Please, I Need Your Help

[Travelfar]

Hello,

I have just joined this forum because I have something deep that I want to talk about and am desperately seeking advice or any wisdom.

My entire life has been a complete lie. I am disgusted with myself. Ever since I was 12 years old, I knew that I was gay. I have tried dating girls, I went out with a girl once when I was 18 for 7 months and every time we had any sort of sexual interaction - there was no chemistry there for me. I truly cared for her, but there was no sexual attraction. I ended up ending the relationship by telling her that, “I was going to College soon” and that it was not going to work out. The real reason why I broke up though is because I knew that I was gay and could not go on living in a false relationship to TRY and make myself, my family, and my friends think that I was normal.

Now here I am, 22 years old and a recent college grad. I have not had any type of relationship with a women since my girlfriend when I was 18. Last week, I met this guy online and we ended up meeting at his place and had an amazing time. I never felt so comfortable with myself in my entire life. It was passionate, and felt right.

Now, I feel so torn up inside because I offended God. I do not want to be gay. I cry a lot. I want so bad to just be normal. I want to find a girl, get married, have a wonderful family and lead a happy life - but I know deep down that I can’t. Absolutely nobody knows that I am gay. I am from an extremely strict Catholic Christian household and am terrified to tell my parents or any of my friends. I love God so much with all of my heart and I want so much to be helped and to be with God someday in Heaven. I love God and do not want to hurt him God Bless you all and thank you for reading.

 

[Desertsailor]

Hello,

I have just joined this forum because I have something deep that I want to talk about and am desperately seeking advice or any wisdom.

My entire life has been a complete lie. I am disgusted with myself. Ever since I was 12 years old, I knew that I was gay. I have tried dating girls, I went out with a girl once when I was 18 for 7 months and every time we had any sort of sexual interaction - there was no chemistry there for me. I truly cared for her, but there was no sexual attraction. I ended up ending the relationship by telling her that, “I was going to College soon” and that it was not going to work out. The real reason why I broke up though is because I knew that I was gay and could not go on living in a false relationship to TRY and make myself, my family, and my friends think that I was normal.

Now here I am, 22 years old and a recent college grad. I have not had any type of relationship with a women since my girlfriend when I was 18. Last week, I met this guy online and we ended up meeting at his place and had an amazing time. I never felt so comfortable with myself in my entire life. It was passionate, and felt right.

Now, I feel so torn up inside because I offended God. I do not want to be gay. I cry a lot. I want so bad to just be normal. I want to find a girl, get married, have a wonderful family and lead a happy life - but I know deep down that I can’t. Absolutely nobody knows that I am gay. I am from an extremely strict Catholic Christian household and am terrified to tell my parents or any of my friends. I love God so much with all of my heart and I want so much to be helped and to be with God someday in Heaven. I love God and do not want to hurt him God Bless you all and thank you for reading.

If you really love God you’ll be celibate.

 

[NHInsider]

God loves you - Jew or Gentile, gay or straight, maimed or whole. Being gay is not more sinful than being arrogant! Each of us bears a different burden, and some are heavier than others. Yours is particularly difficult. If you are serious about not being drawn into sin, you must avoid the occasions that might entrap you.

Ask Him for grace and strength. Offer your suffering for the salvation of the world. Seek ways to serve, and thank Him for His grace.

Perhaps you will be “cured” and find a loving relationship with the “wonderful family” and
'lead a happy life." More likely you will not, and will soldier on, faithfully serving the Lord who gave up Heaven to dwell among us and make it possible for us to be united with Him.

Contrary to the “knowledge” of the modern, western world, it is not necessary to have an active sex life to be a fulfilled, involved, connected person. Many people, gay and straight, have lived fulfilling lives without sexual intimacy.

 

[FCEGM]

Welcome to CAF, Travelfar. Perhaps this wonderful organization will be helpful to you:

couragerc.net/

God bless you!

 

[VetA]

Hello,

I have just joined this forum because I have something deep that I want to talk about and am desperately seeking advice or any wisdom.

My entire life has been a complete lie. I am disgusted with myself. Ever since I was 12 years old, I knew that I was gay. I have tried dating girls, I went out with a girl once when I was 18 for 7 months and every time we had any sort of sexual interaction - there was no chemistry there for me. I truly cared for her, but there was no sexual attraction. I ended up ending the relationship by telling her that, “I was going to College soon” and that it was not going to work out. The real reason why I broke up though is because I knew that I was gay and could not go on living in a false relationship to TRY and make myself, my family, and my friends think that I was normal.

Now here I am, 22 years old and a recent college grad. I have not had any type of relationship with a women since my girlfriend when I was 18. Last week, I met this guy online and we ended up meeting at his place and had an amazing time. I never felt so comfortable with myself in my entire life. It was passionate, and felt right.

Now, I feel so torn up inside because I offended God. I do not want to be gay. I cry a lot. I want so bad to just be normal. I want to find a girl, get married, have a wonderful family and lead a happy life - but I know deep down that I can’t. Absolutely nobody knows that I am gay. I am from an extremely strict Catholic Christian household and am terrified to tell my parents or any of my friends. I love God so much with all of my heart and I want so much to be helped and to be with God someday in Heaven. I love God and do not want to hurt him God Bless you all and thank you for reading.

My friend you have been called to live out your life being celibate. that is the simple answer. there are support groups (COURAGE i believe is their name) that help people with homosexual tendencies. it is important for you to understand that there is a diffrence between having homosexual tendencies and actually acting on them. having an attraction to other men is not a sin per se, but when you choose to act on them, then it becomes a sin. as i said having a tendency toward homosexuality then you are called to live a chaste life.

 

[justamoose89]

My heart goes out to you! My best friend is going though exactly what you’re going through.

A bit of hope: I do know some people who have been gay for most of their lives, and God healed them through prayer after time. One man I know used to be gay, and now he is happily married with several children.

Caution: Don’t get trapped into thinking that you’re somehow worth less than you are. Homosexual desires are just one more thing that some people struggle with. God made you and loves you for who you are, and He hates to see us suffer. If He heals you or not, He has made a way for you to be happy without resorting to sin.

While you have desires for other men, you are called to be chaste. But don’t think this is a bad thing. The Bible tells us that chastity is a good thing! Actually, Paul recommends it! God has made it possible for you to be happy because He loves you no matter what.

This is one of my all time favourite verses. I suggest reading it to yourself everyday, especially during the times that seem hard:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13

 

[Annie39]

God loves you - Jew or Gentile, gay or straight, maimed or whole. Being gay is not more sinful than being arrogant! Each of us bears a different burden, and some are heavier than others. Yours is particularly difficult. If you are serious about not being drawn into sin, you must avoid the occasions that might entrap you.

Ask Him for grace and strength. Offer your suffering for the salvation of the world. Seek ways to serve, and thank Him for His grace.

Perhaps you will be “cured” and find a loving relationship with the “wonderful family” and
'lead a happy life." More likely you will not, and will soldier on, faithfully serving the Lord who gave up Heaven to dwell among us and make it possible for us to be united with Him.

Contrary to the “knowledge” of the modern, western world, it is not necessary to have an active sex life to be a fulfilled, involved, connected person. Many people, gay and straight, have lived fulfilling lives without sexual intimacy.

Homosexuality is against the natural law. Arrogance isn’t they are two different things. There is much more to this young man’s story than what he wrote. I’m guessing (an educated guess) that he was sexually assaulted in childhood. To the OP you may not be able to talk to your parents, if I were your mom you could come to me but probably would not think so. The first thing I would ask you is who assaulted you?

Annie

 

[Travelfar]

Thank you so much for the answers that have been posted! I went to confession yesterday and am trying to heal myself or become more attracted to women.

(Edited) I am just terrified to tell anybody because I want to try and lead a normal lifestyle, get married, have children, etc.

 

[coolduude]

Travelfar;:

Thank you so much for the answers that have been posted! I went to confession yesterday and am trying to heal myself or become more attracted to women.

Annie - I’ve never been sexually abused or assaulted. I am just terrified to tell anybody because I want to try and lead a normal lifestyle, get married, have children, etc.

My advice here is to pray a lot. Pray to Jesus, Mary, and St. Joseph, her most chaste spouse. Pray for chastity and pray for your vocation- maybe God really does want you to have a family and you don’t know it yet. However, He might not, and you have to be ready to accept that. If you are able to discern that you are not being called to the married life, pray for chastity and live the rest of your life chastely.

Remember, its ok to be gay What’s not ok are the actions (homosexual relations) so stay away from those.

Keep in mind what the Chatecism says:
“Christ founded His Church not as a museum of saints, but as a hospital for sinners”.

 

[Annie39]

Thank you so much for the answers that have been posted! I went to confession yesterday and am trying to heal myself or become more attracted to women.

Annie - I’ve never been sexually abused or assaulted. I am just terrified to tell anybody because I want to try and lead a normal lifestyle, get married, have children, etc.

Well, forgive me but I don’t quite buy that. There is something in your past (porn?) or you are not leveling with me. Pray about this. BTW when someone very close to me was first asked if so and so assaulted you that person said no but that was not exactly the truth. You don’t need to admit it here, you need private help. I think that I am closer to the age of being your grandmother (but it would be a toss up) rather than your mother which leads me to ask you if you have a grandma to go to. Sometimes it takes that long to develop some wisdom. I was raised in a so called strict Catholic family too, out of which came many and varied sinners one was/is an enabler of a child abuser and because of that and the fact that that person allowed another type of abuse on the same children that person is also an abuser and would have been subject to arrest if the statute of limitations had not run out so said a police investigator.

Annie

 

[UnreadApologist]

Thank you so much for the answers that have been posted! I went to confession yesterday and am trying to heal myself or become more attracted to women.

Annie - I’ve never been sexually abused or assaulted. I am just terrified to tell anybody because I want to try and lead a normal lifestyle, get married, have children, etc.

Travelfar, I wonder, why are you so focused on marriage and children? Not that these are bad desires to have, of course, but it seems that you’re looking into them with great intensity. Why is that?

Are you doing it because you think that’s normal?
Are you doing it because it is what you want?
Are you doing it because you feel pressure from your family to do so?
Are you doing it because you think a wife and kids will make you happy?

OR

Have you spent a long time prayerfully discerning your vocation with a trusted spiritual director and come to the conclusion that you are supposed to marry and have children?

It just seems to me that you aren’t asking the right questions or looking in the right places. First and foremost, I think you need to focus on God. There is only happiness in God. Men, women, sex, children, none of these things bring us happiness. Only God Himself can satisfy us, only God’s will can shelter us. If you answered yes to the first questions (or thought yes to a similar question I didn’t ask), I urge you to find a spiritual director, and begin a thorough discernment process. Grow closer to God. Pray more. Ask for His will to be done, because right now it seems you are far too focused on your will and on your efforts and your desires.

What does God want you to do?

 

[VetA]

Homosexuality is against the natural law. Arrogance isn’t they are two different things. There is much more to this young man’s story than what he wrote. **I’m guessing (an educated guess) that he was sexually assaulted in childhood. **To the OP you may not be able to talk to your parents, if I were your mom you could come to me but probably would not think so. The first thing I would ask you is who assaulted you?

Annie

that is very presumptuous of you. you have no evidence to support this outrageous claim. it seems like you are assuming that all people with homosexual tendencies were touched as children, maybe i would understand you more if you would explain why this is an educated guess:shrug:

 

[VetA]

Well, forgive me but I don’t quite buy that. There is something in your past (porn?) or you are not leveling with me. Pray about this. BTW when someone very close to me was first asked if so and so assaulted you that person said no but that was not exactly the truth. You don’t need to admit it here, you need private help. I think that I am closer to the age of being your grandmother (but it would be a toss up) rather than your mother which leads me to ask you if you have a grandma to go to. Sometimes it takes that long to develop some wisdom. I was raised in a so called strict Catholic family too, out of which came many and varied sinners one was/is an enabler of a child abuser and because of that and the fact that that person allowed another type of abuse on the same children that person is also an abuser and would have been subject to arrest if the statute of limitations had not run out so said a police investigator.

Annie

chill out and leave him alone about it. I am going to be highly uncharitable here so this is my *** disclaimer.***

you are a random person without a face to the OP. it is not your place to tell him he has been touched as a child. even if you are totaly right it is still not your buisness to butt into his life in this way. if you seriously and honstly think he was [abused] from a single post, then by all means, pray your heart out for him. if he has been touchd it is a problem for him, his family, a theripist, his abuser, the police, and his priest(if he desires spiritual guidance), not the place of you, me or anyone else in this forum

i am not trying to be mean, just my point is it is not the internet’s place to be a therapist to anyone

 

[Annie39]

chill out and leave him alone about it. I am going to be highly uncharitable here so this is my *** disclaimer.***

you are a random person without a face to the OP. it is not your place to tell him he has been touched as a child. even if you are totaly right it is still not your buisness to butt into his life in this way. if you seriously and honstly think he was [abused] from a single post, then by all means, pray your heart out for him. if he has been touchd it is a problem for him, his family, a theripist, his abuser, the police, and his priest(if he desires spiritual guidance), not the place of you, me or anyone else in this forum

i am not trying to be mean, just my point is it is not the internet’s place to be a therapist to anyone

Tell ya what. I won’t tell YOU what to post and you don’t tell ME what to post.

 

[VetA]

Tell ya what. I won’t tell YOU what to post and you don’t tell ME what to post.

i am not trying to tell you what to post, just suggesting (strongly?) that you should leave OP alone. be as offended as you want it is still not your place to council someone over the internet while not even knowing his real name.

 

[Annie39]

i am not trying to tell you what to post, just suggesting (strongly?) that you should leave OP alone. be as offended as you want it is still not your place to council someone over the internet while not even knowing his real name.

My council ma’am was that he seek private counciling. Please read. He dosn’t need the (name removed by moderator)ut from people who don’t know him. I am more familiar with things like this than I care to admit. Homosexuality is not normal. I have yet to know of anyone who is struggling with issues like this who was not himself/herself abused. This person needs a person in his life who can help him. I did not suggest “courage” because I am unfamiliar with that group.

Annie

 

[Ginkgo100]

Thank you so much for the answers that have been posted! I went to confession yesterday and am trying to heal myself or become more attracted to women.

There are those who will tell you that you can be “cured” of same-sex attraction. Perhaps some people can be, but not everybody. Please do not feel guilty or like you are not serving God if you never feel attracted to women. For many gay people, opposite-sex attraction is something they will never experience, through no fault of their own. A person with only same-sex attraction is called to a life of celibacy, but you can only answer that call with the help of Christ. Also, being attracted to the same sex is not a sin, never has been and never will be. Sin only comes from indulging in the attraction. You are not a “bad person” nor a “reject” of God just because of this! God is in love with you.

Someone else posted a link to the Catholic group called Courage. I encourage you to find out more about Courage, and pray that it will give you hope.

Above all, never ever forget hope. God’s mercy is endless, and we can never stop being loved by him. Life in Christ is never more than one confession away, even if you should fall. If you ever feel like it is “not working,” remember that following Christ is a lifelong process, not a recipe for perfection in this life. If you ever feel you are “living a lie,” stop denying your same-sex attraction. You can acknowledge that it is a part of you, even though you choose not to indulge it, just as an alcoholic might acknowledge that alcohol addiction is a part of them, yet choose not to drink. God bless you, and praying for you.

 

[VetA]

My council ma’am was that he seek private counciling. Please read. He dosn’t need the (name removed by moderator)ut from people who don’t know him. I am more familiar with things like this than I care to admit. Homosexuality is not normal. I have yet to know of anyone who is struggling with issues like this who was not himself/herself abused. This person needs a person in his life who can help him. I did not suggest “courage” because I am unfamiliar with that group.

Annie

sir actually .

nowhere have is suggested that homosexuality is normal, but not all homosexuals have been ‘touched’

i have two uncles, an aunt, two cousins, and a friend who’s dad is gay, they are all normal (except the homosexual thing) and have never been molested raped or anything like that. not meaning to be mean but just because in your experience the homosexuals you know have been abused that does not mean all most or even a significant minority have.

 

[VetA]

There are those who will tell you that you can be “cured” of same-sex attraction. Perhaps some people can be, but not everybody. Please do not feel guilty or like you are not serving God if you never feel attracted to women. For many gay people, opposite-sex attraction is something they will never experience, through no fault of their own. A person with only same-sex attraction is called to a life of celibacy, but you can only answer that call with the help of Christ. Also, being attracted to the same sex is not a sin, never has been and never will be. Sin only comes from indulging in the attraction. You are not a “bad person” nor a “reject” of God just because of this! God is in love with you.

Someone else posted a link to the Catholic group called Courage. I encourage you to find out more about Courage, and pray that it will give you hope.

Above all, never ever forget hope. God’s mercy is endless, and we can never stop being loved by him. Life in Christ is never more than one confession away, even if you should fall. If you ever feel like it is “not working,” remember that following Christ is a lifelong process, not a recipe for perfection in this life. If you ever feel you are “living a lie,” stop denying your same-sex attraction. You can acknowledge that it is a part of you, even though you choose not to indulge it, just as an alcoholic might acknowledge that alcohol addiction is a part of them, yet choose not to drink. God bless you, and praying for you.

This^

 

[Annie39]

sir actually .

nowhere have is suggested that homosexuality is normal, but not all homosexuals have been ‘touched’

i have two uncles, an aunt, two cousins, and a friend who’s dad is gay, they are all normal (except the homosexual thing) and have never been molested raped or anything like that. not meaning to be mean but just because in your experience the homosexuals you know have been abused that does not mean all most or even a significant minority have.

Sorry, I am willing to bet if I were privy to what has gone on in those people’s life I would find the underlying problem. People do not always (probably rarely) tell others about the darker sides of their lives even if they are the victims. I don’t suggest that you try to get to the bottom of it. In fact if you tried to do so you would most probably be out of line.

Annie