Thanks for saving me the effort of writing this, to which I will add one thing.I think 1ke’s advice is pretty good. You need to seek some counseling. The way you put so much weight on a relationship that was actually pretty brief and not all that deep, the way you rationalize and explain every single thing that happened and why you intended it, and the fact that it bothered you enough to ask about it on a public forum. All of that adds up to the need for someone objective who is qualified to help you sort through these things. Very likely, they show that there are some underlying issues that probably need to be addressed.
You are in my prayers.
-Fr ACEGC
You are absolutely wrong and presuming a lot about my interior motives. I wanted him to stop popping up after I had 4gotten him. Then after he gave me excuses I got sucked back into hoping for more (as usual). I find your assumptions quite uncharitable, to be frank.Your text telling him you were deleting him was manipulative. You didn’t really want to delete him. You wanted him to apologize profusely and ask you out.
You did this after only a few days of knowing him. Do you not see this as completely inappropriate and odd behavior?For example, in the text telling him I’d deleted his contacts, I was very cordial and simply told him that it was plain he wasn’t interested in having conversations, and that was my own interest, so it didn’t make sense to keep in touch that way. I just meant: we are not trying to get to know each other…at all. So what’s the point?
It was only a few days. YES, 11 days is a few days. It might take him several weeks to text you. He might have been very busy over the holidays. But you cut that off by having totally weird and out of proportion reactions to him.if there’s no attempt to talk, I tend to see it as “wasting my time” territory.
Yes.Maybe I really just need to get comfortable waiting,
First, do you really use such “text speak”? I’m sorry, but doesn’t a 30 year old have something more to say?but I think it’s very hard when some deliberately makes himself scarce right when you pose a simple q: For example, 'What u been up to urself?" after asking n receiving my answer, then disappears.
Actually I don’t really think there was any drama on his part. I think there was drama on your part.The rest of the drama only happened after that, in like 3 days.
No, he gave me his number and I gave him mine. Then he started texting me on my phone. I had to tell him to stop because he kept popping back up. Ignoring wasn’t working. I’d come around to starting to put him out of my mind then he’d pop up again. That’s what I wanted to stop when I sent him that pm after deleting his number.You gave him your number. He gave you his. You texted a few times. Then you send him the above in a text?
You didn’t need to delete his contacts at all. And you certainly didn’t need to send him a text telling him you were deleting him. Simply stop texting. If he wasn’t interested, that would be the end of it.
And instead of believing him, when he took the time to give an explanation-- which he didn’t owe you-- you came back with not believing him. “So I cheekily asked him that with a smiley.” Not cheeky, creepy. You were not believing him and calling him out over text. That is not appropriate. And it was probably sending off a vibe that made him even more leery of texting with you.Because he responded with explanations that were even more bizzare to me and I didn’t pretend to believe them. Like the last one on Christmas eve he sent me a text at 1 am in the morning, saying he had driven all the way to his hometown hundreds of miles away, and that it was “an example of the busyness” he was telling me about that doesn’t allow him to respond quickly.
Well after all of that, he probably isn’t interested in getting to know you. Text isn’t the greatest medium to start with. And I’d have no idea if you said “in a normal way” to me.Then I realized we were arguing via pm and it was weird, so I told him he should focus on his family for the holidays and he knew where to find me in future if he was interested in getting to know me in a normal way i.e. through having conversations.
Wow. Is this how it is over here when people open up about their problems? This is all very interesting to see. I was taking your advise well but now it seems you too just want to stick that heel of judgment in.These interactions do seem awfully juvenile for a person in their 30s.
Ok, so now you say is WAS texting you. When before you said he wasn’t. Or he was taking too long. Or… ?No, he gave me his number and I gave him mine. Then he started texting me on my phone. I had to tell him to stop because he kept popping back up. Ignoring wasn’t working. I’d come around to starting to put him out of my mind then he’d pop up again. That’s what I wanted to stop when I sent him that pm after deleting his number.
No, i’m saying that at your age (30s) you should be able to clear up communication issues-- call the guy, whatever- and not play these text games. And, if this is how many of your social interactions go, you definitely can benefit from some outside, objective assistance from a trusted friend or counselor.Wow. Is this how it is over here when people open up about their problems? This is all very interesting to see. I was taking your advise well but now it seems you too just want to stick that heel of judgment in.