I (and many others here) feel what you are going through penguinchicky. I had a horrible night last night and most of the day. I came here at about 2 this morning and got some great encouragement, prayers and Love. I’ve been on this A&D ride for 20 years and I will tell you - even when it seems darkest, God will pull you through in His Mercy.
AND…20 years ago I wish I had the people here at Catholic Answers to pray for me and share their experiences with me when it all started! You have this great group of people here who will pray for you, with you, and share the Love of Christ. Keep praying, keep pushing through and keep coming back. You’re not alone. May God hold you in His warm embrace and comfort you.