Please pray for my marriage.

[igator99]

After 13 years I believe my marriage is coming to an end. My wife a good woman has devoted her life to our children, her family and then me. I can’t take being alone anymore. I can’t take being third on her list anymore. Her family has always hated me and treated me like dirt. I can’t take not being loved any more. I want out. I’m fearful of the toll it will take on my son. I feel trapped and lost in despair. I have no joy in this life. I’m looking forward to death.

 

[bunnynessuk]

If your wife is a good woman who is devoted to her children I fail to see why you feel so bad because she isnt devoted to HER children she is devoted to YOUR children.

If you feel she is TO close to her own family you need to discuss this with her, as a good devoted woman & catholic (i presume) the last thing she will want is for her marriage to fail - talk to her go see your priest.

She needs to focus on her children & you and not her own family (pres mother & father) but there may be a good reason for this - is there perhaps ill health in the family?

You havent mentioned how your wife feels about this situation is sh eeven aware?

Prayers for you.

 

[Belle10]

After 13 years I believe my marriage is coming to an end. My wife a good woman has devoted her life to our children, her family and then me. I can’t take being alone anymore. I can’t take being third on her list anymore. Her family has always hated me and treated me like dirt. I can’t take not being loved any more. I want out. I’m fearful of the toll it will take on my son. I feel trapped and lost in despair. I have no joy in this life. I’m looking forward to death.

Please, speak with a priest. Praying for you and your family, that you will all rediscover God’s love and the wonderful, holy calling that is marriage and family. :hug1:

 

[igator99]

If your wife is a good woman who is devoted to her children I fail to see why you feel so bad because she isnt devoted to HER children she is devoted to YOUR children.

If you feel she is TO close to her own family you need to discuss this with her, as a good devoted woman & catholic (i presume) the last thing she will want is for her marriage to fail - talk to her go see your priest.

She needs to focus on her children & you and not her own family (pres mother & father) but there may be a good reason for this - is there perhaps ill health in the family?

You havent mentioned how your wife feels about this situation is sh eeven aware?

Prayers for you.

You fail to see the order of things 1) Children 2) Her family 3) Me. I feel like I don’t even know here anymore. We do NOTHING together.

 

[bunnynessuk]

That is for you to discuss with her if you feel so saddened by the state or affaire I presume this has been ongoing for much of your marriage it is up to you to talk with her and resolve it.

I dont know how old your children are but the maths would say under 18 and thus they will require a lot of her attention.

Maybe she feels you no longer want her attention, perhaps there are issues in her family that she feels she needs to resolve (an ill parent, troubled sibling) if YOU want your wifes attention you must talk with her about how you feel. Venting on this forum about how your wife puts everyone above you will not resolve it - YOU need to talk to HER.

If you have had a thirteen year marriage in which time you have never told your wife what you want how can you possibly expect her to do any different.

Is she a good wife - does she cook, clean keep a nice house, are your children looked after, does she make sure that the house is calm and non-disruptive I fail to see what you want her to actually do as all your post discusses is how sad you are and how you want to die???

For this to be resolved you need to talk to your wife and talk to your priest.
You feel left out maybe your wife feels she is not leaving you out - you shoudl talk with her.
These people will help, you sound downhearted and depressed but nothing in your post actual talks about WHAT is wrong or what your wife is doing wrong - aside from looking after YOUR children and her family.

 

[igator99]

Please, speak with a priest. Praying for you and your family, that you will all rediscover God’s love and the wonderful, holy calling that is marriage and family. :hug1:

Thank you. I really needed to hear some kindness. May God bless you.

 

[Ruthie]

Igator, you sound really sad. I’ll pray for you and your family.

If your wife is a holy woman, you could point out to her that the Bible (and the Church) says that, when we marry, we become one flesh - and we leave our fathers and mothers. (Mt 19:4-6) If she is putting her family ahead of you, without a good reason, then she has her priorities wrong.

There are always two sides to a story, though. How involved are you with your children? They are part of that “one flesh” thing, after all. If you leave her to do all the kid-related things, then you may not be the only one feeling alone. The same thing goes for her family; if they need her a lot, then they need you, too.

But it does have limits. My MIL used to get her two sons over to help her on her ranch every weekend. It was to the point where our place was being neglected. I finally put my foot down about it - and then found out that my SIL did, too, the same week!

So, one answer for you is to become more involved with what she is doing every day. That will make her more involved with you.

Another small thing that can have big results is to thank her for all the little things she does, like cooking dinner and doing the laundry - at the time she does them. “Thank you for making dinner, sweetie! Kids, let’s clear the table for Mom!”

My hubby does that, and it sure helps keep me motivated and involved. And I do the same for him.

Into action, Igator!

Praying for you to be as happy as we are,

Ruthie

 

[igator99]

Igator, you sound really sad. I’ll pray for you and your family.

If your wife is a holy woman, you could point out to her that the Bible (and the Church) says that, when we marry, we become one flesh - and we leave our fathers and mothers. (Mt 19:4-6) If she is putting her family ahead of you, without a good reason, then she has her priorities wrong.

There are always two sides to a story, though. How involved are you with your children? They are part of that “one flesh” thing, after all. If you leave her to do all the kid-related things, then you may not be the only one feeling alone. The same thing goes for her family; if they need her a lot, then they need you, too.

But it does have limits. My MIL used to get her two sons over to help her on her ranch every weekend. It was to the point where our place was being neglected. I finally put my foot down about it - and then found out that my SIL did, too, the same week!

So, one answer for you is to become more involved with what she is doing every day. That will make her more involved with you.

Another small thing that can have big results is to thank her for all the little things she does, like cooking dinner and doing the laundry - at the time she does them. “Thank you for making dinner, sweetie! Kids, let’s clear the table for Mom!”

My hubby does that, and it sure helps keep me motivated and involved. And I do the same for him.

Into action, Igator!

Praying for you to be as happy as we are,

Ruthie

Thank you for your prayers. They seem to have worked. I returned home today to a wife that agreed we come first. She also agrees her family is destroying our marriage. They hate me because I don’t make enough money ( To support them, they are real scum living off their children by design ). She has said this before then things spiral out of control. Thank you again for your prayers.

 

[SarahR]

It is easy for a good mother and homemaker to get wrapped up in those things and forget that she is first and foremost a wife. It’s not okay, but I’ve been there. Prayers for you. Please guard yourself from making huge mistakes because you are hurting and wanting to feel loved. Pray for the Holy Spirit to touch her heart.

God bless.

 

[whatevergirl]

igator…wow, what a turnaround. I am praying for you both that your marriage will emerge stronger now that you’ve talked some things through. Good for you both–God bless!

 

[timotheos]

They hate me because I don’t make enough money

Hi igator99,

Check out your own words, my friend! A man’s true worth is NOT a reflection of his income. You know this in your gut, just as you know Christ’s truths in your gut. You also know this poisonous influence must be stopped, and stopped now. It is nothing more than satan trying to rip yet another family apart. You must be a good husband and father, because why would he work so hard to destroy you?

Real leaders are those who do the will of the Father, not those with beacoup bucks diving into the materialist culture, buying 3 ipods for each kid and a Wii for every bedroom.

I think I know what you mean about the “alone” feeling. It is tempting to succumb to this perception, but it is simply how the enemy wants you to feel, to take away your motivation to love your family. Remember, the world WILL hate you for the Truth that you know in your heart! Hang onto that Truth like it’s the only thing you’ve got … because ultimately, well, it is.

I’ll say a prayer for you and your wife and family tonight.

-Tim

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Prayers for your marriage!

If you haven’t already been doing so, I recommend talking to a priest or good pro-marriage counsellor as a couple. You mentioned your wife goes in cycles - you and she may need help learning how to deal with the downturns, and how to keep her family from being a destructive influence in the future.

 

[igator99]

Prayers for your marriage!

If you haven’t already been doing so, I recommend talking to a priest or good pro-marriage counsellor as a couple. You mentioned your wife goes in cycles - you and she may need help learning how to deal with the downturns, and how to keep her family from being a destructive influence in the future.

The biggest problem is at first I wanted her and my children to keep a relationship with family. I didn’t want that on my conscious. However if all they do is damage to our family then what choice do I have?

 

[Polly_Carp]

I can’t stand it either and it has been 30 years with no change in sight. Not a lot of options if you are Catholic, either. So, like the saying goes, “offer it up.” You found your cross.