B
BoyGenius
Guest
First I want to say that there are people who suffer terribly worse than I do. I am constantly aware of how many abused children are out there. And abused people being exploited. People suffer torture, and often killed through the extremes. I am aware that there are people who suffer all kinds of illnesses. And none I suffer measure to the degree what those people feel and go through everyday. So I cannot complain too much. But, upon my own awful upbringing, my past, and my filled with mistakes and fallen actions that I willfully done. And now I am older, which is no help. I suffer from fatigue and exhaustion more so. But also a saddening heart.
To give some background, my ambition and ideals of romance, love. My life, though, took another turn, another way. And it’s conflicts have ever defeated my heart. The idea’s, dreams, and fantasies I develop since the time of my youth, just cannot/never coincide in society or the world in general. Because, my heart wants to relive and think back. Trying at what I didn’t do. Or do again what I failed at. But, when I stare in the mirror, the haunting affects of my age settle my youthful spirit away. And so my dreams, fantasies come to an end. And I got nothing. Aging has no mercy. I am not against aging. But I am against the backdrop of fallen world, many things which happened to me I was not in control of. And ruined my youth. The affects of aging unfortunately determined by them. And now I carry the affects of them.
I want to be young again, be somehow romantic. I want to be youthful and chivalrous. But not in a mature understanding either. I wish I could age again. Start over again. Not aging on the terms of society, the world, and sin. But in revolt to the world, society, and sin which has espoused so many of the pitfalls and evils surrounding me. Because the world, my parents let me down. I can only ask for a miracle and a prayer. I honestly feel I am entitled to have what I beg and ask for. Because it was taken away from in my childhood. And I should have the right of even a miracle to be able to live again, but better, purer, and blessed. I may fall. But I know I will get up again, and try again. Going to Confession and receiving Jesus in Mass. I know my heart is at. I know my ambitions, dreams, hopes, and desires. Christ knows them too. I also know how I cannot stand looking in the mirror any longer. I know that I should be preserved for a girl in the way I have perceived my whole life. And not someone that i will not have the ambition, dream, hope, and desire to fall in love. To give my all for.
To give some background, my ambition and ideals of romance, love. My life, though, took another turn, another way. And it’s conflicts have ever defeated my heart. The idea’s, dreams, and fantasies I develop since the time of my youth, just cannot/never coincide in society or the world in general. Because, my heart wants to relive and think back. Trying at what I didn’t do. Or do again what I failed at. But, when I stare in the mirror, the haunting affects of my age settle my youthful spirit away. And so my dreams, fantasies come to an end. And I got nothing. Aging has no mercy. I am not against aging. But I am against the backdrop of fallen world, many things which happened to me I was not in control of. And ruined my youth. The affects of aging unfortunately determined by them. And now I carry the affects of them.
I want to be young again, be somehow romantic. I want to be youthful and chivalrous. But not in a mature understanding either. I wish I could age again. Start over again. Not aging on the terms of society, the world, and sin. But in revolt to the world, society, and sin which has espoused so many of the pitfalls and evils surrounding me. Because the world, my parents let me down. I can only ask for a miracle and a prayer. I honestly feel I am entitled to have what I beg and ask for. Because it was taken away from in my childhood. And I should have the right of even a miracle to be able to live again, but better, purer, and blessed. I may fall. But I know I will get up again, and try again. Going to Confession and receiving Jesus in Mass. I know my heart is at. I know my ambitions, dreams, hopes, and desires. Christ knows them too. I also know how I cannot stand looking in the mirror any longer. I know that I should be preserved for a girl in the way I have perceived my whole life. And not someone that i will not have the ambition, dream, hope, and desire to fall in love. To give my all for.