Please pray for a very devastated man

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Praying for you :grouphug:

You are a strong, good man and your wife and children are lucky people. God bless.
 
Thank you. Just studied up on the 5 stages of grief, today I am experiencing anger. Last week was the most difficult week of my life but also, thanks be to God, one of the most spiritually rewarding. She and I had a “date night” and some really nice times.

I want to build on that but today my petty anger is a road block Satan is trying to place in my way. Please all continue to pray for me.

God Bless,

Hollow Ghost
 
HollowGhost said:
I want to build on that but today my petty anger is a road block Satan is trying to place in my way. Please all continue to pray for me.
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Definitely will.

When things feel overwhelming, remind yourself that the awful feelings will pass at one point. This is a rollercoaster and you will eventually get off it.
 
Hollow Ghost, I too shared your experience. Next year it will be 20 years ago. My wife an I have been married for 26 years now. Another thing we share is our military service. I served 20 years in AF. In fact I was on a remote tour in Korea when she had the affair and when she told me about it. That’s where our similarities end. You have the advantage of what seems to be a solid faith and relationship with our Lord. At the time my wife told me I was a long, long fallen away Catholic. Despite 12 years I Catholic school I knew nothing about and totally rejected the Faith and our Lord. Funny thing though, the VERY FIRST thing I did when I slammed down the phone after she told me was fall on my knees and ask God for help. That affair and everything that went along with it afterwards is what led me to The Lord. I would say back to The Lord but I’m not sure how much I was really with Him. Although looking back on things I see clearly now that He was always with me.
My advice is the Rosary and Eucharistic Adoration. I can’t tell you how many times I poured my tears out before The Lord in that Adoration Chapel. He saved my life in so many ways. Also I cannot recommend entrusting yourself and your marriage to Our Blessed Mother enough. Consecrate yourself to Her. She will not let you down.
I’ll also tell you this. I wouldn’t wish the pain I went through on my worse enemy. But if I had to go through it again to get our marriage and our relationship and my Faith and my relationship with our Lord. I would gladly go through it again and again.
You can contact me privately if you need to talk some more. I’ll be praying for you.
 
I am so very sorry you are going through this.
You might find some hope and comfort in the story of this couple who made it through to the other side with God’s grace. The infidelity of the wife resulted in a pregnancy and the husband got through, even with the child born who was another race.

charismamag.com/life/relationships/12437-when-the-vow-almost-breaks

They are married and speaking of the goodness and faithfulness of God.
 
Dear Brother in Christ,
I was moved to register with Catholic Answers and respond to your email regarding your situation. I know exactly what you have been going through as I went through a similar situation. My husband and I had been married for 23 years. In 2010, I found out he was involved with someone. Being betrayed by your spouse is a devastation and a death of something that is holy and pure (our marriage sacrament). My husband, too, wanted to stay married after realizing the sin he had committed. After praying about it, knowing that my marriage was a sacrament (through good times and bad), knowing my child needed her father, and my faith in God, I knew I had to give it another chance. My situation became a little more complicated as a child was born from this affair! Talk about humiliation! We did separate. People encouraged me to divorce him, etc. But you know what? I gave it completely to God…I turned to my faith (doesn’t God become so much more alive when we are depleted and just give everything to Him?) and I decided to not only work on my marriage (Retrouvaille Retreat/ great catholic marriage counseling couple) but I decided to also accept this child into my own family.

As long as the affair is over and your wife is truly sorry, confession is the first thing to be completed. Once God has forgiven her, then you too, must forgive (we never forget, but we CHOOSE to forgive - everyday it’s a decision). God makes good out of these things too. Would you have changed things in your family as far as putting God first in your lives? You are the spiritual leader in your family - pray to St. Joseph to help you be just that. The evil one will try to break up marriages and families. Remember, that your willing to forgive WILL help others in their journeys too. It has with me! I thank God everyday for the little boy who has become part of our family. We are doing wonderful and my husband is a faith-filled man, who loves His God. We are here to save our spouses as long as they are trying too! ( Heaven-bound for our families is what we are here for!) Is it hard at times? Absolutely! But, my life/marriage/relationship with God and His Blessed Mother has strengthened through this situation! Daily Mass will give you the grace to continue forgiving…I KNOW! God is GOOD and He makes Holy what was once unholy. I will continue to pray for your family and you are an inspiration for making your situation from humiliation - to changing it to Holy Humility …We are in good company (saints, Blessed Mother, Jesus)…God Bless You and persevere in your journey!
 
DavidEMH said:
Hollow Ghost, I too shared your experience. Next year it will be 20 years ago. My wife an I have been married for 26 years now. Another thing we share is our military service. I served 20 years in AF. In fact I was on a remote tour in Korea when she had the affair and when she told me about it. That’s where our similarities end. You have the advantage of what seems to be a solid faith and relationship with our Lord. At the time my wife told me I was a long, long fallen away Catholic. Despite 12 years I Catholic school I knew nothing about and totally rejected the Faith and our Lord. Funny thing though, the VERY FIRST thing I did when I slammed down the phone after she told me was fall on my knees and ask God for help. That affair and everything that went along with it afterwards is what led me to The Lord. I would say back to The Lord but I’m not sure how much I was really with Him. Although looking back on things I see clearly now that He was always with me.
My advice is the Rosary and Eucharistic Adoration. I can’t tell you how many times I poured my tears out before The Lord in that Adoration Chapel. He saved my life in so many ways. Also I cannot recommend entrusting yourself and your marriage to Our Blessed Mother enough. Consecrate yourself to Her. She will not let you down.
I’ll also tell you this. I wouldn’t wish the pain I went through on my worse enemy. But if I had to go through it again to get our marriage and our relationship and my Faith and my relationship with our Lord. I would gladly go through it again and again.
You can contact me privately if you need to talk some more. I’ll be praying for you.
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Thank you so much, I would like that.

Hollow Ghost
 
homemakermommie said:
Dear Brother in Christ,
I was moved to register with Catholic Answers and respond to your email regarding your situation. I know exactly what you have been going through as I went through a similar situation. My husband and I had been married for 23 years. In 2010, I found out he was involved with someone. Being betrayed by your spouse is a devastation and a death of something that is holy and pure (our marriage sacrament). My husband, too, wanted to stay married after realizing the sin he had committed. After praying about it, knowing that my marriage was a sacrament (through good times and bad), knowing my child needed her father, and my faith in God, I knew I had to give it another chance. My situation became a little more complicated as a child was born from this affair! Talk about humiliation! We did separate. People encouraged me to divorce him, etc. But you know what? I gave it completely to God…I turned to my faith (doesn’t God become so much more alive when we are depleted and just give everything to Him?) and I decided to not only work on my marriage (Retrouvaille Retreat/ great catholic marriage counseling couple) but I decided to also accept this child into my own family.

As long as the affair is over and your wife is truly sorry, confession is the first thing to be completed. Once God has forgiven her, then you too, must forgive (we never forget, but we CHOOSE to forgive - everyday it’s a decision). God makes good out of these things too. Would you have changed things in your family as far as putting God first in your lives? You are the spiritual leader in your family - pray to St. Joseph to help you be just that. The evil one will try to break up marriages and families. Remember, that your willing to forgive WILL help others in their journeys too. It has with me! I thank God everyday for the little boy who has become part of our family. We are doing wonderful and my husband is a faith-filled man, who loves His God. We are here to save our spouses as long as they are trying too! ( Heaven-bound for our families is what we are here for!) Is it hard at times? Absolutely! But, my life/marriage/relationship with God and His Blessed Mother has strengthened through this situation! Daily Mass will give you the grace to continue forgiving…I KNOW! God is GOOD and He makes Holy what was once unholy. I will continue to pray for your family and you are an inspiration for making your situation from humiliation - to changing it to Holy Humility …We are in good company (saints, Blessed Mother, Jesus)…God Bless You and persevere in your journey!
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Dear Homemakermommie,

Thank you so much for your prayers. I did go to daily Mass today and your words were what I needed to hear! I was down working on the computer wondering when she would come down to spend some time with me. I sent her flowers at work and I think she fell asleep!!! Needless to say, Satan was giving me some bad thoughts and then I read your story. I am absolutely, completely blown away by your ability to go through what you went through and then accept that child.

One of our issues has been that we took in an adopted child whose parents passed away. Having sons of our own we decided that we needed a little girl. She has ADHD and is a very difficult child. She has added a great deal of stress to the marriage and I have been wondering if she is worth it; after reading your testimony I believe she is. Thank you for sharing that and may God bless and keep you.

Hollow Ghost
 
Hello again!
Just wanted to also mention that, yes, the evil one will try to plant thoughts, doubts, crazy ideas in your head. “CHANGE THE CHANNEL” when that happens. Don’t allow those thoughts to “fester” in your mind. Say a prayer. I still sometimes have trust issues, and I guess that will always be there, but it gets better (like the grief phases you are going through). It WILL pass. Like I mentioned before, stay close to the Sacraments. Go to mass as a family. Bless your home with holy water (you are the head of the house) and have your entire family pray with you. Lots of things that can be done to keep satan at bay. You are rebuilding your marriage and your foundation is being re-strengthened with God as your foundation. It’s a life-long process! I wish we could just coast and be happy all the time in our marriage, but it doesn’t work that way…God wants us to continually grow closer to Him.

Every couple who is married needs date night! Keep that a priority too. You need that and your wife needs that too! Hopefully, you are both still seeing the counselor and they are giving you good solid Catholic advice! We also had together time and alone time with the counselors (which helped immensely!)

I will also be praying for your daughter that you have adopted (you are receiving even MORE blessings/graces for carrying this cross too). She is a child of God and ask her parents to pray and intercede for you and your family. Place her in Mother Mary’s care! Please keep me posted and know that I am praying for you and your family. God Bless you!
 
PS: and it’s only by GOD’s GRACE that I could even try again in my marriage, and love that child - AND forgive this child’s mother too! It’s a work in progress, but when I allow God to take control of my situations, it gets easier and I feel HIS Grace flowing through me and I’m able to love as Jesus does…
 
homemakermommie said:
Hello again!
Just wanted to also mention that, yes, the evil one will try to plant thoughts, doubts, crazy ideas in your head. “CHANGE THE CHANNEL” when that happens. Don’t allow those thoughts to “fester” in your mind. Say a prayer. I still sometimes have trust issues, and I guess that will always be there, but it gets better (like the grief phases you are going through). It WILL pass. Like I mentioned before, stay close to the Sacraments. Go to mass as a family. Bless your home with holy water (you are the head of the house) and have your entire family pray with you. Lots of things that can be done to keep satan at bay. You are rebuilding your marriage and your foundation is being re-strengthened with God as your foundation. It’s a life-long process! I wish we could just coast and be happy all the time in our marriage, but it doesn’t work that way…God wants us to continually grow closer to Him.

Every couple who is married needs date night! Keep that a priority too. You need that and your wife needs that too! Hopefully, you are both still seeing the counselor and they are giving you good solid Catholic advice! We also had together time and alone time with the counselors (which helped immensely!)

I will also be praying for your daughter that you have adopted (you are receiving even MORE blessings/graces for carrying this cross too). She is a child of God and ask her parents to pray and intercede for you and your family. Place her in Mother Mary’s care! Please keep me posted and know that I am praying for you and your family. God Bless you!
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Dear Homemaker,

Once again,

Thanks for your responses; they are a source of great comfort. The evil one likes to plant those bad thoughts when you are alone as I am now (kids at school & wife at work). I need to change the channel!!!

My wife and I had lunch together yesterday, had Date Night as well. We came home to put the children to bed and “snuck” out to the Adoration Chapel. We prayed, cried, and laughed in the presence of God; truly a wonderful, rebuilding kind of day!

A question for you if it’s OK: Did you experience great days like yesterday followed by great lows and morning cry sessions? Am I normal or am I going crazy?

Counseling tonight, wish us luck.

Your Brother in Christ,

HollowGhost
 
Dear Brother in Christ,
Yes, you may ask any questions that will help you in your marriage! I truly believe that a christian community who can help each other in their journey is God’s way of telling us He is with us. (I know the Holy Spirit guides me and allows me to share my story with others!)
I hope your counseling session went well! We went through great sessions and not-so-great sessions. And that’s ok too! It’s takes time to get to the root of why marriages go wrong. Hang in there! Not endorsing any particular retreat or events, but our Retrouvaille weekend together helped us to communicate and talk about ALOT of things we were never even aware of and why we sometimes do the things we do!
I strongly believe that any type of retreats, sessions, etc. should always be catholic-based because they focus on what we believe - even when the world tells us otherwise- and the rich knowledge of our faith is taught (we can never learn enough about our beautiful catholic faith).

As far as it being normal to have fantastic, spirit-filled, light-hearted, “passionate” moments with our spouse one moment, and then cry and be frustrated the next? Yes. It’s amazing how we can love them even after something bad has happened. It’s part of the healing/forgiving process. Will the passion and feelings die down at times? Yes. It’s a roller coaster at times! But again, it’s persevering and as long as you both are willing to work at this (don’t rely on emotions) and always keep in this order:
  1. God, 2. Spouse, 3. Children, 4. Work and anything else… Won’t/can’t work any other way…
    I also had those nights/alone times that were so hard…I would turn on the catholic channel on TV or listen to the catholic radio and would always hear God speaking to me. No coincidences–God incidences…That would help me sleep too! It’ll get better.
    I wish I could say you will live “happily ever after” but again, that will be heaven! In the meantime, just take each day (each minute) at a time and be in the present moment and not worry about what’s going to happen next. My mother used to say, “Hey, we could all be gone tomorrow!” lol…Ok, keep in touch and pray for all our marriages and families!
 
Hollow Ghost:

Human nature is so afflicted by the consequences of original sin. Many people are not aware of this real condition and how it affects their behavior . You are rightly aware of Satan’s influence. His influence also effects you and your wife. If a person is not concerned or aware of the reality of a spiritual life then they become vulnerable to Satan’s influence who takes advantage of their spiritual weaknesses. We must be aware that without the grace of God we are literally and spiritually handicapped.

It appears you have a deeper spiritual life then your wife, and at the same time you both have to grow from whatever spiritual state you both find yourselves if God is to bless your lives further. Your wife made a serious human choice in her life, and a forgivable one even though it was very painful, there go I if not for the grace of God. You experienced a “dark night”. You were tried like Job, and you co-operated with God’s grace and remained faithful to Him. God tests us and exposes any false gods that we may have, if you gave up your faith and trust in God, then your wife becomes your false god, This didn’t happen Again if this situation didn’t happen in your and your wife’s life your wife would have remained on the outskirts of a true relationship with God and yourself. God used this situation to enrich both your lives with a truer love for each other and God. All things work for the good for those who love God.

Also receiving we must not act as if we haven’t received. It’s because you received the grace to remain faithful to God that He is healing both of you, Pray for each other. We in our married life are supplied the occasions for spiritual advancement, and by being faithful to God perfect each other,that is why marriage is a first rate vocation, not a second rate.one It was instituted by Christ to give grace and lead us in holiness, the purpose of our lives, union with God. So count your blessings, thank god for enriching your married life and confounding Satan who sought to destroy you and your wife. God bless you further.
 
homemakermommie said:
Dear Brother in Christ,
Yes, you may ask any questions that will help you in your marriage! I truly believe that a christian community who can help each other in their journey is God’s way of telling us He is with us. (I know the Holy Spirit guides me and allows me to share my story with others!)
I hope your counseling session went well! We went through great sessions and not-so-great sessions. And that’s ok too! It’s takes time to get to the root of why marriages go wrong. Hang in there! Not endorsing any particular retreat or events, but our Retrouvaille weekend together helped us to communicate and talk about ALOT of things we were never even aware of and why we sometimes do the things we do!
I strongly believe that any type of retreats, sessions, etc. should always be catholic-based because they focus on what we believe - even when the world tells us otherwise- and the rich knowledge of our faith is taught (we can never learn enough about our beautiful catholic faith).

As far as it being normal to have fantastic, spirit-filled, light-hearted, “passionate” moments with our spouse one moment, and then cry and be frustrated the next? Yes. It’s amazing how we can love them even after something bad has happened. It’s part of the healing/forgiving process. Will the passion and feelings die down at times? Yes. It’s a roller coaster at times! But again, it’s persevering and as long as you both are willing to work at this (don’t rely on emotions) and always keep in this order:
  1. God, 2. Spouse, 3. Children, 4. Work and anything else… Won’t/can’t work any other way…
    I also had those nights/alone times that were so hard…I would turn on the catholic channel on TV or listen to the catholic radio and would always hear God speaking to me. No coincidences–God incidences…That would help me sleep too! It’ll get better.
    I wish I could say you will live “happily ever after” but again, that will be heaven! In the meantime, just take each day (each minute) at a time and be in the present moment and not worry about what’s going to happen next. My mother used to say, “Hey, we could all be gone tomorrow!” lol…Ok, keep in touch and pray for all our marriages and families!
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Dear Sister in Christ,

Thanks again for responding. It helps to know that I am NOT going crazy. You are very, very correct in your order of the way things need to be. For me it was Work, Kids, God, Spouse. For my wife it was Kids, Work, Spouse, God.

In retrospect, it is obvious to see what went wrong and how entirely backward those priorities are! She always said that “the kids come first” but we now have learned the hard way that without the marriage coming first, the kids will ultimately lose. We have also learned the hard way that without God at the FRONT AND CENTER, the marriage can not come before the kids and all else is moot.

Put another way: When you go to the Y to work out, the sign always says “Mind, body, spirit”. I argue that is backward as well. It should say “Spirit, mind, body” for without a healthy faith/spirit the mind and therefore the body can not possibly be healthy!

Another thing we have begun doing is praying out loud, while holding hands, together. I am so ashamed to admit that we never did that before. We both would pray silently of course in our own way but that pails in comparison to the power of prayer TOGETHER. Where two or more are gathered in my name I will be present!!!

Your Brother In Christ,

Hollow Ghost
 
ynotzap said:
Hollow Ghost:

Human nature is so afflicted by the consequences of original sin. Many people are not aware of this real condition and how it affects their behavior . You are rightly aware of Satan’s influence. His influence also effects you and your wife. If a person is not concerned or aware of the reality of a spiritual life then they become vulnerable to Satan’s influence who takes advantage of their spiritual weaknesses. We must be aware that without the grace of God we are literally and spiritually handicapped.

It appears you have a deeper spiritual life then your wife, and at the same time you both have to grow from whatever spiritual state you both find yourselves if God is to bless your lives further. Your wife made a serious human choice in her life, and a forgivable one even though it was very painful, there go I if not for the grace of God. You experienced a “dark night”. You were tried like Job, and you co-operated with God’s grace and remained faithful to Him. God tests us and exposes any false gods that we may have, if you gave up your faith and trust in God, then your wife becomes your false god, This didn’t happen Again if this situation didn’t happen in your and your wife’s life your wife would have remained on the outskirts of a true relationship with God and yourself. God used this situation to enrich both your lives with a truer love for each other and God. All things work for the good for those who love God.

Also receiving we must not act as if we haven’t received. It’s because you received the grace to remain faithful to God that He is healing both of you, Pray for each other. We in our married life are supplied the occasions for spiritual advancement, and by being faithful to God perfect each other,that is why marriage is a first rate vocation, not a second rate.one It was instituted by Christ to give grace and lead us in holiness, the purpose of our lives, union with God. So count your blessings, thank god for enriching your married life and confounding Satan who sought to destroy you and your wife. God bless you further.
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Dear Partner in Christ,

I am so glad that you also took the time to post! For the Glory of God I want to share “the rest of the story” with you and all those on these pages.

Your assessment of the two of our faith journeys was spot on accurate.

A little over 10 years ago, my father committed suicide. I was ANGRY with God for several years. In the end however, that single event brought out a gift of faith that I never dreamed possible. Without that faith, I could not have survived the very first day of what I am going through now, let alone the last 16 days. That event brought me back to my original, previously luke warm at best, part Catholic, part Protestant (didn’t really matter at the time) faith with a vengeance! The trauma of this event became a miracle in the deepening of my faith and the desire to impart that faith to my children.

The part I want to share with you now is that of my wife’s faith journey. She was raised as a Methodist, again with the “basics” but not really a DEEP faith; especially a deep enough faith to defend herself from the powers of Satan. We were married in her small Methodist church and we baptized our children there. To me, it was never that important.

For years, we “church shopped” and eventually came back to the Catholic Church due to having small children in diapers! Saturday evening service worked so much better. We have a wonderful Parrish that my wife and I enjoy attending. She has completely endorsed raising the children as Catholic and even sat through the First Communion classes for all FOUR of them since they were on nights where I was flying. I guess you could say that we had a “peaceful coexistence” as far as faith went: Very important for me, somewhat for her. I never felt a need to pressure her to convert but did get a sense that she may be heading that way herself.

Fast forward to now… She has told me that she wants to enter the Church (Praise be to God)! She wants to do this on her own fruition as well. She says she has learned that the entire family needs to be on the same level spiritually, that she wants to receive the Sacraments especially Reconciliation, and that she loves me and knows that it is important to me accepting her back. She wants to renew our vows in the Catholic church, as mature adults in full awareness of the SACRAMENT of Marriage and not just some starry eyed young lovers of the past. My counselor has even suggested some tailor-made pre-Cana marriage classes so that we can both be fully aware of God’s plan for the sacrament of marriage; she is on board with that as well.

As we sat in the Adoration Chapel the other night, I asked her what I believe to be the most important question to see if she is ready to enter the Church. I asked if she truly believed that the Holy Eucharist was indeed the true presence of the Risen Christ, fully alive, fully willing to enter and change our lives in ways we had no idea were possible to which she said she does!!! Praise be to God, but I now see this entire event as a miracle (albeit very painful). As you correctly observed, my wife was on the outskirts of a true relationship with God. I never dreamed of her converting, could never ask her to. This will be a gift from God that I don’t deserve yet again as the sinner that I am but will be forever grateful for.

Thank you all for walking though this painful, yet joyous time with me. I truly believe I am witnessing a miracle in my life.

Luke 15:7

“I tell you, in just the same way there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who have no need of repentance”.

Your Brother in Christ,

Hollow Ghost
 
Welcome Home my brother and sister in Christ, we all welcome you, and may the peace of Christ be with you always.👍
 
Dear Brother in Christ:

I’m very moved by your recent and not-so-recent experiences of trauma - your situation with your wife, and your father’s suicide. I suggest you explore the latter as well as the former in your counseling sessions because suicide of someone we admire/respect (I assume that, of course, but in any case it was your father) is a breach of trust on a profound level. Perhaps you withdrew from your wife, not intentionally, but out of fear of being vulnerable again to that kind of betrayal and loss. Your counselor can give you guidance and practical ways to heal from two enormous betrayals and traumatic losses.

You mention that you are a military man and you sound very strong and clear-thinking. But wounds require salve and healing in the strong and weak alike. Allow yourself time to heal - and I reiterate from BOTH traumas. Perhaps the first in some way lead to the second?

Bless you for forgiving your wife and desire to mend your family. I hope that you will find peace and learn to live with uncertainty and frailty. That is part of life and can bring us to greater trust in Our Lord.
 
Dear Brother in Christ,
God is so good isn’t HE? Through our suffering and trials, we can be saved and be tools to help others. If I had never gone through my journey (and the other readers who have responded too with their insights/words of wisdom) , I’d have never been able to “relate” to and pray with my whole heart for your situation - along with all struggling marriages. We are all an integral part of each others’ lives and He weaves us together to make a beautiful pattern! Yes, miracles happen! God makes the impossible - POSSIBLE.

Continue praying together ; as awkward as it may feel at first! It’s ok and it will get easier. Bless each other and your children (sign of cross on foreheads) when you leave home. My father did that with us as children (all 7 of us) and we do it with our children too (all 7 of us!). St. Michael prayer is what we pray as a family too!

Your journey is just beginning. Embrace your cross willingly (and even when you don’t want to - be obedient and do it anyway!) :o I will also be praying for your wife’s walk to becoming a Catholic. God Bless you and hope to hear more on your journey with God!
 
The fact that your wife told you about her sin means that she truly does love you despite her mistakes. She respected you enough to go through the hurtful confession. It hurts you to confess, but it also hurts her to confess!

She also showed that she believes you are a godly man who can give her the forgiveness that comes from above! She must believe that Jesus will heal you both, or whay would she go through a painfull confession?

Thanks for sharing your story and forgiving your wife. The beginning of wisdom is sorrow. You will grow closer to each other because God’s Holy Spirit has brought you through the coals of rejecting and forgiving mistakes.

God Bless you both
 
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