Please pray for a very devastated man

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rcwitness said:
The fact that your wife told you about her sin means that she truly does love you despite her mistakes. She respected you enough to go through the hurtful confession. It hurts you to confess, but it also hurts her to confess!

She also showed that she believes you are a godly man who can give her the forgiveness that comes from above! She must believe that Jesus will heal you both, or whay would she go through a painfull confession?

Thanks for sharing your story and forgiving your wife. The beginning of wisdom is sorrow. You will grow closer to each other because God’s Holy Spirit has brought you through the coals of rejecting and forgiving mistakes.

God Bless you both
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Dear rcwirness,

Thank you so much for the kind words. I thought the same thing but it’s good to hear what others think since my mind is a roller coaster of wild emotions. I sense the power of the Holy Spirit beginning some truly amazing work; I just need to continue through the lows that Satan keeps sending my way. I have lost 16 lbs in as many days. This isn’t easy but if it is the vehicle God is using to save the soul of my wife than it will have been worth it. Give me the strength to carry this cross (and to quit throwing up every morning would be nice too!). Trying to muster what’s left of my sense of humor…

Your Brother in Christ who strengthens me,

Hollow Ghost
 
Obsessive thoughts can put any man through a lot of pain and misery, and one who is suffering a tragic but not hopeless situation because Jesus Christ is there to cure and heal, we can expect physical upsets. Healthy distraction is one natural remedy coupled with a trust in God. Physical exercise, and occupation doing things simple is good mental hygiene, especially in a tense situations. Stress can reap havoc,and it is a common experience. One has to learn to let go and let God. Face the fear, accept it, float with the tide, and let time pass. Acceptance takes the sting out of it, and reduces the adrenalyn that comes with shock. Ask God for the spirit of trust, and relaxation in Jesus’ name. I feel sure your physical upset will subside.
 
I will give you the best advice i can, in life we all have to go through some sort of darkness, sometimes the cross of it is heavy like yours is, or light and unnoticable like others are, another example is that when you use manure on plants to help them grow, they may look bad at first but after they will look even better than before and very healthy and strong, thats whats happening for you right now, god is permitting this evil in your life either because he wants you to stregthen you through pain and suffering, or maybe just after this you guys will become even closer as a couple, my point is the blessed virgin mary always had this thing happen to her in her life, when her son was a baby he knew he would be killed later, but she still trust in him, he was gone for 3 days and was frantic during those days but after she found him. Therefore her faith grew, just know that every cloudy dark night has another day ahead of it, always read the scriptures and ask god to spread is divine love and mercy over you and sometimes what makes me feel better is that i ask jesus and mary to stand by my sides and hold my hands and all of the sudden i feel my grief no matter how heavy fly away, What god loves in an individual is childlike trust, do your best to achieve this, I will pray for you guys and I hope you both can get through this so an even greater good will come to ‘bloom’

Bless you both, -marco
 
Ilovejesus1234 said:
I will give you the best advice i can, in life we all have to go through some sort of darkness, sometimes the cross of it is heavy like yours is, or light and unnoticable like others are, another example is that when you use manure on plants to help them grow, they may look bad at first but after they will look even better than before and very healthy and strong, thats whats happening for you right now, god is permitting this evil in your life either because he wants you to stregthen you through pain and suffering, or maybe just after this you guys will become even closer as a couple, my point is the blessed virgin mary always had this thing happen to her in her life, when her son was a baby he knew he would be killed later, but she still trust in him, he was gone for 3 days and was frantic during those days but after she found him. Therefore her faith grew, just know that every cloudy dark night has another day ahead of it, always read the scriptures and ask god to spread is divine love and mercy over you and sometimes what makes me feel better is that i ask jesus and mary to stand by my sides and hold my hands and all of the sudden i feel my grief no matter how heavy fly away, What god loves in an individual is childlike trust, do your best to achieve this, I will pray for you guys and I hope you both can get through this so an even greater good will come to ‘bloom’

Bless you both, -marco
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Dear Marco,

Thank you for your reply. I am going to begin a 30 devotion to the Blessed Mother tomorrow, I need her help more than ever. Yesterday and today were DARK for me. I spent 11 hours in the car listening to the Catholic Channel mostly but I realized I don’t want to be alone right now. I just got so angry! Today I was still angry but I made it to daily Mass and literally felt the Holy Spirit remove the anger and bitterness!!! That was great up until our counseling session this evening (this one was a bit contentious).

Afterwards, we decided to take our kids to the local high school football game which was nice. My wife asked me to rub her back but all I could think of was how could she have done what she did, who initiated it, etc. I had to excuse myself to go vomit. I see the miracle unfolding before my eyes with regard to my wife’s deepening faith but I am seriously doubting my ability to carry this Cross much longer. I don’t know how much more strengthening by pain and suffering I can take.

I know these doubts and this anger is coming from Satan but my thoughts just won’t go away. Please all continue to pray for me and I will pray for all of you and your families as well.

Your Brother in Christ,

Hollow Ghost
 
HollowGhost said:
Dear Marco,

Thank you for your reply. I am going to begin a 30 devotion to the Blessed Mother tomorrow, I need her help more than ever. Yesterday and today were DARK for me. I spent 11 hours in the car listening to the Catholic Channel mostly but I realized I don’t want to be alone right now. I just got so angry! Today I was still angry but I made it to daily Mass and literally felt the Holy Spirit remove the anger and bitterness!!! That was great up until our counseling session this evening (this one was a bit contentious).

Afterwards, we decided to take our kids to the local high school football game which was nice. My wife asked me to rub her back but all I could think of was how could she have done what she did, who initiated it, etc. I had to excuse myself to go vomit. I see the miracle unfolding before my eyes with regard to my wife’s deepening faith but I am seriously doubting my ability to carry this Cross much longer. I don’t know how much more strengthening by pain and suffering I can take.

I know these doubts and this anger is coming from Satan but my thoughts just won’t go away. Please all continue to pray for me and I will pray for all of you and your families as well.

Your Brother in Christ,

Hollow Ghost
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Do the devotion you won’t regret any of it, it changed my whole life, also just pray the divine mercy chaplet or rosary and especially consider the sorrowful mysteries, and reflect and remember that even though jesus felt abandoned in the garden he didnt give up, even though he was tortured with whips until his bones broke, even though he was insulted and spit on, which would probably make a grown man feel like nothing he did not give up, even though he held his cross, dying, bleeding, with a fever, splitting wounds, stone dry mouth, broken bones and again almost dying he did not give up with his cross and even though he died on the cross with agonizing emotional, spiritual and physical pain for 3 hours he didnt give up he couldve gotten down from the cross but didnt, consider this, consider that he did all this for YOU, and only you, thats alot of love right there, because its true, in the same way you also help him in co redemption with souls around the world, you help convert and withdrawl gods wrath on unrepentent ungrateful sinful souls by holding on to your cross and being crucified with him, all things happen for a reason just be hopeful and patient and wait for the light at the end of the tunnel. it will come, if it means anything i go through worse everyday. But jesus’s sorrowful passion pushes me foward and makes the devil seem like an ant, that god sustains for you so an even greater good will come out of it.
 
Ask your wife how did she find herself living with you. Were you always right, were you dominant, were your standards too high for her to reach. Did she find you critical, a perfectionist. Could she ever do right by you? Did she find you charitable, understanding, did she feel like she could talk to you and that you would regard her opinions. Can you dialogue with her, did she experience frustration with you? We must ask God to shed His light into the darkest recesses of our souls. I was amazed at what I found, after trying so hard to live a Christian life. Do we really listen to our spouses and empathize, and sympathize with them? Can you come together on these matters without arguing, or letting our feelings take over? Can we seek to understand each other, make allowances in charity? Can we really forgive, and counter our negative thoughts. Can we love unconditionally and trust in God and not ultimately in ourselves? It’s called “soul searching”
 
Just a note Hollow, you said the words “I forgive you”, but in your heart you have not done so. It takes a LONG time for that. New boundaries will need to be set and a healing process needs to be worked through with your counselor. You may be able to forgive her in some time, but understand that it hasn’t happened yet. I’m sorry this happened to you.I wish I could give you a hug, but an animated emotion will have to do :hug1:
 
homemakermommie said:
Hope you are healing and are continuing your journey in your marriage. Just came across this article and thought it might be a good read for you. Still in my prayers!

catholictherapists.com/i-want-to-forgive-but-i-still-have-pain.html
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Hello Homemaker and everyone else who have been so supportive. I have not been on here in several weeks and wanted to update all of you. I have made great progress and was a little afraid to get back on here for fear of “picking scabs” or re-inventing my pain. I went back and read all of your posts as well as mine and realized what a blessing all of you have been!

I feel as though I have been through a miracle and re-reading the posts here only confirm my thoughts. I still hurt and probably will for years but through God’s grace, I am still here and my marriage and family are still intact. I have seen things in the last three months that I never thought possible.

Where to begin? Well, my wife followed through on her pledge to become Catholic!!! I set up her first Reconciliation (NOT at our home Parrish!). The priest I chose is wonderful. I told him about our situation during my confession and he agreed to meet with us by appointment one Sunday. He then proceeded to kind of grill my wife! I thought, “uh-oh, this is not what I was expecting…”. He then made it clear where he was going by making it very clear to my wife that she needs to be converting for her; not for me, the marriage, or any other reason other than her being ready for her. When she unequivocally stated that she was ready, I was kicked out of the office and my wife performed her first reconciliation!
 
homemakermommie said:
Hope you are healing and are continuing your journey in your marriage. Just came across this article and thought it might be a good read for you. Still in my prayers!

catholictherapists.com/i-want-to-forgive-but-i-still-have-pain.html
Click to expand...
Hello Homemaker and everyone else who have been so supportive. I have not been on here in several weeks and wanted to update all of you. I have made great progress and was a little afraid to get back on here for fear of “picking scabs” or re-inventing my pain. I went back and read all of your posts as well as mine and realized what a blessing all of you have been!

I feel as though I have been through a miracle and re-reading the posts here only confirm my thoughts. I still hurt and probably will for years but through God’s grace, I am still here and my marriage and family are still intact. I have seen things in the last three months that I never thought possible.

Where to begin? Well, my wife followed through on her pledge to become Catholic!!! I set up her first Reconciliation (NOT at our home Parrish!). The priest I chose is wonderful. I told him about our situation during my confession and he agreed to meet with us by appointment one Sunday. He then proceeded to kind of grill my wife! I thought, “uh-oh, this is not what I was expecting…”. He then made it clear where he was going by making it very clear to my wife that she needs to be converting for her; not for me, the marriage, or any other reason other than her being ready for her. When she unequivocally stated that she was ready, I was kicked out of the office and my wife performed her first reconciliation!

More to follow, my fat fingers just deleted half my post…

HollowGhost
 
Anyways, I’m back. So my wife emerged from her first Reconciliation just beaming with the joy of God’s grace and forgiveness. She loved the experience and sees what a true blessing it is.

Several weeks later, I experienced one of the greatest days of my life when my wife came into the Catholic Church! She received the Sacrament of the Eucharist as well as the Sacrament of Confirmation. To experience the power of God’s saving grace and the power of the Holy Spirit while I had my hand on my wife’s shoulder as her sponsor was one of the best experiences of my life; I was literally hovering for the rest of the day, filled with God’s Holy Spirit.

A few weeks after that, my wife and I participated in a Catholic Worldwide Marriage Encounter Weekend. If you have never done so, please do. That was one of the most “spiritually intimate” things we have ever done; highly rewarding.

We have also been attending Catholic marriage councilling as well as personal councilling for myself and have made incredible progress. Here’s the most amazing part: On December 18th, we will be renewing our vows and having our marriage blessed in the Catholic Church! Just three months ago, I would have never thought any of this possible. Quite frankly, I was spiritually immature and my wife was not Catholic. We are taking this VERY seriously and have even been taking pre-Cana classes (obviously tailored to a couple with children who have been married for 23 years). We have learned how lucky we were to have gotten this far but also of God’s amazing plan for marriage; we have missed out on so much!

You see, we never prayed together. We never did much praying at home (the domestic church!), and were married in the Protestant church. I am ashamed to admit that as a cradle Catholic, I did not realize the importance of marriage as Sacrament. We are about ready to beecome Sacrament; as holy as the Sacrament of the Euchraist! Please continue to pray for us because I still experience hurt and fully expect Satan to increase his spiritual warfare attacks on my heart up until the 18th. I have so much more to share with you all about what I have learned; will try and share more this weekend. God bless all of you and praise be to God.

Your Brother in Christ,

HollowGhost
 
I have over the years come to a deeper appreciation of my wife. She was committed to me and the children, and served us with love for many years, I often gave her a hard time,because of my own limitations and failures, but I know it was hard for her a times, and she always bounced back with a smile, and forgiveness. I reflect from time to time the internal beauty of a person, the dedication, the sacrifice, the gentleness, and even the humor and acceptance of faults, and even sins. I can see the beauty that God has placed in a person and it causes one to realize how gifted he or she really is to be married to a person who has virtue, even holiness. I see very clearly what having God as the center of our marriage has done. I thank Him for her, and I kiss the hands that served me so many years, healing hands, loving hands. I think they call it “conjugal love” like fine wine, it gets better with age! So here’s to you Hollow Ghost, may God give you this experience, and also to your wife!👍
 
So many beautiful and inspiring posts! God is great! If you haven’t already, check out The Divine Mercy Chaplet. Absolutely beautiful! Through God’s mercy anything is possible. His mercy is teaching and touching me in my life and it is such a beautiful gift!
Prayers
 
Wow. You really do sound like you had been devastated. 😦

I don’t know whether or not this has been mentioned, but there are examples of couples who have been through your experience and survived.

The one that comes to mind is the wife & husband team behind Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. (wife & husband instead of husband & wife because she was the founder and ran the company). She had an affair, but he forgave her, and they are living happily ever after. They are not Catholic but they relied heavily on their faith to carry them through. ( Being from Lancaster County with a name like Beiler, I’m 99.9% sure they’re Mennonite or Amish).

They wrote a book about it, “Twist of Fate.”

Being fabulously wealthy probably didn’t hurt, either.
 
on_the_hill said:
Wow. You really do sound like you had been devastated. 😦

I don’t know whether or not this has been mentioned, but there are examples of couples who have been through your experience and survived.

The one that comes to mind is the wife & husband team behind Auntie Anne’s Pretzels. (wife & husband instead of husband & wife because she was the founder and ran the company). She had an affair, but he forgave her, and they are living happily ever after. They are not Catholic but they relied heavily on their faith to carry them through. ( Being from Lancaster County with a name like Beiler, I’m 99.9% sure they’re Mennonite or Amish).

They wrote a book about it, “Twist of Fate.”

Being fabulously wealthy probably didn’t hurt, either.
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Have never heard of that book but will order today, thanks. When you go through this you can not imagine how difficult it is but through God’s grace, it appears that we will not only survive but thrive! God’s ways are not ours; I wish he chose a different way to get our attention but now that the darkest days have passed, I see a miracle in the making and the absolute GENIUS of God’s plan. Wow!

HollowGhost
 
wild_thing said:
A Marriage Prayer

Dear Wild Thing,

Having a bit of a rough day, self pity party and just re-read this. It is absolutely beautiful and just what I needed TODAY; thank you for posting and please keep my wife and I in your prayers. Things are going remarkably well all things considering but I fear that the pain I feel will haunt me for the rest of my life…

Your Brother in Christ,

HollowGhost

P.S.- Originally from Ohio, Go Bucks! 🙂
Dear most caring, loving and understanding God, You are already aware of all my marriage problems, worries and pain I am about to take to You in prayer right at this blessed moment. Father God, I have tried my best and have done all that I could possibly do to try and resolved all the issues that have led to this present status of my marriage.

At this point, there is nothing else I can do, so I surrender everything to You! I sincerely plead for your divine intervention! Please take matters in your hands, and do what You have to do to fix my marriage.

Forgive me for the things I have done or unconsciously done that have contributed to this present state of my marriage. If there is anything I should have done at any point and have not done, or should have been doing and haven’t been doing, God please forgive me.

Father I know that I am far from being perfect, for this reason, I must admit that I am not blameless. Talk to me, show me what I have to do. Give me the wisdom, knowledge and understanding I need to play my part, day by day.

Touch the heart of my partner, and open up his/her eyes dear Lord. Talk to him/her in a special way so that he/she may obey and be willing to meet me half-way. You know what exactly have changed the once loving, caring and understanding person I have initially married.

The person I stood beside in your Sanctuary in holy matrimony and make my vows to remain with for richer or poorer, and through sickness. The person I have pledged to remain with until death.

Father God, I believe in You and so I trust in You to take care of all my marriage problems. There is no favor too big to ask of You. I know that all I have to do when I pray, is to surrender everything to You and just have the faith to believe You are going to help me save my marriage. I know it has to be done your way and at a time chosen only by You – so choose your own time and have it your own way great, merciful Jesus. Thank You God. Amen!
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CatholicGuy31 said:
I believe that saving a marriage is worth any amount of effort. Your strength and conviction during this very difficult time is very inspiring particularly to those of us considering a marriage vocation.

I will pray that you continue in this positive direction. Please keep us updated if you can.
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Hello CatholicGuy31,

Will do. Go to my thread entitled “Miracles in the making” from December 18th for a nice update. Please continue to pray for my wife and I. Things going good but there are days of pain and hurt that may always be there.

Your Brother in Christ,

HollowGhost
 
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