please i need help

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synlly

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I have been married for eight months now.We have been searching for the fruit of the womb since we got married but to no avail.We just discovered my husband has low sperm count.I don’t know how to handle it.Sometimes im angry at him saying it was his fault all this while i was not able to concieve.Please howdo i handle this matter as a christian wife.I really need this bby and the idea of not getting it is killing me.Please help me.
 
I’m sorry you are going through a difficult time, and it seems like you are grieving, that is completely understandable - I am praying for you. Same for your husband - it seems like he is blaming himself. Lean on each other and communicate openly about how you feel about the situation. Don’t keep your anger inside and let it eat at you, that is not healthy. Also, talk to trusted friends or your pastor. When you said: “I really need this baby and the idea of not getting it is killing me” all I can say is that sometimes - as heartbreaking as it is - we don’t always get the things we most hope for and desire for in this life. Sometimes God answers our prayers differently than we could ever imagine. Have you and your husband considered adoption? God bless.
 
Over and above any medical considerations, it sounds to me as if you both need Counseling.
I can understand your disappointment at not conceiving, but it is not your husbands fault. If you nag him about this, it lessens his wanting to make love to you and further complicates the problem. You cannot attract flies with vinegar.
I know you don’t want to hear this, but, I strongly suggest that you consult your Pastor and get a referral to a Catholic Marriage Counselor. Then both of you should see him/her. Your marriage’s survival depends on it.
 
Eight months is not a long time. You haven’t said how low his sperm count is. If it’s just a little low, I wouldn’t panic, and just keep trying.

In this forum, natural family planning (NFP) usually means avoiding pregnancy, but you can use the same principles to improve your odds of conception, in other words, timing intercourse around your most fertile times. If you are not already doing that, it’s certainly something to consider.

There’s no point in “blaming” your husband. It wasn’t his choice. Try not to feel superior, because conception depends on other factors.

Love one another.
 
As a single person I cannot understand, but a Jewish friend of mine had the same problem and went to a Doctor while out in Israel, now take this for what its worth, but its so simple its worth trying. The Israeli Doctor suggested to the wife, that she was not under any circumstances to have a hot shower, or bath while on holidays, water just tepid, now this was the trick according to her what the Doctor suggested, I am trying to put this as delicate as I can the husband every night was to splash cold water on his “under carriage” about six or seven times at least but if possible ten times, at night the wife was not to have any shower or bath , the tepid water was only for the morning, also same for the husband, well all I can say they came back from Israel with Good news from the English Doctor, that she was pregnant.

As I say, its worth a try.

Good luck.

Don’t forget to keep praying to Our Lady and St. Elizabeth.
 
Michael_Allen said:
If nothing happens in the next few months you might want to talk to your doctor about Intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI). It is assisted fertility especially for when a man has low sperm count. It is a variation on IVF, so whether you feel it is appropriate will depend on your view of IVF.

More details here: babycenter.com/0_fertility-treatment-intracytoplasmic-sperm-injection-icsi_4097.bc

God bless +
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Please do not come here and suggest that someone commit a grave sin. Especially someone who is clearly distraught such as the OP.

It is not a matter of how someone “feels” about IVF. IVF is gravely immoral.
 
synlly said:
I have been married for eight months now.We have been searching for the fruit of the womb since we got married but to no avail.We just discovered my husband has low sperm count.I don’t know how to handle it.Sometimes im angry at him saying it was his fault all this while i was not able to concieve.Please howdo i handle this matter as a christian wife.I really need this bby and the idea of not getting it is killing me.Please help me.
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Please get some counseling from your pastor.

I know you are upset and disappointed, but you do not “need” a baby, and we do not “get” a baby like a consumer product. We have no right to children. If you are not able to have children, perhaps you can consider adoption.
 
synlly said:
Please howdo i handle this matter as a christian wife.I really need this bby and the idea of not getting it is killing me.Please help me.
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Be kind and strong!

Do talk to a priest for spiritual direction, and you may also try to find a local parish apostolate dedicated to help couples facing similar issues.

Remember that we all carry crosses, some of us having a greater share in the sufferings of Christ. Focus on Christ, not on the storm.
 
1ke said:
Please do not come here and suggest that someone commit a grave sin. Especially someone who is clearly distraught such as the OP.

It is not a matter of how someone “feels” about IVF. IVF is gravely immoral.
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It is possible that he was unaware of this: while IVF is gravely immoral, ICSI can give a better impression (though it is still IVF) and lead someone in good faith to believe it is acceptable. It is not. It is condemned officially as gravely immoral in “Dignitas Personae : On Certain Bioethical Questions” issued by the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Church.

This can be very hard, but we must keep our eyes on God, always.
 
1ke said:
Please get some counseling from your pastor.

I know you are upset and disappointed, but you do not “need” a baby, and we do not “get” a baby like a consumer product. We have no right to children. If you are not able to have children, perhaps you can consider adoption.
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Exactly as 1ke said.

My parents could not conceive, either. However, that did not stop them from having children. They have four children that love them very much, and couldn’t love them any more than if they were flesh and blood.

However, I also agree with others to seek counseling, from a Priest or another Catholic leader. What is it in you that you desire to complete with a child with such neediness? We do see this in young women/girls who have children at an early age, who desired to get pregnant to have someone to love or to love them.

God bless and keep you and your husband,
 
There are so many wonderful children hoping, waiting and perhaps praying for a loving family to adopt them and take them as their own.
 
There is a lot of caring information in this thread. I will offer a prayer up for you and your husband.

Just try to remember that God will provide what is needed most in your life. Everything He does is to bring us closer to him.

Joshua C.
 
As someone who has faced infertility for the past four years, my heart goes out to you. I feel the same heartbreak that you feel. But I agree with another poster that we are not entitled to have a baby. I do struggle with feelings that it’s just “not fair.” I have privately wept at hearing news of family members having babies, especially if it’s their second or third child.

While it’s completely normal to be angry at this situation, I do recommend that you stop blaming your husband. I’m sure he feels bad enough. You must use this Cross to cleave to each other even more, not to distance yourselves. The only way I have been able to emotionally survive this has been by leaning on my husband and allowing him to lean on me. You can only get through this together.
 
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