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Am I allowed to ask questions about sex in here?

-Christian
 
I will do my best to keep the language down to a minimum. This is a very serious post I am making and want everyone to know I am not trying to joke. I am an 18 year old male who is in college. I was raised Roman Catholic and try to go to Church every sunday as well as say my Rosary. One thing I pride myself on is my virginity that I have struggled to keep over the years. Earlier, I was with a girl, not one that I loved or was even dating. We were having some fun together when I proceeded to have anal sex with her. After a while, I had accidentaly put it in the wrong hole(vagina) and once I noticed I pulled it out. I ran out of the room and outside where I cried for several minutes. I got a ride back to my dorm where I am saying my Rosary and I can not sleep. I don’t know what to do and need some guidance. If someone can also tell me where it says in the Bible that you are not allowed to lose your virginity before marriage. I appreciate any help and apologize if I offend anyone but I did my best.

Sincerley,
Christian
 
For starters anal and oral sex are sex too - after all, you wouldn’t want your wife indulging in either with another man, would you? And would consider it adultery if they did so?

All are comprehended in the term ‘fornication’, and we are not to indulge in ANY of them before marriage.

From the Catechism:

"2353 Fornication is carnal [bodily] union [meaning anal or oral as well as vaginal] between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman. It is gravely contrary to the dignity of persons and of human sexuality which is naturally ordered to the good of spouses and the generation and education of children. Moreover, it is a grave scandal when there is corruption of the young. "

And from St Paul (1 Corinthians 6:9) “Know you not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers …”

You probaby know already what you should do. Firstly keep praying - hard. Make a good act of contrition right now, and resolve to go to confession as soon as you can.

Then apologise to the girl for taking advantage of her in a moment when you and she were both vulnerable to temptation.

Then live up to your promise and go to confession as soon as you can. Keep praying and don’t do it again.
 
I was under the impression that the loss of the virginity only occurs when the vagina is penetrated.

-Christian
 
I’m confused…are you feeling remorse for having committed those acts with that girl, or just at the thought that you may have lost your virginity? I hope you understand that all forms of fornication are grave matter and that that’s what you should be having second thoughts about right now. I’m saying this as a guy who isn’t a whole lot older than you and knows what life is like in college…it’s not exactly the type of environment that promotes chastity.

I think this website might help (this is the FAQ section):
chastity.com/chastity/index.php?id=7

Don’t worry whether or not this time “counted.” Like LilyM said, the best thing you can do it apologise to the girl, make an act of contrition, and go to Confession since God deserves nothing less.

I’ll be praying for you.
 
Colorado said:
I was under the impression that the loss of the virginity only occurs when the vagina is penetrated.

-Christian
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Fornication is fornication is fornication - all of it is mortal sin, the issue of virgnity doesn’t make a blind bit of difference. Unmarried persons are required to preserve chastity in the fullest possible sense of the word, virginity is only part of the picture (and not an especially important part at that).

Would you somehow think it wasn’t sinful if you knew the girl wasn’t a virgin or something? :confused:
 
I am most concered with the fact that I may have lost my virginity. But if what you say is true about any sexual act is considered the loss of virginity then I should have been worried about my loss of virginity a long time ago. The girl was not a virgin, was not my girlfriend, and I did not love her. She also was always pressuring me to have sex with her. Although I realize I was putting myself in a bad position and I take full responsibility for what happened, I feel no remorse for the girl.
Since I was a young man I have always wanted to preserve my virginity until I was married and was always hoping I would marry a virgin who shared the same values as I. If the girl was a virgin I think that I would have felt a lot better about the situation.
Your prayers are always accepted with much gratitude. I can’t sleep and I have a terrible knot in my stomach. I feel absolutey terrible about everything right now. It is not the way I had pictured it.
 
Colorado said:
I am most concered with the fact that I may have lost my virginity.
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Mortal sin is what we should worry about more - that’s us telling an infinite and loving God, our Creator no less, that we don’t need Him. It’s sin that made the conditions where Jesus would have to be crucified as a sacrifice for our failings. Remember - mortal sin kills all grace in the soul and just one is enough to cause us to reject God in eternity.

We should be grateful that God left us the means to have a fresh start though - Confession. If that is capable of restoring our souls to life in Christ, then we shouldn’t be worried about whether or not we meet someone’s definition of what it means to be a virgin - in fact, the term only used to apply to women. Why put so much meaning in it?
 
Take heart from saints such as Augustine, Pelagia and Mary of Egypt who, though by no means virgins in any sense, nonetheless repented of their sins of the flesh and, by living chaste lives thereafter, achieved noteworthy levels of sanctity. So can you.

As has been stated, you are missing the forest for the trees by focusing on your physical virginity, which is long gone in any case, if I understand you correctly. Worry about the state of your soul, not your body.
 
I am concered about mortal sins. However, asking an 18 year old young male adult in college to not do anything but kiss is impossible. I also understood it as masturbation being a sin but every man does that. Some things are just not realistic, at least for myself. It took so much strength for me to even make it to 18 without certain intercourse that only not doing one thing was tough enough.
It is also like the ten commandments, everyone is bound to break some of those but I believed it to be as the lesser of two evils. For example, obey thy mother and father. Everyone is going to break this because that is the way life goes. However, when your parents ask you to do major things, that is what really matters. If my Mom asks me to the dishes and I don’t, that is a minor flaw. If my Mom asks me for a major thing like please come to a family reunion, that is a major request. (If you knew my Mom’s side of the family)
With my situation it was like, well I will break some because it is too difficult to stay completley perfect, but I will try not to break the largest of the sin which was intercourse. I hope that made sense and you all got the gist of it.
I put so much meaning on virginity because that is one thing that is truly pure. Every person is going to kiss and fool around, but not everyone is going to be having sex. Intercourse has the most meaning to it and that is why I wanted to protect it.
 
Colorado said:
I am concered about mortal sins. However, asking an 18 year old young male adult in college to not do anything but kiss is impossible.
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Hey, I know it’s tough, but I made it through one degree alive. I wish I was awake enough to give you a full response, but you have to give yourself more credit…don’t settle for what society tells you “everyone does.” We should run, not walk, in the opposite direction of mortal sin - where we spend eternity is no small matter. You can stop doing these things and you can successfully resist temptation - you just need to start relying more on God’s grace.
 
Colorado said:
I am concered about mortal sins. However, asking an 18 year old young male adult in college to not do anything but kiss is impossible. I also understood it as masturbation being a sin but every man does that. Some things are just not realistic, at least for myself. It took so much strength for me to even make it to 18 without certain intercourse that only not doing one thing was tough enough.
It is also like the ten commandments, everyone is bound to break some of those but I believed it to be as the lesser of two evils. For example, obey thy mother and father. Everyone is going to break this because that is the way life goes. However, when your parents ask you to do major things, that is what really matters. If my Mom asks me to the dishes and I don’t, that is a minor flaw. If my Mom asks me for a major thing like please come to a family reunion, that is a major request. (If you knew my Mom’s side of the family)
With my situation it was like, well I will break some because it is too difficult to stay completley perfect, but I will try not to break the largest of the sin which was intercourse. I hope that made sense and you all got the gist of it.
I put so much meaning on virginity because that is one thing that is truly pure. Every person is going to kiss and fool around, but not everyone is going to be having sex. Intercourse has the most meaning to it and that is why I wanted to protect it.
Click to expand...
Of course not comiting sin is realistic. Not breaking the Commandments is realistic. God wants us to be sinless, God created Adam and Eve sinless. All things are possible with Him (the example of Mary shows us that). And of course you’re going to sin and break the Commandments if you’ve convinced yourself (wrongly) that it’s impossible not to.

Focus on being sinless for the rest of today. Then get up tomorrow and focus on being sinless for that one day. Then do the same the day after that.

In regard to your worries about your virginity - again, that’s long gone, and by the way you HAVE had intercourse.

It staggers me that anyone would think which hole you stick it in matters a whit. Reminds me of Bill Clinton’s legal counsel thinking of arguing that his oral sex with Ms Lewinsky was not sex. Not that my criticism is directed at you, I know you’re far from being the only one.

Back to the point at hand. No point crying over spilt milk - just focus on doing the best you can from now on and avoiding a repetition of your past mistakes. Many of the greatest saints started out being great sinners - St Paul for one.
 
You both have helped me out a lot. Thank you for staying up and talking to me. All my Dad had to say was I hope you didn’t get her pregnant and my brother started cheering and told me I shouldn’t be crying I should be getting high fives. What you both said makes a lot of sense but will be extremley tough for me to change my attitude and lifestyle. I went to confession this past saturday and did my penance but I still have a problem letting things go. I still hold lots of regrets and think of my past every day. Are there any suggestions you have for letting go of certain parts of my past? I don’t know what it is about me but I hold grudges and hold past sins. For example, when I was in high school, I tried drugs, I was never addicted or anything, but every day since then I wake up and hate myself for that. I can’t figure out how to get past these sins even though I do my penance, say my Rosary and go to Church.
 
It’s easy for us to be hard on ourselves - I know I’ve felt that way lots of time before. I find it helpful to meditate on the fact that God is able to forgive me, even though I constantly fail to live up to the standards that He deserves. He’s infinite and perfect, and yet He is fully willing to offer us His mercy…we should humbly follow suit and accept this freely-given gift of forgiveness.

If you find that what you’re doing right now isn’t enough, maybe it’s time to bring out the big guns. Have you tried fasting? Jesus Himself told us that there are some demons which can only be cast out with prayer and fasting. Is there a church near you that offers Eucharistic Adoration? I’m sure you’ll find that spending time in front of our Lord will help you. In any case, I’d say make any effort you can to avoid situations that put you in the occasion of sin. It’s going to be tough, but we’ve always known that there would be crosses to bare.

I like Fr. Serpa’s advice too - you might find it helpful to meditate in front of a crucifix, reflecting on everything He went through for you. Either way, be sure to make an effort to cooperate with the grace that God is giving you, confident in the fact that this grace is more than enough to overcome these temptations.
 
The most important thing you should worry about is getting a girl pregnant…especially a girl you don’t care about at all.

She may or may not be using birth control… you never really know and you can’t take her word for it. Most likely you were not using a condom either since birth control is not allowed in our religion. She most likely thought you would not be able to get her pregnant but accidents do happen.

In the future don’t sexually fool around with a girl because you may get her pregnant even by just doing a surface rubbing
can get a girl pregnant.
Some young people do foolish things sexually thinking the girl will not get pregnant and the girl ends up pregnant.
I used to work in a Medical Clinic years ago so I know what can happen. I am not willing to go into details… so don’t ask because it is too graphic and besides I don’t really know you.

My advise for you is to go to confession and just don’t get envolved sexually with a girl again. You still have your life ahead of you and you should be spending your time in your education so you can grow as a man who can afford to get married some day in the future with a girl you love.
Go in Peace.
 
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