Please help

[beach_bum003]

My best friend, who is like a sister to me, is involved in a verbally abusive relationship. Everyone one around her, who knew her before she started dating this guy, sees how he treats her, and the names he calls her. He also uses drugs, only recreationally apprently, but he’s still a user. Unfortuntately she’s the only one who doesn’t see it. It’s gotten so bad now that he flips out when she does anything with her friends or her family. She goes over to her mothers house once a week on her day off to catch up, and if she’s not home when he gets home he goes off on her. He mocks our religion, calling it a cult.
They recently moved in together (about 5 months ago), and since then it’s only gotten worse. He alienates her from everyone who cares about her, and we barely speak anymore. She’s always defending him and the comments he makes, saying “he’s just kidding around”. She doesn’t see it.
I feel like I’m losing my best friend, and I don’t know what to do. I keep telling her I’m here for you no matter what happens between us, and now she’s talking about marrying this clown, and buying a house with him. Right after they moved in together they got a dog, and it’s like he’s jealous of the dog. He always gets upset that she spends more time with the dog then with him. What’s going to happen when they have children? I’m really worried for her safety.
I’ve been praying everyday for her to see the light and end it before she’s in to deep it’s harder to get out. But I just feel that it’s not enough, it’s to a point where I’m truly worried and depressed about the entire situation. She’s not the same as she once was, and I just wish she could see the light. Does anyone have any thoughts that could help me get through this, and help her see how he treats her? I hate standing around doing nothing but praying for her. I want to do more, I just want to open her eyes to it. If you don’t have any thoughts please keep her in your prayers, and all others who are in abusive relationships that they’ll have the strength to leave.

 

[Norminha]

He’s just a controller.
Unfortunately, these bullies use the controlling tactic out of fear. They see themselves insignificant and try to get strength at the expense of a naive woman, a typical case of an abuser. She justifies his actions because he has made her believe that he “loves her.” But, you and I know that it is not love. Love always looks for the good of the beloved.
She’ll never see it until God starts working in her heart. Believe me, she’ll open her eyes one day; this situation is not eternal. Your job is to keep praying with confidence in God, who is all Love and not to despair, let God be, let He guide her. You keep praying, specially the Holy Rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet for her. If its not much to ask, add some fasting to the prayers.

 

[Ruthie]

My suggestion, in addition to praying, is to drop small comments now and then. When he says something or does something, or when she tells you about it, casually say something like “Well, that was rude,” or “That doesn’t seem very loving,” or “how disrespectful.” Then immediately change the subject, to keep her from defending him.

Make the comments as if they just slipped out, not as if you’re trying to point anything out to her. The object is to bring it to her attention, and to avoid getting into a discussion. And keep them passive; “That was rude,” not “He was rude to you.” The second attacks him, but the first just points out the rudeness. This is more important than you might think.

Back it up by direct complements to her, to provide a contrast. “That was nice of you - kind of you - good of you - loving of you.”

See how many concerned friends and family you can get in on this plot.

Hopefully, she will begin to catch on that she is nice - and he isn’t.

I’ll be praying for her.

Ruthie

 

[beach_bum003]

Thank you for your thoughts, suggestions, and prayers. I will continue to pray for her to open her eyes, and know that God will be God.
Also, I will take your advice Ruthie and casually slip something like that in when I see it. I know that’s what her mother is currently doing, only commenting when she sees him treat her badly.
It’s just hard for me because I’m so protective of my family, and she’s like family that I don’t want to see her get hurt. I know that I just have to have faith that God will be God and lead her away from the hate and the hurt with the help of my prayers. I know it’ll work out in the end, I just have to pray for patience on my end as well.
I do take great comfort in knowing that her entire family sees how he treats her, as well as other friends. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who sees it.
Again thank you for your prayers.