Hi Miss Mary Mack,
I’m so sorry to read the updates of how things are going in your marriage. Please know, that even though I didn’t make it to the 30 minute response you were hoping for, God, being outside of time can apply our prayers to your circumstance, even if we are late in praying.
I pray that you have the love necessary to act with prudence and wisdom through this crisis in your marriage. I pray that you hold your tongue when necessary and speak only when you can radiate the love of Christ.
Christ’s love was not accepting of any behavior, while he foregave and healed, he also asked that those whom he helped go forth and sin no more. You may not be able to heal your husbands childhood wounds or forgive his sins in the way only Christ can do, but you can forgive the many times he has, is and will hurt you through his inability to step up and be the husband you believed him to be when you first married.
You can begin to heal your own hurt at the loss of what you expected this marriage to be, and come to terms with the fact that this is what it is. What aspect of your marriage is something special and worthwhile? Is there anything in that small part of your marriage worth honoring?
I’m so sorry that this disrespectful priest has continued to play a role in your marriage. What a sad situation. I pray that you can find it in yourself to even forgive the offenses against you by this priest and your husband as they both broke your trust in them.
I am not in any way suggesting they are right and you are wrong. I am not suggesting that the marriage you have fits the model of a “good and healthy” relationship. But it is your marriage, and in the eyes of the Church, if you were validly married, then you are validly married and no man can put it assunder, not even you or your husband, till death do you part.
You want a father in your sons life, so do what you can to forgive even the unforgivable (assuming that neither you nor your son are in physical or possibly even psychological danger).
I’m probably going to be flamed for suggesting that you find a way to live with “an intolerable” marriage. But this is what marriage is, sometimes it is simply intolerable. Our vows don’t say “in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, unless it becomes intolerable, till death do us part.”
But everything in our culture tells us we need to aspire to have the perfect marriage that fills all our needs and that we should be wonderfully in love with a spouse who treats us wonderfully. Well, we don’t all get that. And this false expectation is what leads to so many divorced people leading lives that are no happier than when the were in unhappy marriages and they have inflicted this pain and suffering on their children who shuttle between two broken homes, with each parent striving to independantly support a seperate household.
At least he still desires to stay married. Even that isn’t a given, so work from there, from his willingness to stay committed to being with you and your son. Bless God for this small thing and work from there.
Know you are in my prayers, as an unhappy marriage takes its toll on a person. I pray that you manage to maintain your spiritual life, as it is only through Christ that you can find your true happiness. He is the spouse who never disappoints.
God Bless,
Carol Marie