L
lynnehelen
Guest
By my sin, by my sin, by my own grevious fault I have come to this place. When I met the person to whom I am legally married I had been out of the state hospital in Pennsylvania two years and was deeply suicidal. I was taking medication with improper supervision.
When I met my husband I was glad to find someone else from out of the area, Pennsylvania Dutch country. Also, he was a Canadian, and my family was British. It all seemed right, but everything went wrong from the very beginning and now I question my own motives. Was I taking advantage? I felt I had him in a trap. I was disabled by a suicide attempt and already receiving SSDI. I had problems with my family, with whom I was staying as I didn’t have enough money to live on my own. I regarded everything as temporary. I was starting to think about how to move on and didn’t know how. Somewhere inside i felt the biological clock ticking. I saw happy couples and felt a chill inside.
We kept each other warm. I think he was ready to love me. I blamed everybody except myself for how things went wrong. I realize now that I had reasoned out a habit of using people at that time, for practice. You’re taught that in the hospital, but I was doing it in real life. It was a grevious error. Was I just trying to use my husband to have one because I wanted one? I had two abortions both in confusion and then got pregnant and now my son has grown up in this marriage, and now I am well enough to look back and consider that he was just a child as he lived through what was a horror for me, an adult.
Please keep praying for us. Crying and ashamed.
When I met my husband I was glad to find someone else from out of the area, Pennsylvania Dutch country. Also, he was a Canadian, and my family was British. It all seemed right, but everything went wrong from the very beginning and now I question my own motives. Was I taking advantage? I felt I had him in a trap. I was disabled by a suicide attempt and already receiving SSDI. I had problems with my family, with whom I was staying as I didn’t have enough money to live on my own. I regarded everything as temporary. I was starting to think about how to move on and didn’t know how. Somewhere inside i felt the biological clock ticking. I saw happy couples and felt a chill inside.
We kept each other warm. I think he was ready to love me. I blamed everybody except myself for how things went wrong. I realize now that I had reasoned out a habit of using people at that time, for practice. You’re taught that in the hospital, but I was doing it in real life. It was a grevious error. Was I just trying to use my husband to have one because I wanted one? I had two abortions both in confusion and then got pregnant and now my son has grown up in this marriage, and now I am well enough to look back and consider that he was just a child as he lived through what was a horror for me, an adult.
Please keep praying for us. Crying and ashamed.