Please help

[Jesusismyking]

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

I have had long term problems, I have tried to help them but cannot manage. I don’t know what is missing from me.I’m a 37 year-old woman.
One of them is my family matters. My father left me when I was 5 years old and I believe I cannot believe and really trust anybody since then, also I had some troubles with men who cheated me before. I always suspect and search for something to prove that I am cheated in any way.
The second one is my latest relationship. It is over after 5 years, we didn’t even get to an engagement, but I cannot let go of it. We behave as friends but I guess I cannot manage with friendship and I always search to hurt him in some way as if to pay back the insecurity and pains I have felt when he didn’t want to commit himself with me. I don’t believe it’s only my fault, I believe I was jealous and claimed things, but I think even if I wasn’t, he wouldn’t have proceeded with our relationship. I feel worthless and I feel hopeless in settling down because of my age and my trust issues.
Third things is my work. I feel like staying at home all the time, I don’t feel like going out at all, even to work, and meet any people, and I feel difficulty in doing everyday household chores too. I don’t think I’m depressed as I enjoy watching films, caring about my pets, reading faith material, but anything I have to do, that causes difficulty. Before it wasn’t this way. It occurred gradually and in my work as a secondary school teacher I feel completely burnt out. I cannot do anything else as my family members depend also on my salary, so cannot risk changing jobs by now.
Now on holiday and I’m afraid to go back to work, I am thinking of going on sick leave even though I’m not sick and generally I am hardworking.
I feel guilty everywhere, in my family matters, that I don’t care enough, in my past relationship that it was my fault, in my work that I don’t do it 100 %. I feel like just relaxing and not thinking of anything and it terrifies me a bit.

Thank you in advance for taking time in helping me and God bless you.

 

[pianistclare]

Welcome to the forums.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. At some point you have to begin to trust God.
Not man, God. None of us can control the actions of others, really. You say you’ve struggled since 5 years old? Who was it that kept re-iterating that you should hate your father, thus all men?
No matter. The point is, that all of us, no matter our history have to take people at face value. If they display good and loyal behavior, that they care for us, and that they are genuine, it’s a cruelty to them to assume they are going to hurt you. How would you feel if everyone around you believed that you were no good? It would hurt very much.
At some point to you have to believe in yourself as well. God wants you to thrive. He loves you like crazy. Embrace this. Believe it, and do the work that He has in mind for you, and for all of us.
Be the hands and feet of Christ. Exhibit joy through the sorrow. Think of others first. Make your life a prayer of thanksgiving.
It starts small, but it can be done.
Reconciliation begins in one’s own heart.
I will pray for you.

 

[Jesusismyking]

Be the hands and feet of Christ. Exhibit joy through the sorrow. Think of others first. Make your life a prayer of thanksgiving.

If I could be the hands and feet of Christ, and if I could feel joy instead of sorrow, or if I did easily everything you just said, then I would have needed anyone’s advice and I wouldn’t have come to this forum, I guess.
It’s very easy to say such wise things from somobody who is probably not hurting. If you were, you knew that words like this and putting more guilt on me, in my situation is useless.

Anyway thank you and for all if you pray for me. Yes, I have thougth of others first a million times, now I will think of me and get help from somewhere.

God bless.

 

[pianistclare]

Be the hands and feet of Christ. Exhibit joy through the sorrow. Think of others first. Make your life a prayer of thanksgiving.

If I could be the hands and feet of Christ, and if I could feel joy instead of sorrow, or if I did easily everything you just said, then I would have needed anyone’s advice and I wouldn’t have come to this forum, I guess.
It’s very easy to say such wise things from somobody who is probably not hurting. If you were, you knew that words like this and putting more guilt on me, in my situation is useless.

Anyway thank you and for all if you pray for me. Yes, I have thougth of others first a million times, now I will think of me and get help from somewhere.

God bless.

Well, none of us can give you a magic wand to change things. Only you can change the feelings in your own heart. Don’t assume that people don’t understand.
My late husband took his own life. At home. After threatening to kill us all.
I get it.
I’m not going to tell anyone to “just give up, it’s no use”. That would be heartless, and when you reach out to strangers on the internet, I believe that most everyone means to wish you well. I know I do.
If you feel that you are struggling with depression, see your priest and a medical professional.
The fact that the things you do for others don’t give you spiritual satisfaction and peace says to me that you’re doing it without love. You’re doing it because you feel that is what is expected of you. The saints tell us to do small things with great love.
If you don’t care for my answers, talk to God. He’s the only one that come into your heart and heal you.
How hard is it? It’s as easy as a smile to a stranger. I will continue to pray for you.

 

[book_and_bead]

Hello Jesusismyking,

I have a lot in common with you regarding trust issues from bad family situations, age and relationship status (I’m 54 and single), work, etc. If we couldn’t trust the people closest to us whose duty it was to nurture us, how can we trust God? I don’t have any quick answers, but I can tell you how I’m dealing with it.

I came back to the church and became Catholic after 34 years of being away because being raised in a dual faith family, there was a lot of animosity and tug of war over who had the “true faith.” Fast forward, I’m now happily Catholic.

I’m finding that learning to trust in God is a slow process for those of us who never really experienced unconditional love or trust. I’m building a devotion to St. Therese of Lisieux and St. Faustina. I’m learning to trust in small things completely without worrying about the outcome. For example, I was asked by our parish priest to carry the baby Jesus up the aisle and place Him in the manger at Christmas Mass. I was so scared. I have a hard time walking due to arthritic knees; some days I need a walker. I was afraid of stumbling or doing the wrong thing. It was hard, but I put my fears aside and prayed that God would get me through it.

Christmas morning was a good knee day! I was able to walk up the aisle. When I went to place the baby Jesus in the manger accompanied by two priests, there was an audible “clink” when I accidentally brushed the small figurine against the angel hung over the manger. I was mortified but kept on going.

After Mass I had three “Aha!” moments. One was that my fears were unfounded and I can trust in God to get me through. Second was that beating myself up over that little faux pas was silly because I’m human and will make mistakes, and that’s what forgiveness is all about. Sometimes it’s harder for us to forgive ourselves than others.

The last thing was that gratitude, even for the smallest things, keeps me focused on what’s right in my life instead of where I’m lacking.

I hope this helps, and I will keep you in my prayers as you continue on your journey.

 

[Catholic1954]

Please make an appointment with a doctor and check out the possibility that you are suffering from depression or something like it. Cutting your self off from the world and blaming yourself for failed relationships is not healthy. You can get your life back.

 

[tawny]

Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need. Praying for your intentions.

 

[Sunbreak]

You say you’re not depressed but the things you describe point toward depression. Perhaps it would be helpful to see a counselor for that and the trust issues.
Don’t assume that you can’t do anything else but teach school. You have skills you can use in other fields of works - companies will hire teachers to do training. If you met with an employment counselor the person could show you other possibilities.

 

[ClearWater]

You say you’re not depressed but the things you describe point toward depression.** Perhaps it would be helpful to see a counselor for that and the trust issues. **
Don’t assume that you can’t do anything else but teach school. You have skills you can use in other fields of works - companies will hire teachers to do training. If you met with an employment counselor the person could show you other possibilities.

Yes, I was going to say the same thing.

 

[Jesusismyking]

Thank you all, for your advice and prayers, it means a lot to me. It feels being cared for. I will pray for all of you too.
I suspect OCD too, actually I have had it for a long time, I think, and I need to confirm with a psychiatrist and get it treated if necessary, the things that trouble me might be unrealistic too.

God bless all of you and thank you again.

 

[Jesusismyking]

It took a lot of time to answer, as I didn’t know what you were saying can be true or not. I felt hurt that I don’t do the things with love, in your opinion, or just didn’t think of it myself. I do with love only for some people, for others, I really do it only because it is expected of me. I don’t feel joy giving to others, because so many times I have experienced that I have given much, and when I needed, there was nobody there.
I have helped many times, and I was left alone by best friend when my father died. She didn’t talk to me for months. I cannot forget it even if I forgave.
I have been always disappointed with men, without exception,that is why I assume bad and not good, because I couldn’t see the opposite good example at all so far.
I am still not able to change any feeling in my heart, even if I try hard daily. When I’m lonely and everybody I was there to when they needed, leaves me alone in loneliness, I cannot feel love for them.
I know that you and everybody wants to help, but it has been going for long that I’m stuck, searching in many means the way out and there is none because I don’t have faith and strength.
I cannot see a priest as I cannot talk, I am not able to express in talking. I cannot see a medical professional as thewy will just give me pills, as they did before a few times, and don’t care anyway. I won’t take pills because they kill.
I don’t feel like smiling to anybody, I feel like staying in my room forever with my animals, nothing more, as I’m sick to meet people every day. I guess it cannot be understood but it is the truth and there is no real help anywhere as I don’t even know what is the problem.
Thank you anyway and please go on praying for me, so I can be strong and decide what to do. God bless you all.

Well, none of us can give you a magic wand to change things. Only you can change the feelings in your own heart. Don’t assume that people don’t understand.
My late husband took his own life. At home. After threatening to kill us all.
I get it.
I’m not going to tell anyone to “just give up, it’s no use”. That would be heartless, and when you reach out to strangers on the internet, I believe that most everyone means to wish you well. I know I do.
If you feel that you are struggling with depression, see your priest and a medical professional.
The fact that the things you do for others don’t give you spiritual satisfaction and peace says to me that you’re doing it without love. You’re doing it because you feel that is what is expected of you. The saints tell us to do small things with great love.
If you don’t care for my answers, talk to God. He’s the only one that come into your heart and heal you.
How hard is it? It’s as easy as a smile to a stranger. I will continue to pray for you.

 

[Jesusismyking]

I want to say something else, maybe somebody reads all this. I cannot trust anybody. You can tell me that I should trust and believe and love, but I’m not able to do these things.
I’m afraid of getting to know someone, to try to get married as I don’t believe anymore that I will not be cheated. I don’t believe that I will be told the truth, that I can meet an honest man.
I’m afraid of the thought of marriage, like the plague, and the thought of having a child or children, and meanwhile I feel much guilt, that my mother, my own conscience, society and God expects this from me.
I wish I could just trust, find somebody, get married, have children as others, and live without this guilt, and make everybody happy. I really wish that but I can’t.

 

[heidi_storage]

I want to say something else, maybe somebody reads all this. I cannot trust anybody. You can tell me that I should trust and believe and love, but I’m not able to do these things.
I’m afraid of getting to know someone, to try to get married as I don’t believe anymore that I will not be cheated. I don’t believe that I will be told the truth, that I can meet an honest man.
I’m afraid of the thought of marriage, like the plague, and the thought of having a child or children, and meanwhile I feel much guilt, that my mother, my own conscience, society and God expects this from me.
I wish I could just trust, find somebody, get married, have children as others, and live without this guilt, and make everybody happy. I really wish that but I can’t.

I’m sorry. I hope you’re able to work this out with a good counselor and regain the ability to trust. But if you can’t trust, don’t enter a relationship; it will be poisoned from the start. There is nothing wrong with remaining single.

You do sound depressed, and it’s interfering with your life. I urge you to seek good counsel. Perhaps your pastor can recommend someone.

 

[Jesusismyking]

Thank you for your answer, for your understanding and for caring about me. Thank you for saying there is nothing wrong with being single, it gives me some relief.
I will try to seek somebody, hopefully they can help without taking medicine.
God bless you and please pray for me.

I’m sorry. I hope you’re able to work this out with a good counselor and regain the ability to trust. But if you can’t trust, don’t enter a relationship; it will be poisoned from the start. There is nothing wrong with remaining single.

You do sound depressed, and it’s interfering with your life. I urge you to seek good counsel. Perhaps your pastor can recommend someone.

 

[Lookingforjoy]

There’s a lot of Catholic pressure to marry and start producing kids, but not everyone’s vocation is marriage! Maybe you weren’t meant to do it if it really bothers you that much. Marriage is a vocation but it’s also supposed to bring happiness…if it won’t make you happy, why do it?

That being said, could you get counseling? The disinterest in life sounds worrying. You deserve to feel better than that.