Please pray for me!

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sbriton

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I need prayers to help get me back to the Church! I fell away about a year ago, during Lent in 2009. I haven’t been back to Mass since. I know I need to talk with a priest, go to Confession, etc. but I just don’t have the will to do that. I have a long history of addiction to porn & masterbation which has left me feeling totally worthless. It has damaged my feelings for my wife and our marriage (altho she also her own sexual baggage that has contributed to our lukewarm marriage). I don’t like people in general and almost always utter words of contempt at people I encounter who I feel offend me in some way (cut off in traffic, near misses on my bicycle, blocking store aisles and not allowing me to pass thru, etc). I’ve grown very pessimistic and keep fantasizing about a happier life. I’m doing things to get involved with the community and really enjoy those activities but it’s just not enough. I basically think every else is a idiot and inhibiting my quality of life. I can’t even consider going back to Mass until I can resolve these feelings because I see plenty to tick me off at Mass too! I used to be such a happy-go-lucky person but now in my 40’s I feel it all slipping away. Last night I had a dream that I desecrated a church and even tried to convert people to satanism!! I woke up appalled and really scared for my soul!!

I don’t want to continue this way but just don’t have the will to seek help outside of this type of forum.

So, please pray for me!!!

Simon
 
Simon,

Sounds like you might need a little counselling as well as prayers. I’m praying for you.
 
Simon, you don’t have to be holy and charitable to come back to the Church! The Church, the Sacraments are there with the graces to help you to heal and grow as a loving human person.

You seem to dislike yourself because of your failures, and it shows in negative behaviour, which isn’t very surprising. Jesus did tell us to “love others as you love yourself”. If we don’t like ourselves, we find it difficult to love others! It doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. I does show you’re under a lot of pressure from yourself. My husband used to be as negative and cranky as you appear to be as he put a huge amount of pressure on himself and ended up with a complete stress breakdown.

You need to take a very practical approach to the porn issue, figure ways of eliminating it from your life, but you do need the help of the Sacraments. Please don’t be deterred from going to Confession. Please don’t be weighed down by shame. You’ll be far from the first to go to a priest with these issues. "I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. Luke 15:7. And the priest will share that joy. Tell him how long it’s been since you came, and he’ll help you through.

I guess you’ve some habits to break, and that usually takes time. And please don’t beat yourself up internally if you fail again. It can take time to re-train your thoughts and reactions. That’s commonsense. But I hope and pray you’ll find your way back to Confession, to the Sacraments soon.
Take care of yourself, love, Trishie
 
PRAYER FOR FAITH
Lord, I believe:
I wish to believe in Thee.
Lord, let my faith be full and unreserved,
and let it penetrate my thought,
my way of judging Divine things and human things.
Lord, let my faith be joyful
and give peace and gladness to my spirit,
and dispose it for prayer with God
and conversation with men,
so that the inner bliss of its fortunate possession
may shine forth in sacred and secular conversation.
Lord, let my faith be humble and not presume
to be based on the experience of my thought and of my feeling;
but let it surrender to the testimony of the Holy Spirit,
and not have any better guarantee than in docility to Tradition
and to the authority of the magisterium of the Holy Church.
Amen.

POPE PAUL VI
 
Lord, please help Simon to meet with a priest to confess his sins ASAP. He’s been away from you for far too long and needs you and your graces to get out of this problem he is in. Please help him to get help for his addiction…Catholic Answers has an advertisement that often gets displayed at the top or bottom of their home page…Please help Simon to look for it and respond to the ad. May he put up with other people’s shortcomings by turning to you when he starts to get very angry; may he not be surprised when other people fail or fall; and may he be edified by any virtue these people seem to display. In this - St. Therese would say - is found perfect charity. Simon is very honest with his feelings and this is a very great grace. Please help him to be honest with a spiritual director (a priest) who can help him conquer his anger, addictions, and his contempt of difficult individuals. I know Simon can be healed. He’s honest and sincere…help him find a good priest to give him spiritual direction and help him break free from these unhealthy habits. You are the Divine Physician and a spiritual director will be a doctor of his soul. May you and a good priest help Simon find peace and true happiness and bring him to the life you want for him, filled with the joy of being a faithful child of yours. Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayer. Amen.
 
Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
 
Thank you all so much for your prayers and words of encouragement! Your kind and non-judgmental advice is greatly appreciated. I resolved last night to seek out a Catholic councilor as I feel this would be a more direct way to get to the root of my problems and get on the track to recovery. Once I stop hating myself and everyone else around me I’ll go to confession and Mass and find a good spiritual director. I used to have one years ago who helped me greatly. And I know the sacraments are truly effective. I used to go to daily Mass and confession every week and was pretty happy for awhile. I guess the lack of any true recovery just made it all seem useless after several years of trying to change my ways.

Again, your kind and thoughtful words make me feel a bit like part of the family again.

Blessings to you all,

Simon
 
tbcrawford said:
PRAYER FOR FAITH
Lord, I believe:
I wish to believe in Thee.
Lord, let my faith be full and unreserved,
and let it penetrate my thought,
my way of judging Divine things and human things.
Lord, let my faith be joyful
and give peace and gladness to my spirit,
and dispose it for prayer with God
and conversation with men,
so that the inner bliss of its fortunate possession
may shine forth in sacred and secular conversation.
Lord, let my faith be humble and not presume
to be based on the experience of my thought and of my feeling;
but let it surrender to the testimony of the Holy Spirit,
and not have any better guarantee than in docility to Tradition
and to the authority of the magisterium of the Holy Church.
Amen.

POPE PAUL VI
Click to expand...
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen.
 
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