You have my prayers and best wishes. I know some of the kind of agony you are in at this time. DO NOT try to burden yourself with “more rosaries” - multiplication of words is not the way of prayer: depth and sincerity are. YOU DO NOT HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY FOR MORE ROSARIES, so if I were your “advisor,” I would “forbid you to say extra ones.” Just consider that “some of your friends who love you care and are also praying for you.”
You do realize, I would expect, that the prayer Jesus gave us, word for word, starts with OUR Father, not “my” or “yours”. We are all in this together, and “we all love each other.” That is what is “heard” in heaven: our love for one another. Big time. That’s the way he arranged it and that’s the way he wants it!
You do know also that if you show up at the pearly gates without battle scars, you can’t get in! So you’re receiving some of yours right now. And if you think what it costs you is a lot, and surely it is indeed, you simply do not know how God uses a logarithmic scale for repayment: so where WE multiply 2 x 6 to get 12, HE "multiplies 2 BY ITSELF 6 TIMES, to get 2 to the 6th power (isn’t that 64?). Besides that, our minds ALWAYS suffer more in anticipation than our days suffer in reality: so the likelihood is that the worst you fear is NOT as great as the anticipation and worry. Mary and Joseph were in agony for three full days before they found Jesus in the Temple in Jerusalem: imagine their specters and fears and how THEY suffered; AND THEY FOUND HIM SAFE.
God bless you, Jess.
