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daviddewar
Guest
I have no clue as to where God is wanting me anymore. I swear I thought I found the answer through prayer, meditation, and through what appeared to be obvious signs from God, but now everything has completely fallen apart.
My wife still refuses to talk to me about the state of our marriage (or lack thereof) and there are 5 days left until she can file for a divorce. I still, to this day, just have this unexplainable feeling of comfort that everything is going to work itself out (and I have absolutely no clue why because every earthly sign is pointing to the complete opposite - its been over a month and a half since she’s even said “I love you”, never mind anything else at all). The only thing I have going for this is an email she sent stating that she has not decided to divorce me but is waiting for God to tell her that it is time for things to move forward. This and just an unshakable feeling when I pray - those are the only things I’ve got going.
To make matters worse, my children are suffering. They are now beginning to act out in ways so much worse than before, and my daughter, who once had absolutely no problem talking about her feelings, is withdrawing and breaking down whenever I ask how she feels. My wife refuses to talk to them about our separation or possible divorce, and this is tearing me up - I had our kids last weekend and my daughter had an emotional breakdown during bedtime prayer time because she so desperately wanted my reassurance that we were all going to be a family again, together, one day and that my wife and I were going to stay married forever and ever. Unfortunately because of the complete silence I am receiving (and only phone records that prove she has in fact been in touch with family legal services) I have absolutely no way to console her other than to just remind her that even if my wife and I divorce it has absolutely nothing to do with anything that she and my son have done and that my wife and I will continue to love them forever and ever because they (my children) are our precious gifts from God. But it is still so difficult - I wish there were more words I could say to help her out.
Then there’s my father in law. He has had an absolute hatred toward me from the beginning. He claims that, as a Catholic, he can’t hate anyone, but I’ve never met anyone that is so dead set on holding onto and reminding everyone else of every single transgression that another person has done. This man, regardless of how many times I have reached out and tried to be a part of his life and his family, has continually cast me to the side from the very beginning and has gone out of his way to make me feel unwelcome and unwanted. This hurts.
And I don’t have a job right now anymore. I had one, but then my wife and I were on (what seemed to be) a solid path of reconciliation that I gave up the job to move to the state where she and our children live. However, since her father got involved she has distanced herself from me and he has mandated that she not speak to me at all. She denied me visitation while I was down there, and all of this stress was just too much for me to take. I packed everything up and came back here. I passed up a job that was more lucrative than any other job I ever had (and a few other jobs that paid pretty well too) just because I didn’t think I could handle being that close to my family and have my FIL continue to convince my wife to deny visitation. I know my own limits. Now there is still no work here and I am in such a financial mess. I don’t know what to do.
Please. I have been begging God for direction, for some sort of sign as to what I am supposed to do. In the beginning of all of this it appeared that God made himself so visible to me; now I wonder if all of that was just me having some sort of coping mechanism for everything that was going on. Please pray for me. Please pray that God tells me where I need to go. I feel so lost and confused and hurt and discarded. I love God and I just wish he were as evident in my life as he was just a few months ago.
Thank you.
My wife still refuses to talk to me about the state of our marriage (or lack thereof) and there are 5 days left until she can file for a divorce. I still, to this day, just have this unexplainable feeling of comfort that everything is going to work itself out (and I have absolutely no clue why because every earthly sign is pointing to the complete opposite - its been over a month and a half since she’s even said “I love you”, never mind anything else at all). The only thing I have going for this is an email she sent stating that she has not decided to divorce me but is waiting for God to tell her that it is time for things to move forward. This and just an unshakable feeling when I pray - those are the only things I’ve got going.
To make matters worse, my children are suffering. They are now beginning to act out in ways so much worse than before, and my daughter, who once had absolutely no problem talking about her feelings, is withdrawing and breaking down whenever I ask how she feels. My wife refuses to talk to them about our separation or possible divorce, and this is tearing me up - I had our kids last weekend and my daughter had an emotional breakdown during bedtime prayer time because she so desperately wanted my reassurance that we were all going to be a family again, together, one day and that my wife and I were going to stay married forever and ever. Unfortunately because of the complete silence I am receiving (and only phone records that prove she has in fact been in touch with family legal services) I have absolutely no way to console her other than to just remind her that even if my wife and I divorce it has absolutely nothing to do with anything that she and my son have done and that my wife and I will continue to love them forever and ever because they (my children) are our precious gifts from God. But it is still so difficult - I wish there were more words I could say to help her out.
Then there’s my father in law. He has had an absolute hatred toward me from the beginning. He claims that, as a Catholic, he can’t hate anyone, but I’ve never met anyone that is so dead set on holding onto and reminding everyone else of every single transgression that another person has done. This man, regardless of how many times I have reached out and tried to be a part of his life and his family, has continually cast me to the side from the very beginning and has gone out of his way to make me feel unwelcome and unwanted. This hurts.
And I don’t have a job right now anymore. I had one, but then my wife and I were on (what seemed to be) a solid path of reconciliation that I gave up the job to move to the state where she and our children live. However, since her father got involved she has distanced herself from me and he has mandated that she not speak to me at all. She denied me visitation while I was down there, and all of this stress was just too much for me to take. I packed everything up and came back here. I passed up a job that was more lucrative than any other job I ever had (and a few other jobs that paid pretty well too) just because I didn’t think I could handle being that close to my family and have my FIL continue to convince my wife to deny visitation. I know my own limits. Now there is still no work here and I am in such a financial mess. I don’t know what to do.
Please. I have been begging God for direction, for some sort of sign as to what I am supposed to do. In the beginning of all of this it appeared that God made himself so visible to me; now I wonder if all of that was just me having some sort of coping mechanism for everything that was going on. Please pray for me. Please pray that God tells me where I need to go. I feel so lost and confused and hurt and discarded. I love God and I just wish he were as evident in my life as he was just a few months ago.
Thank you.
