Please offer me some advice

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You make a good point Luv2Learn, thank you. As do you Lila grace. Thanks. Today we finalized everything for our big parish easter egg hunt that both of us were coordinating.

After we were finished working, we had dinner together at the fish fry that was going on at the same time in the parish hall. Then I drove her home since she didn’t have a ride.

Before I left her house I gave her my book on the Divine Mercy Chaplet so that she could pray for her mother who is going through a tough time right now with illness.

I like all of these ideas, except, she now has a job. Her hours and days to work can be erratic at times which makes it difficult. I fear I will only see her again at Easter mass and not again until our meeting at the Diocese on the 22th.

Yesterday, in front of the monstrance that held our Lord, I put my relationship with her in his hands. I told him that I want him to help us grow together and that our relationship will blossom into something beautiful.

I need more ideas please. And prayers.
 
you are a bit too young for single dating in my opinion–are you ready to get married? What is your purpose in seeing her so often? Relationships can get out of control very easily emotionally and physically. I am just wondering why you are pursuing a relationship at such a young age? It seems to me that you should be focusing on how you will support a family in the future or seeking out God’s will for your life in regards to what vocation He is calling you to. By the way, I have 19, 18, 16 and 14 year old sons that I encourage to spend their teen years growing closer to God and becoming educated so that they will be ready to support a family when the time is right. Getting caught up in girlfriends at a young age is often such a waste of time that could be used to serve God more completely.
 
Bowling is a fun time I think, and it doesn’t matter what your skill level is. Do you have any parks or wilderness centers around? You could always take a walk, even do a picnic if it’s nice where you live. What about a theater? Sometimes it’s fun to see a musical or play, or even do a dinner theater. Date ideas will become easier as you get to know her, I promise!
 
I understand where you’re coming from Jwatza. I thank you for your concern too. The thing is, never before have I felt this way. Throughout my short life I have come to like many girls. None of them come close to this one. The girl I’ve found is a treasure. 16 may be young, but if you knew me you count me as an exeption.

I’ve been through the Valley of Darkness, I’ve had a major conversion. I want nothing else but to do the will of the Father. There is no easy way to explain this to you Jwatza. I am working on the future, I always keep that in mind, so please don’t worry about me. But thank you for your concern.

Today I plan to ask her out to dinner on monday. I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me.
 
So, my question for you is–are you looking for this to be a long term relationship possibly leading to marriage? If so, then the best way to approach is to learn to be good friends. Too much one on one time will develop into emotional intimacy that will be frustrated by having to wait years before you can engage in physical intimacy that is appropriate only in marriage. I think it best to guard your heart from emotional intimacy at such a young age no matter how mature you are. The fact is that you will not be able to support a family for several years to come and until then you should not become too attached to one person. I try to teach my boys to learn how to be friends with many different girls, so that they learn the art of friendship first without emotional attachment. Friendship is the basis of a good and fulfilling marriage.

You sound very much like my 19 year old who became attached to a young lady when he was 16. Well it didn’t work out and he wasted a lot of time thinking about this girl when he probably should have been developing other friendships and skills. What is God saying to you about this relationship? I am not trying to rain on your parade, I just have been around for many more years than you and am sharing what I have learned from experience. God Bless you.
 
You are right Jwatza, I understand. There have been times before where I have developed an emotional attachment to a girl. After having realized that my plans are moving too fast than what they should be, I decided not to ask her to dinner. I felt that it was too soon. It isn’t a good thing to develop an emotional attachment. It’s not healthy, I know from the past.

A good amount of people that have seen us together have commented on how good of a couple we make. But, that means little. What really matters is how she feels. I should think of her before myself if I hope to move this relationship along.

I do hope to develop a long term relationship eventually. I have one more year of school, then age will soon matter less and less.

It is difficult to know, but I put it in the hands of God. If it is his will, then we will be together some day. I know that God’ will is the only thing that can bring me true peace and happiness. So yes, it is wise to solidify our relationship more, before I take a step such as asking her out to dinner.

Although, would it be too much to ask her to come and pray with my pro-life group at the abortion clinic in the morning, and then afterwards have breakfast?

Anymore suggestions anyone?
 
Happy Easter! I would think that asking her to the pro-life thing and going out to breakfast in a group is very appropriate. Learn how to be friends with her in group situations doing healthy things with other teens/ young adults.
God Bless you this Easter day!
 
Thank you for your advice Jwatza. I would like to ask her to the prayer group. But I want to speak with my theology teacher for some advice first.

Does anyone else have any advice or suggestions to offer?
 
All things in good time; all in good time. Dating is a process of walking a fine line with flair and style. Dress well (this means dress well and comfortably); don’t wear too much cologne, and be ready to take risks. If you aren’t willing to do these things, then you probably aren’t ready to date. This is to say that most men (regardless of age) truly are not ready to date. Having said that, I applaud you for taking your first bold steps in this direction! :cool:

There are many fine arts that can truly augment a man’s ability to be attractive to the fair gender, and unfortunately for this thread my favorite is bartending. :o However, there is one very close second that is sure to impress the ladies: cooking! Or more specifically, dessert making. The great thing about desserts is that many great ones are stupendously easy to put together. But the best ones are a group activity! While I’ve come up with a number of fairly complex and lovely dishes that are best prepared with a helping hand, there are a couple old standbys that I can fall back on in a pinch. These are fudge brownies and ice cream sundaes. (With a bit of preparation, you can do them both and have them together!) There are plenty of recipes out there on the net that you can get your hands on, or you can bust out some Betty Crocker mix and knock yourself out – there’s nothing wrong with that if you’re a beginner in the kitchen.

I find the kitchen a particularly revealing place. You can certainly tell a lot about people by the way they move around, handle food and utensils, or in some cases how a person avoids the kitchen all together. Even though my mommy taught me how to cook before I went to college, I certainly can’t see myself with someone who doesn’t know her way about the kitchen, or isn’t at least willing to learn. I can do my fair share, but I expect others to do the same.

Of course, your mileage may vary. The important part though is that you’re doing things together. Having fun is absolutely key and essential to good dating. The biggest pitfall I advise you to avoid, though, is “The Relationship Question.” We’re often so rushed in our lives to progress in all areas that we run headfirst into that most dreadful question: “So, uh, do you want to be my girlfriend?” Yeah, I’ve been there, and yes I’ve learned to avoid it. Don’t ask that question, but be ready to answer it if she pops it on you. (Hint: the answer should be an honest Yes or No.) If you have to ask if you two are boyfriend-girlfriend, then you’re probably not. Go out, have fun, get to know each other – rinse, wash, repeat. Formalizing a relationship should be a silk smooth transition, not a soul-crushing transformation that may or may not result in rejection.

Go get em, tiger. 👍
 
I would suggest you arrange a “date” with your or her family. Maybe have dinner at your house or her house (with family home as well) and rent a nice movie. Then you have the opportunity to see how she reacts around others and how family members relate to her, all in a more safe, sane, realistic environment.
 
If either of you have a dog, you could go on a dog-walking date. I just went on one tonight. It’s a good chance to spend time talking with one another, and the dog can be a good conversation-starter.
 
Solid advice Catechumen. Although that seems like an activity that should be used much later on, and I’ll definitely keep it in mind. I myself am pretty solid at dessert making. I’m just beginning to mold this relationship, so more basic and beginner activities do I need.

This relationship is like a flower, it is small and fragile. It needs to be watered. If it is not watered enough it will die. If it is watered too much it will die. The balance I have to keep is amazingly difficult. It’s so hard being the man in a relationship.

Anyone else please?
 
ironman62292 said:
Solid advice Catechumen. Although that seems like an activity that should be used much later on, and I’ll definitely keep it in mind. I myself am pretty solid at dessert making. I’m just beginning to mold this relationship, so more basic and beginner activities do I need.

This relationship is like a flower, it is small and fragile. It needs to be watered. If it is not watered enough it will die. If it is watered too much it will die. The balance I have to keep is amazingly difficult. It’s so hard being the man in a relationship.

Anyone else please?
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ironman, I do hope you will win; remain true and keep faith; and for the rest, trust to God.
You are too young to think all about this, but who knows, let God decide.🙂
I do not know why I would laughing when I read this, my advice for a boy , is never show how many other girls like you. I met a boy before he said he likes me very much, and want me be his girlfriend, and I was not ready, I said no but I feel happy a man like me . and then he still said he want be my man, and show me how many girls like him but he loves me, and I said never, and he keep show me how many girls like him, how he has a girlfriend now or how he wait the time when I want him. Why should men look foolish? because they always boy no matter age. if I will love a man I will love a man his heart is only on me, how funny he said how beautiful I am, he want be my man?then when I am getting old? men and women in love just because looks? Hahaha. even I liked him ,but I would not meet him again for anything in the world.
 
Thanks roselily. Thank you for your reflections. When I think, I can think of only a few times where I may see this girl again. And even fewer times where I will defintely see her again. And much fewer times where I can have an opportunity to speak with her for more than 2 minutes.

The only way is to invite her someplace. I want to invite her to pray the rosary with my pro-life group at the abortion clinic and then take her out for breakfast. But she works and she might work on that day. We also pray at 8:30 in the morning and that itself may discourage her. Not only that, but I feel like it would seem like a date. I don’t want it to, but that is what it may seem like. So confusing.
 
ironman62292 said:
Thanks roselily. Thank you for your reflections. When I think, I can think of only a few times where I may see this girl again. And even fewer times where I will defintely see her again. And much fewer times where I can have an opportunity to speak with her for more than 2 minutes.

The only way is to invite her someplace. I want to invite her to pray the rosary with my pro-life group at the abortion clinic and then take her out for breakfast. But she works and she might work on that day. We also pray at 8:30 in the morning and that itself may discourage her. Not only that, but I feel like it would seem like a date. I don’t want it to, but that is what it may seem like. So confusing.
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All will be well, you are so good.
Just remain true and keep your faith; and for the rest, trust to God.
May God guide you and protect you. The one who is good has the right to live-we must not doubt about ourselves.
 
Thanks to those who gave me some awesome suggestions and advice. I would be more than happy to receive more.
 
ironman62292 said:
I want to invite her to pray the rosary with my pro-life group at the abortion clinic and then take her out for breakfast. But she works and she might work on that day. We also pray at 8:30 in the morning and that itself may discourage her. Not only that, but I feel like it would seem like a date. I don’t want it to, but that is what it may seem like. So confusing.
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Maybe you could ask some other friends from the group to join you for breakfast and all go Dutch?

I’d say, ask her to join her and let her know that you understand if it’s too early or she has to work. Give her the chance to say “No” rather than saying it for her.

The fact that you are considering this kind of way of getting to know her tells me that you are both very special individuals. I wish I had been more like you as a teen.
 
LongingForLight said:
Maybe you could ask some other friends from the group to join you for breakfast and all go Dutch?

I’d say, ask her to join her and let her know that you understand if it’s too early or she has to work. Give her the chance to say “No” rather than saying it for her.

The fact that you are considering this kind of way of getting to know her tells me that you are both very special individuals. I wish I had been more like you as a teen.
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Well, my friends are more like aquantainces, and I highly doubt they would go to breakfast with us. I like your advice, letting her know that understand her circumstances will be helpful. If she says no, then I could play it off, by maybe saying, “Oh well, hey maybe next time.”

I want it seem like it’s not a date. That’s not what I’m shooting for. I want to make it seem like this is something between two friends. If I make it to seem like a date, then I could blow my chances at her saying yes.

It is God who guides me. I want to get to know her in this way because there is no one like God who can bring two people together. I pray that it is his will that one day we can be together.
 
LongingForLight said:
Maybe you could ask some other friends from the group to join you for breakfast and all go Dutch?

I’d say, ask her to join her and let her know that you understand if it’s too early or she has to work. Give her the chance to say “No” rather than saying it for her.

The fact that you are considering this kind of way of getting to know her tells me that you are both very special individuals. I wish I had been more like you as a teen.
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I respectfully disagree with the idea of working a yes/no into a date proposition. If you give girls a means to weasel out on you, then chances are they’ll take it. You don’t have to be a jerk or anything; just be decisive. Girls like that. If there’s a reasonable objection (she has to work or is legitimately unavailable), then pick a different time or circumstance. It all might go something like this.

🙂 (after small talk) “…But unfortunately, I have to get going soon. I’d like to see you again though.”
:nun2: “Okay.”
🙂 “There’s a really awesome Italian place downtown with that dish you like. I think you’d enjoy it.”
:nun2: “Really?”
🙂 “Yeah. Let me pick you up Friday at around eight.”
:nun2: “Well, um… okay!”
🙂 “Sweet. I’ll just get your address… (collect the info) And I’ll see you then.” (Pro tip: Always collect her contact info, not the other way around. Giving out your number to a girl and then expecting her to call you is setting yourself up for disappointment.)

As an aside, I’m not sure that a politically charged event like a pro-life prayer rally outside of an abortion clinic is a very good date idea. Unless of course you happen to know that she is really into that sort of thing. 🤷 Find out what sorts of things she likes doing and work them into date ideas. Bonus points if you make it seem like it was your own idea to begin with.

LFL’s suggestion of going dutch with a group of people is a fantastic idea, by the way! It’s a way to ease into a more intimate pairing, and it’s less threatening to a girl that you’re trying to get to know.

Hope this helps!
 
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