salvation. You may think you have failed in many ways, but there is much hidden spiritual wealth you are acquiring for your family. Trust God’s wisdom and faithfulness in permitting you to undergo this.

When you are not well enough to pray the rosary, try the Divine Mercy chaplet, which is also a most effective devotion for others’ conversions, and is very easy to pray.

Praying and asking God’s continued blessings upon you,
Carole
 
Jim,
remember one thing, you can not make your children have faith. The resistance your 17 year old is giving you, is normal.
The best you can do is live out your faith, as an example to him. Eventually, through the grace of God, faith will come to him.

I went though tough love times with a independent minded teenage daughter. After I taught Confirmation Classes to high-school kids for 17 years, my own daughter refused to receive her Confirmation. I had to let her make her own decision on this. Well, when she reached age 21, she had a faith experience and receive Confirmation and ended up being a witness to Confirmation classes for years after. She’s 32 years old now with her own family and doing wonderful!

So, ease up a little on placing demands of religion on your family. They see your suffering and in time will connect the dots on how your faith, was strong through it all. You’ll be their role model.

God Bless
Jim
 
One of my sons left for the Deep South because he said latter that he thought he could do it on his own. He would not listen he got into drugs cost mea lot of heart break. I wondered what to do and I believe Jesus told me just to love him. By my example he would change. I did not see him for at least 5 months at one time and worse still he would not get in touch with his brothers or sister.

In loving him I bought him a mobile to keep in touch and paid for a card. I asked him if he would like to come up to have Christmas with us. He said he would and I didn’t push him. Now he has told me that he didn’t think I loved him this much. He has now been up in the same city I live in and we have a great friendship. I only loved him took no notice of any negative attitudes and showed interest in him at his height.
Hope that helps

God bless
littleone
 
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