Please pray for my preteen daughter

[moms]

I am requesting prayers for my preteen daughter who all of a sudden has turned on us for being “over protective” and “too strict” according to her. We thought we had a close family unit until this issue came up out of the blue. She just wants to spend time with her friends and wants us to provide her with money for outings. We have been praying for a change in attitude…

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this, but rest assured, it will pass. That attitude change you’re looking for should come sometime between the ages of 21 and 30.

 

[Xantippe]

moms said:

“I am requesting prayers for my preteen daughter who all of a sudden has turned on us for being “over protective” and “too strict” according to her. We thought we had a close family unit until this issue came up out of the blue. She just wants to spend time with her friends and wants us to provide her with money for outings. We have been praying for a change in attitude…”

It’s normal for her to want to spend time with friends. A “close family unit” can be rather suffocating.

If you approve of the outings and the friends, encourage your daughter to start earning money to cover her “wants.” I have a daughter who is almost 12, and she has been doing occasional mother’s helper gigs for the past year, working for a good friend of mine. She also has opportunities to earn money at home, but the mother’s helper gig is much more lucrative and fun.

There’s a new book by Dave Ramsey and his daughter Rachel entitled “Smart Money, Smart Kids,” that you should probably read.

My kids (especially my oldest) had the gimmes bad when they were younger, but we’ve done enough work on them that they understand that while we cover their basic needs and extracurriculars, they need to cover “extras.” We don’t have any arguments about it now, because they understand that if they want XYZ, they need to pay for XYZ. (As long as XYZ is something that is acceptable to their parents.)

Best wishes!

 

[27lw]

Moms,
I am with you. Is it possible that some other person (aunt, older sibling, friend’s mom, etc.) put it into her head that you are “over-protective”? I am somewhat protective of my kids, depending on the circumstances, and I bet a lot of the world would think my husband is overprotective. But I think we have to be, in this day and age!!!

Also, do you ever get to hear Dr. Ray Guarendi on Catholic radio? I am almost laughing as a I imagine his answer about the fact that your daughter wants you to “provide her with money”…

 

[Convert2013]

Moms,
I am with you. Is it possible that some other person (aunt, older sibling, friend’s mom, etc.) put it into her head that you are “over-protective”? I am somewhat protective of my kids, depending on the circumstances, and I bet a lot of the world would think my husband is overprotective. But I think we have to be, in this day and age!!!

Also, do you ever get to hear Dr. Ray Guarendi on Catholic radio? I am almost laughing as a I imagine his answer about the fact that your daughter wants you to "provide her with money"…

He’s great!

The age of entitlement is in full swing. And as long as parents in general give into it there will be this issue. When they stop and demand that their children earn money in some way then it will end. When I was a teen, and it wasn’t that long ago, I would NEVER have expected my parents to provide me money for anything. I did on occassion ask nicely, but at the age of 14, I got a job because it was legal for me to work at that age and so I began earning for myself the things I wanted. That in addition to chores around the house which I earned no money for doing. Nowadays that’s considered child abuse and bad parenting.

To the OP, I said a prayer for your family and especially your daughter. Do her a favor and don’t give in just because of the attitude. You’re not doing anything wrong. I would suggest, if I may that she do things around the house above and beyond what should be expected of her to earn money for her outtings. Or maybe even support her in getting an afterschool or weekend job. I know it taught me the value of money and responsibility and also kept me out of trouble. When I worked hard for my own money I thought twice about where and how I spent it and respected my parents much more for how hard they worked to provide a home and food, etc.

 

[humble_maid]

I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this, but rest assured, it will pass. That attitude change you’re looking for should come sometime between the ages of 21 and 30.

I was told that the worst is between 14 and 17. Then it should be a little easier. I am still in the thick of it. It is sooooooooooooooo hard. I almost want to runaway and hide some days.

On a more serious note, though, never let them get you down and if you do, get right back in the saddle and be firm but loving. Trust your instincts and stick by it but don’t be too rigid; talk to them about what they think and then come to a decision. Be calm…even though you won’t sometimes. Watch what is happening around her. Be wary of the changes and make sure she is safe and with good friends. However, don’t let her know this.

Here is a book on raising children, " Kids Are Worth It!: Raising Resilient, Responsible, Compassionate Kids" by Barbara Coloroso. Believe me it is worth reading.

God Bless

 

[cheezey]