L
Layp3rs0n
Guest
I’m sorry to once again, ask for prayers, but friends I need you. I have been in emotional agony for over a year now. I have suffered job losses, loss of very close friends, financial ruin, the loss of my car, been sued by an apartment for not being able to make rent, charged with crimes from my teen years (I got probation, Thank God, but now I have a record and can’t find meaningful employment especially in this economy.), I lost my beloved ex-fiance, whom I still care for very deeply, (She now hates me. Of all my losses over the last year, this one hurts the most! The loneliness is killing me and crushing my heart day and night.), and in the process lost many of our mutual friends whom I considered family. I have little income, have depression and can’t afford a psychiotrist. I don’t qualify for public assistance. I’m behind on my taxes. I now suffer nightmares about me or my loved ones being killed. I have trouble keeping my thoughts chaste and keep falling into mortal sin over and over, so I feel I can seldom make the Lord happy. I attend Mass and say my rosary, I pray throughout the day. But again the loneliness and feelings of destitution are so severe I keep falling over and over and over. I find little comfort In the Lord’s company at adoration, and I desire to love Him. I’m also scrupulous.
I have a few friends from Church, but they have they’re own family’s to take care of. The few secular friends I have rarely call if ever. (Though, I am supposed to see a few next weekend. And admitedly I’ve recently reconected with some old friends too.) But still the majority of my days and nights are filled with constant suffering, and constantly falling out of Grace means I can’t even offer up my suffering. I deeply desire to have someone tell me they love me. I want to be held again. I want to feel as if I am desireable to people, especially a loving Christian woman. But going back to the crimes of my teen years, well…while I’ve repented of them completely, they’re the types of crimes that make others shun you. I feel constant despair of finding love and friendship because of this as well. Please do not worry, my brothers and sisters, I have no intent to harm myself. But I beg you all to pray for me.
I have a few friends from Church, but they have they’re own family’s to take care of. The few secular friends I have rarely call if ever. (Though, I am supposed to see a few next weekend. And admitedly I’ve recently reconected with some old friends too.) But still the majority of my days and nights are filled with constant suffering, and constantly falling out of Grace means I can’t even offer up my suffering. I deeply desire to have someone tell me they love me. I want to be held again. I want to feel as if I am desireable to people, especially a loving Christian woman. But going back to the crimes of my teen years, well…while I’ve repented of them completely, they’re the types of crimes that make others shun you. I feel constant despair of finding love and friendship because of this as well. Please do not worry, my brothers and sisters, I have no intent to harm myself. But I beg you all to pray for me.