Please help

[SallyS]

I am confused on a subject and was hoping some of you could help me. I have confessed my sins to Jesus and felt better about myself for awhile but then through friends and different reading I heard that Jesus will not forgive me if I haven’t apologized or confessed to family and friends that I have sinned against. With that said I feel lost. There are some things from the past that I think are best left in the past. I feel more harm then good will come from bringing them up. I wouldn’t want to break anybodys heart or tear up a family. Whats over is over and Jesus knows my heart. Would you say that repentance doesn’t always have to include a confession to a friend and an apology. Could just as much good come from never behaving in that way again and being the best wife, Sister, Mother you can be now that you have commited yourself to being a better person? Sorry this is so lengthy.

 

[cfdmpo]

When you confess your sins to the priest, he is representing Christ and the community. You do not need to confess your sins to no one else, unless the priest tells you to as part of the penance.

 

[Ron_Conte]

If you are repentant (contrite) and you have confessed your sins to a priest in the Sacrament of Reconciliation (confession), then you are forgiven.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

As I understand it, the Seal of Confession specifies that nothing may be required of you that would disclose your sin to others. While it is required that you make your best effort to repair any harm your sin caused to others, you are never required to do anything which would disclose your sin. It sounds like this agrees with what you are planning to do.

On the other hand specific cases always have details which we don’t want to get into here. It would probably be best to discuss this with your confessor.

 

[baltobetsy]

Are you Catholic, Sally?

 

[twb1621]

I am confused on a subject and was hoping some of you could help me. I have confessed my sins to Jesus and felt better about myself for awhile but then through friends and different reading I heard that Jesus will not forgive me if I haven’t apologized or confessed to family and friends that I have sinned against. With that said I feel lost. There are some things from the past that I think are best left in the past. I feel more harm then good will come from bringing them up. I wouldn’t want to break anybodys heart or tear up a family. Whats over is over and Jesus knows my heart. Would you say that repentance doesn’t always have to include a confession to a friend and an apology. Could just as much good come from never behaving in that way again and being the best wife, Sister, Mother you can be now that you have commited yourself to being a better person? Sorry this is so lengthy.

From the CCC
**1459 **Many sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered, pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much. But sin also injures and weakens the sinner himself, as well as his relationships with God and neighbor. Absolution takes away sin, but it does not remedy all the disorders sin has caused.62 Raised up from sin, the sinner must still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must “make satisfaction for” or “expiate” his sins. This satisfaction is also called “penance.”

**1460 The penance the confessor imposes must take into account the penitent’s personal situation and must seek his spiritual good. It must correspond as far as possible with the gravity and nature of the sins committed. It can consist of prayer, an offering, works of mercy, service of neighbor, voluntary self-denial, sacrifices, and above all the patient acceptance of the cross we must bear. Such penances help configure us to Christ, who alone expiated our sins once for all. They allow us to become co-heirs with the risen Christ, “provided we suffer with him.”

The priest assigns the penance a person must perform which is usually in prayer and perhaps sacrafice of some form. In cases such as theft for example, the priest may require the return of stolen property when possible for instance, but I am not aware of any priest requiring a person to go to others in reconciliation where such actions would cause greater hardship than resolution. A person is called to do “what is possible in order to repair the harm”, not renew or add to the harm. In most cases, this is the purpose for penance of prayer and possibly self sacrafices itself.

Most importantly It is the contriteness of heart in asking for forgiveness and the resolution to avoid repeating such sin.

Further information available at;
vatican.va/archive/catechism/p2s2c2a4.htm#VII

 

[shaun23]

Making amends for past sins is not only important, but necessary for future growth in one’s spiritual life. Our sins hurt those around us either directly or indirectly. The devil would have us believe that our sins do not affect anyone else.

Amendment does not have to be something that other people see. Maybe say some private daily prayers for them, or do something for them that they will not find out was you. It’s important to do something though, otherwise you will never forgive yourself.

 

[twb1621]

Making amends for past sins is not only important, but necessary for future growth in one’s spiritual life. Our sins hurt those around us either directly or indirectly. The devil would have us believe that our sins do not affect anyone else.

Amendment does not have to be something that other people see. Maybe say some private daily prayers for them, or do something for them that they will not find out was you. It’s important to do something though, otherwise you will never forgive yourself.

Yes… as we are taught in scripture, go into your inner room privately and pray that others do not know what you are doing, or let the left hand not know what the right hand is doing… these refer to performing our Christian prayers and charities and practicing humility without others knowing and without recognition for what goods we do. Unless we are told to reconcile otherwise, this we can do for each of those we may have sin against.

 

[srlucado]

I am confused on a subject and was hoping some of you could help me. I have confessed my sins to Jesus and felt better about myself for awhile but then through friends and different reading I heard that Jesus will not forgive me if I haven’t apologized or confessed to family and friends that I have sinned against. With that said I feel lost. There are some things from the past that I think are best left in the past. I feel more harm then good will come from bringing them up. I wouldn’t want to break anybodys heart or tear up a family. Whats over is over and Jesus knows my heart. Would you say that repentance doesn’t always have to include a confession to a friend and an apology. Could just as much good come from never behaving in that way again and being the best wife, Sister, Mother you can be now that you have commited yourself to being a better person? Sorry this is so lengthy.

No need to reopen old wounds. I think that most of us (especially over the age of 40) have people in the past whom we have wronged and feel badly about it, but some of those people may be deceased; others lost to antiquity. It would do far more harm than good to revisit those people & events.

If the priest has forgiven you, you’re forgiven.

 

[SallyS]

Thank you all for your advice. It was very helpfull. After consindering my post more I figured out what is really bothering me about my situation. One of the sins I confessed was lieing. I am told I am forgiven but unless I tell the truth to those I have lied to doesn’t that make me a liar? Letting somebody beleive something untrue. (This was years ago and I lied to cover up an indescretion of mine that I knew would hurt people deeply) I never repeated that same mistake and have turned from it 100%. Now that I have found my way back to the church I feel very guilty about this sin. I don’t want to be a liar. I also don’t want to tear my marriage and family up bringing up the past. I feel like I won’t be forgiven unless I fess up to everything. Maybe I need a lesson in God’s grace. I don’t know…thank you for any more advice anyone might have. It helps more then you would ever believe.

 

[InLight247]

… I don’t want to be a liar. I also don’t want to tear my marriage and family up bringing up the past.

Sally, I think it is best to let the past pass. You know your sins have been forgiven, it is not wise to stir the cold rice. Not telling is not lying, especially when telling will not help but hurt. God does not remember our sins once we confessed them. So have peace and forget about the past.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

You are not lying, Sally, and you have been truly and completely forgiven of your sins. You are not required to tell anyone about this for the Confession to be valid.

 

[Monica4316]

I am confused on a subject and was hoping some of you could help me. I have confessed my sins to Jesus and felt better about myself for awhile but then through friends and different reading I heard that Jesus will not forgive me if I haven’t apologized or confessed to family and friends that I have sinned against. With that said I feel lost. There are some things from the past that I think are best left in the past. I feel more harm then good will come from bringing them up. I wouldn’t want to break anybodys heart or tear up a family. Whats over is over and Jesus knows my heart. Would you say that repentance doesn’t always have to include a confession to a friend and an apology. Could just as much good come from never behaving in that way again and being the best wife, Sister, Mother you can be now that you have commited yourself to being a better person? Sorry this is so lengthy.

all sins are forgiven at Confession if you repent of them and only Jesus and the priest ever have to know what they are :hug1:

 

[Monica4316]

When you confess your sins to the priest, he is representing Christ and the community. You do not need to confess your sins to no one else, unless the priest tells you to as part of the penance.

Thank you all for your advice. It was very helpfull. After consindering my post more I figured out what is really bothering me about my situation. One of the sins I confessed was lieing. I am told I am forgiven but unless I tell the truth to those I have lied to doesn’t that make me a liar? Letting somebody beleive something untrue. (This was years ago and I lied to cover up an indescretion of mine that I knew would hurt people deeply) I never repeated that same mistake and have turned from it 100%. Now that I have found my way back to the church I feel very guilty about this sin. I don’t want to be a liar. I also don’t want to tear my marriage and family up bringing up the past. I feel like I won’t be forgiven unless I fess up to everything. Maybe I need a lesson in God’s grace. I don’t know…thank you for any more advice anyone might have. It helps more then you would ever believe.

If you really strongly feel that it is God’s will for you to let these people know the truth, than you should; but I wouldn’t say this affects the Sacrament. We should try to make amends for sin, but it doesn’t have to be telling the truth when it would deeply hurt someone. It could be praying for them. But in Confession, all sin is removed from us and it’s forgiven and forgotten

maybe you could ask your priest about this at your next Confession, just in case? I’m pretty sure the Catholic teaching is that once you walk out of the Confessional, your soul is completely pure - provided you didn’t deliberately hide something from the priest. But in case I have misunderstood or missed something, - I wouldn’t want to give you the wrong information cause forgiveness is so important for our souls. So if this bothers you, it might be good to ask a priest, and just go with what he tells you.

God bless!

 

[twb1621]

Thank you all for your advice. It was very helpfull. After consindering my post more I figured out what is really bothering me about my situation. One of the sins I confessed was lieing. I am told I am forgiven but unless I tell the truth to those I have lied to doesn’t that make me a liar? Letting somebody beleive something untrue. (This was years ago and I lied to cover up an indescretion of mine that I knew would hurt people deeply) I never repeated that same mistake and have turned from it 100%. Now that I have found my way back to the church I feel very guilty about this sin. I don’t want to be a liar. I also don’t want to tear my marriage and family up bringing up the past. I feel like I won’t be forgiven unless I fess up to everything. Maybe I need a lesson in God’s grace. I don’t know…thank you for any more advice anyone might have. It helps more then you would ever believe.

We must always distiguish the difference between taking some action for the purpose of rectifying a wrong or taking that action without realizing it, it may only be an attempt to relieve ourself of guilty feelings. If confronting others involved about what one lied about is not going to change anything for the better but instead may even cause more harm, there is no good purpose in telling them. It can be a very long time to accept the forgiveness our Lord offers us, the guilt being the scar of the sin left behind as Father John Corapi and others describe it. But the amends to those people in such cases are better served in self sacrifice either directly for them or for others with them in mind. A very wise and holy man once told me when you have that difficulty accepting you are forgiven after a sincere repentance and correction of your life, remember to repeat to yourself; “my Jesus, Mercy” for He is the Divine Mercy, and knows the sincerity in your heart. Then the realization of His forgiveness will come in time. These things you should discuss with a priest and obtain his opinion so you may have confidence in your decision.

 

[MtnDwellar]

Are you Catholic, Sally?

This is an important question which seemed to have been overlooked by Sally. The replies mostly assume that Sally went to confession. She may not have.

If we confess our sins to God and ask for forgiveness, through His love and mercy we will receive forgiveness. As Catholics, we know that we must atone for our sins. The penance given is a symbol of the atonement. The Catholic church does not teach - “Jesus will not forgive me if I haven’t apologized or confessed to family and friends that I have sinned against.” The ways that we make atonement do include confessing our sins to others, especially in the case where others will be hurt.

 

[Debra_C]

making amends for our sins as best we can is important. For instance, if you stole or damaged someone else’s property, you should try to replace it. However, sometimes telling someone what you did does more harm than good. So whether making amends involves going to each person offended or hurt and telling them what you did and apologizing is something you must take on a case by case basis.

If the offense is something already known to the person and you never apologized, it is probably a good thing to do so… if the other person doesn’t even know about the offense and the knowledge of it would likely be hurtful to them, it may be best to let it go.If you are in doubt, talk with your priest/confessor about the specifics of the situation.

In the meantime, if you have confessed and have true contrition for your sins, the Lord does indeed forgive.