Please help with fiance annulment issues

[f1refly23]

I am engaged to a wonderful woman who is not a Catholic. She has been married before and has not gotten an annulment yet. Her ex husband was previously married and that marriage was not annuled. She has done the preliminary questionaire, and has since gotten the full questionaire that contains questions regarding her mental health. She is a mental health professional and believes that it is not fair of me to ask her to continue this process due to what she describes as “organized religion interference,” with her personal medical history. I tried to equate it to the governments requirement of blood testing prior to marriage with no luck. She has been fully supportive and open to me being Roman Catholic, but this is a huge point of contention between us lately, as we can not even make plans for a marriage until the annulment process is at least begun. Has anyone had this situation come up before or does anyone have words of wisdom or support? Thank you so much for your time and help! ~God Bless~

 

[1ke]

I am engaged to a wonderful woman who is not a Catholic. She has been married before and has not gotten an annulment yet. Her ex husband was previously married and that marriage was not annuled. She has done the preliminary questionaire, and has since gotten the full questionaire that contains questions regarding her mental health. She is a mental health professional and believes that it is not fair of me to ask her to continue this process due to what she describes as “organized religion interference,” with her personal medical history. I tried to equate it to the governments requirement of blood testing prior to marriage with no luck.

I am sorry you are experiencing this. Perhaps you need to rethink a mixed marriage.

She has been fully supportive and open to me being Roman Catholic, but this is a huge point of contention between us lately, as we can not even make plans for a marriage until the annulment process is at least begun.

You should not make any wedding plans until a decree of nullity has been received.

There is no guarantee that she will receive a decree of nullity once she does complete the paperwork.

You are putting the cart before the horse, and clearly have become emotionally invovled. What happens if you must break it off with her because the Church rules her marriage is valid?

Has anyone had this situation come up before or does anyone have words of wisdom or support? Thank you so much for your time and help! ~God Bless~

My words of wisdom are that you need to step back and reprioritize and rethink why you’ve gotten involved with a non-Catholic who is not free to marry to the point that you are calling her your “fiance”.

Are you willing to forfeit the Catholic faith for this woman, placing your soul in jeopardy? If she is *unwilling *to complete the nullity process you will need to choose between her and the faith. If she does complete the process and is found to have a *valid *marriage you will be in the same position.

I’m sure you are looking for someone to tell you it will be “all right” but honestly I can’t do that. I see this as a big red flag and urge you to reconsider the path you are walking down.

Please go talk to your priest.

 

[TheDoctor]

She has been married before and has not gotten an annulment yet. Her ex husband was previously married and that marriage was not annuled.

Hello my brother. I am so sorry that this weighs on your soul. Before going on, please please please go and talk to your priest and don’t base your decisions on what folks on the internet advise.

On a practical side, I think you need to move the annulment process forward. If the first husband and wife were baptised, then without an annulment, neither would be free to marry again, so the fiancee and former husband’s marriage may have not been valid from the start and the annulment would be easily granted (I believe it is called a “defect in form”).

On a professional side, she should know that the mental questions are to determine maturity and state of mind, which can be grounds for an annulment.

On a spiritual side, I would respectfully and lovingly echo 1ke’s advice to talk to your priest and really take a look at your future. I am concerned about someone who professes to be “fully supportive and open to your being Roman Catholic”, yet who thinks that following the Church’s rules is “organized religion interference”. What other Church rules will she tag as “interference”? Sorry, but if I support you I support you all the way - not just when it is convenient to me.

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

If she is adamant in her refusal to submit her mental state to the scrutiny of the tribunal (which, I agree, sends up red flags about her willingness to support you in your faith and even simply to pursue the relationship), you might, in consultation with your priest, ask if, essentially, you can cross that bridge when you come to it. After all, her (possibly ex-) husband’s previous marriage might be found valid, in which case her mental state would not be needed in order to declare her own putative marriage to him invalid . . . in which case she wouldn’t have to submit her mental state to scrutiny. If, however, the priest (and diocese) insists that all the forms be filled out before they proceed, you simply need to impress upon her the tremendous significance of this annulment.