M
MSJoan
Guest
It is with much difficulty that I respond to this post…….A few years ago, a family member was watching our 16 month old son when she became distracted and didn’t realize a 16 month old could open the heavy door that usually sticks closed. Minutes later she found our son in the pond. He liked to feed the fish. Despite bystander CPR, rapid EMS response and transport, and heroic efforts by all, including the hospital staff, this beautiful gift of God went home to the Lord who lent him to us for this all too brief period. Here’s a glimpse into the life of a parent whose child suddenly dies:
While I was at the ER watching the resuscitation effort, the family member was being interrogated by the police. The police allowed the priest in to the scene. But access from others was restricted.
After our son died, his body was evidence. The police also watched my every move until the coroner took possession of him. I refused to leave the room when the evidence technician came and was the one to turn him side to side for all the pictures. My husband had to drive 1 ½ hours home from a business trip, after being told what happened to his son.
The funeral home needed to know our son’s height and weight – so they could order the correct casket. I didn’t realize there are many “child sizes”………And how does one choose an appropriate outfit for a dead child to wear forever……and don’t forget the diaper, State law required he be buried in one.
The coroner called to say the autopsy was completed and my child was perfectly healthy. She was very kind and compassionate, but all I could think of was….except he’s dead!
The news media wants to talk to the grieving parents, family and neighbors. Fortunately, friends were able to run interference and make this a “non-story”, but I know others who have been hounded by the press, only to see their interview turn into a “what the parents did wrong” story.
Then there are the toys, the clothes, questions of siblings and other children, the engraved Christmas cards waiting to be addressed, the Christmas gifts purchased……
What does it feel like……imagine someone came up to you, and without anesthesia, reached into your chest, ripped your heart out, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and walked away without so much as a word. You can pick up the pieces and try to put them back together, but there will always be scars in the macerated flesh that may burst open at any time. And this pain happens before the well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning comments of others.
There was enough grief, pain, blame and loss to last a lifetime that day and in the days that followed. My family has survived. Unlike many parents whose children die, my husband and I did not separate. Healing came through the prayers of others and faith. Through the intercession of our Mother of Sorrows, the Lord comforted us and sent others to be there when we needed them.
Bottom line, none of us were there when this freak accident happened. And even those of us in similar circumstances can’t know exactly what this mother and family are feeling. What I do know is they need our prayers; as do the police, rescue crews, and others who were there. Prayers for healing, self-forgiveness, forgiveness of others, and acceptance of this occurrance as a cross they have to bear. And while you are at it, hug your children and tell them how much you love them.
Peace:angel1:
While I was at the ER watching the resuscitation effort, the family member was being interrogated by the police. The police allowed the priest in to the scene. But access from others was restricted.
After our son died, his body was evidence. The police also watched my every move until the coroner took possession of him. I refused to leave the room when the evidence technician came and was the one to turn him side to side for all the pictures. My husband had to drive 1 ½ hours home from a business trip, after being told what happened to his son.
The funeral home needed to know our son’s height and weight – so they could order the correct casket. I didn’t realize there are many “child sizes”………And how does one choose an appropriate outfit for a dead child to wear forever……and don’t forget the diaper, State law required he be buried in one.
The coroner called to say the autopsy was completed and my child was perfectly healthy. She was very kind and compassionate, but all I could think of was….except he’s dead!
The news media wants to talk to the grieving parents, family and neighbors. Fortunately, friends were able to run interference and make this a “non-story”, but I know others who have been hounded by the press, only to see their interview turn into a “what the parents did wrong” story.
Then there are the toys, the clothes, questions of siblings and other children, the engraved Christmas cards waiting to be addressed, the Christmas gifts purchased……
What does it feel like……imagine someone came up to you, and without anesthesia, reached into your chest, ripped your heart out, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and walked away without so much as a word. You can pick up the pieces and try to put them back together, but there will always be scars in the macerated flesh that may burst open at any time. And this pain happens before the well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning comments of others.
There was enough grief, pain, blame and loss to last a lifetime that day and in the days that followed. My family has survived. Unlike many parents whose children die, my husband and I did not separate. Healing came through the prayers of others and faith. Through the intercession of our Mother of Sorrows, the Lord comforted us and sent others to be there when we needed them.
Bottom line, none of us were there when this freak accident happened. And even those of us in similar circumstances can’t know exactly what this mother and family are feeling. What I do know is they need our prayers; as do the police, rescue crews, and others who were there. Prayers for healing, self-forgiveness, forgiveness of others, and acceptance of this occurrance as a cross they have to bear. And while you are at it, hug your children and tell them how much you love them.
Peace:angel1:
) Through personal and professional experiences, I’ve seen the emotional trauma police officers, rescuers and healthcare workers endure in these situations. They have to put the parents through the gruelling investigation, recognizing the trauma to the parents if indeed all occurred as the parents stated. But they also can’t let a crime go unpunished. My experience with the police was minor compared to other parents I’ve known. One had Child Protective Services threaten to take her other children. Ultimately, they found there was no fault on the part of the parents - it was just a terrible accident.