Please pray for my severely broken heart

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chaz0426 said:
I’m 20 and my now long distance ex girlfriend of 5 months yesterday told me she cheated on and she wants to end things. Things seemed perfectly fine and every day she would tell me how happy she was with me and loved me. She told me she loved me every single day without me saying a word or asking too. I never suspected anything. Then this happened yesterday and it hit me like a load of bricks.

I feel chest pain and so weak in the last 24 hours and I’m lucky to be home with my family for the holidays to help me deal. I knew this girl since I was 6 and everything seemed so perfect. It was really a miracle how I came across her again this past summer and it felt so right. She told me 2 months ago she could never ever do this to me and she wanted to be with me forever ect.

I was going to visit her in 5 days and she told me this yesterday and I did not even see it coming. She told me she was happy with me and wanted to marry someday even. She had 2 long relationships before me and I didn’t even question if she was capable of cheating. Anyway it happened and I am still trying to figure out God’s plan through this but I can’t and I’m hurting so much it’s a physical feeling too. I’ve had break ups before but this girl was different. I actually wanted to spend the rest of my life with her because it just felt right. I guess I was wrong.

I told her in the beginning all I wanted from her was honesty even if it hurts. She wasn’t honest. I didn’t even know she had a guy friend and she wanted to save sex for marriage and I did too yet she had sex with him on the fly and didn’t think about my heart and my love for her!

What’s Ironic is this time last year but a few weeks before now, my last girlfriend cheated on me too. I am thinking I shouldn’t date around the fall anymore because I got cheated on twice right before Christmas.

I learned my way the last time this happened and I felt this time it was for real because I felt God led me too her. I feel hurt that he would let this happen a second time and I can’t figure out what I can learn from this yet again with someone so much more closer to my heart and my first friend in life period.

I want to be closer to God but I want to feel that he will help me through this too.

I’m lost and hurt and am trying to move on. Please pray for me.
I will be going to mass in 45 minutes because all I need is to feel God’s presence right now. I could use any advice too.
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Pray and know that you are bearing a cross, a heavy cross, and the heavier the cross, the more you share in Jesus’ hour of glory, that is, His suffering and death on the Cross. Ask the Lord for a bit of relief if you feel the cross is too heavy and trust always in His Mercy, for He is close to you - closer than you think - and He wishes to comfort you, even though you and no one is worthy of comfort. God trascends our unworthiness, He always thinks of us in our adminssion into His Kingdom, for such is the Love of God. Pray and be patient, and imitate God, who was always good to His bride, Israel, even when she committed adultery, i.e., turned form the Lord to idols and false gods.
 
Thanks guys! I feel much better this morning than the other morning so at least some progress is being made.
 
Adding my prayers! Glad to hear that you’re feeling better today. May you feel God’s love and the love and comfort of family this Christmas.
 
Time heals all wounds. It does, Chaz.

Ben was right. Good thing she broke it off now, and not once you were married with children. Sounds like you may be mature, and she is not.

Take your time. There are many fish in the sea! And remember, Satan will send you several wives. I’m not saying your childhood friend was, I am just saying many will cross your path.

I will tell you, I was in the last half of my 20’s, and was tired of not meeting “Mr. Right.” I prayed a Novena to St. Anthony, who is the Saint of lost articles. I asked him to find my husband who was lost and could not find me. He came through. I met my husband, we dated for 2 years, married, and that was over 21 years ago! I am still “in love” with him. You can “love someone” or be “in love”-there’s a difference!

I think it is a rare situation when anyone should marry before the age of 25. Something happens at 25, and your life changes. I started dating men I wouldn’t have looked at before. Maybe it’s a maturity that happens.

I had been engaged once before, and talked about marrying another before I met my true love.

God Bless you.
Merry Christmas!
 
DawnInTexas said:
Time heals all wounds. It does, Chaz.

Ben was right. Good thing she broke it off now, and not once you were married with children. Sounds like you may be mature, and she is not.

Take your time. There are many fish in the sea! And remember, Satan will send you several wives. I’m not saying your childhood friend was, I am just saying many will cross your path.

I will tell you, I was in the last half of my 20’s, and was tired of not meeting “Mr. Right.” I prayed a Novena to St. Anthony, who is the Saint of lost articles. I asked him to find my husband who was lost and could not find me. He came through. I met my husband, we dated for 2 years, married, and that was over 21 years ago! I am still “in love” with him. You can “love someone” or be “in love”-there’s a difference!

I think it is a rare situation when anyone should marry before the age of 25. Something happens at 25, and your life changes. I started dating men I wouldn’t have looked at before. Maybe it’s a maturity that happens.

I had been engaged once before, and talked about marrying another before I met my true love.

God Bless you.
Merry Christmas!
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Really, that is very comforting to know. Thank you!
 
I have a quick question for anyone out there who will answer. I am still mourning this loss but I am able to do errans and daily functions. I am home from school and will be for a semester so I don’t have many friends to lean on unfortunatley which is why I seek help from this forum. I’d love to make any friends on here too if anyone is near my age or even not. I’m almost 21.

Anyway I got back from a Christmas confessional service and confessed how I felt betrayed by God and a lot of hate and despair towards my ex and now I’m feeling that I really do love her and I can forgive her. I know I can not be with her after this especially since she was the one to end it and leave meaning she was not happy even though I thought up until the very last minute she was because she kept telling me so and talking to me every night and wishing me sweet dreams and telling me she loved me ect. It’s almost like a different person picked up her phone and wrote those messages but I know now it was really her which is sad.

Anyway my main question is, should I write a formal letter to mail to her and tell her that I still love and forgive her and I wish her the best in life and Im sorry it took infidelity on her part for me to find out her true feelings about our relationship?

Or should I just leave it be with the horrible conversation I had when she revealed it to me and I left her with a good bye forever ect.

What do you think? I really feel love and forgiveness and I know Jesus told us to pray for those who hurt us and forgive those who sin against us and stuff but should I just leave her be or send a final letter?

I just want (name removed by moderator)ut. I heard from guys that girls are more likely to respond if you show little care and love and any interest as odd as that is. I guess they like the fun of the chase but I am tired of playing those games too, I just want to put my feelings in a letter and have it be that if it is appropriate. Let me know your suggestions and if she even deserves this. I know she doesn’t but I feel I can’t get rid of the love I had/still have for her because this happened recently so suddenly.

Thanks again for all the prayers.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
 
chaz0426 said:
Anyway my main question is, should I write a formal letter to mail to her and tell her that I still love and forgive her and I wish her the best in life and Im sorry it took infidelity on her part for me to find out her true feelings about our relationship?

Or should I just leave it be with the horrible conversation I had when she revealed it to me and I left her with a good bye forever ect.

What do you think? I really feel love and forgiveness and I know Jesus told us to pray for those who hurt us and forgive those who sin against us and stuff but should I just leave her be or send a final letter?
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ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WRITE HER A LETTER. She is the one who cheated on you, so she should be crawling back to you, not the other way around! Wash your hands of her and be rid of her! You deserve better.

Also, just because you forgive someone does NOT mean you are obligated to continue a relationship with that person; this is what a priest said in a homily once.
 
Chaz, my oldest daughter and her boyfriend are about your age. As hard as it is, the first rule to learn when someone breaks up with you is to *not *contact them at all for any reason, no excuses.😦 Most sensitive caring people like yourself have a lot of feelings when somebody hurts them. You are 100% normal and have lots of company. But, you will just have to take my word for it when I tell you it won’t make her come back. If she misses you, she’ll come back on her own, and your friends are right. We should not play games with people, but the truth is that if she sees you want her back, it will make you less attractive to her.

I have some advice for you. While you’re home on winter break, just put this out of your mind and have fun. Why not go to church or out with your family and friends and try meeting someone else to talk to, just for fun?
 
Norseman82 said:
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WRITE HER A LETTER. She is the one who cheated on you, so she should be crawling back to you, not the other way around! Wash your hands of her and be rid of her! You deserve better.

Also, just because you forgive someone does NOT mean you are obligated to continue a relationship with that person; this is what a priest said in a homily once.
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I agree with Norseman.

One other thing to consider: while your wound is still is raw and gaping, there’s always the danger of being “sucked back into” a bad situation … please don’t do this to yourself.

After you’ve had time to heal and regained your equilibrium, and after prayerful consideration, you may (note the “may”) still want to send such a letter as a form of closure … but right now is NOT the time to do that, in my opinion. When you get back on your feet again, there will be plenty of time to worry about such things.

For now, just focus on Christ’s healing love.
 
Norseman82 said:
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT WRITE HER A LETTER. She is the one who cheated on you, so she should be crawling back to you, not the other way around! Wash your hands of her and be rid of her! You deserve better.

Also, just because you forgive someone does NOT mean you are obligated to continue a relationship with that person; this is what a priest said in a homily once.
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That’s what I was thinking and believe too but I was reading how Jesus told us to do good to those who hurt us and I felt with the love I still have for her ( it’s hard to loose considering she was the closest to my heart of any relationship I’ve ever had ) and the act that I can forgive her in my heart right now. I wasn’t sure if I was being called to write a letter. She hasn’t really shown any remorse since she did apologize but at the same time told me she was unhappy and couldn’t be my girlfriend after this.

So as hard as it is I guess as you are saying just to move on as much as it hurts and as much love I still carry for her. I wish I could just not love her anymore. It hurts.
 
Morwenna said:
I agree with Norseman.

One other thing to consider: while your wound is still is raw and gaping, there’s always the danger of being “sucked back into” a bad situation … please don’t do this to yourself.

After you’ve had time to heal and regained your equilibrium, and after prayerful consideration, you may (note the “may”) still want to send such a letter as a form of closure … but right now is NOT the time to do that, in my opinion. When you get back on your feet again, there will be plenty of time to worry about such things.

For now, just focus on Christ’s healing love.
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That makes a lot of sense. I will probably do that. Thanks
 
Angels_Unaware said:
Chaz, my oldest daughter and her boyfriend are about your age. As hard as it is, the first rule to learn when someone breaks up with you is to *not *contact them at all for any reason, no excuses.😦 Most sensitive caring people like yourself have a lot of feelings when somebody hurts them. You are 100% normal and have lots of company. But, you will just have to take my word for it when I tell you it won’t make her come back. If she misses you, she’ll come back on her own, and your friends are right. We should not play games with people, but the truth is that if she sees you want her back, it will make you less attractive to her.

I have some advice for you. While you’re home on winter break, just put this out of your mind and have fun. Why not go to church or out with your family and friends and try meeting someone else to talk to, just for fun?
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I am doing my best and each day I get the energy I use to have restored to do activities. I use to just fall into depression and become a house rat but thanks to my prayers to God, going to mass often and confession if/when needed I felt he has given me the strength to continue and get out of my bed every morning and play an active role in my family. I have been treated for a moderate depression this past fall for academic/stress related issues so it could be the anti-depressants too which aren’t permanent but just for a few months as well.

I will try to meet new people but it’s difficult when most of your friends are at school and I’m currently taking a semester off due to the academic related stuff but I do plan to return and I hope to visit soon.

Thank you so much for responding though and your advice has really helped me make a decision to move on.
 
Time to start yet another day, thanks guys for all your prayers they have really helped a lot!
 
Thanks so much for the prayers.

I pray and hope that someday I can find a nice single Catholic women who wouldn’t do this to me and would love me back just as much. Please pray for that too, I’d appreciate it. Thanks so much guys!
 
I agree with the above, don’t contact her at all.
You deserve better anyway, buddy. You are indeed a rare man in this day and age who practices chastity. Trust me, there are a lot of girls out there looking for a guy just like you.
Don’t waste your time on her.
I might also suggest that a great way to get your mind off of all of this is to maybe get a job while on break, or you could even talk to your priest and see if there are any chores that you could do around church on a voluntary basis.
Join the KC’s! They have plenty of work to do, and there’s always some guys around older than you that you can confide in.
Wishing you well and praying for you.
 
I’ve been there man. My girl friend of of eleven months tossed me when I became Catholic. This happened last year it still hurts to this day :bighanky:

You’ll get prayers from me.
 
I am so sorry for you, what a terrible thing to happen. All I can say is that even though it is hard to imagine now, I think God has someone special for you and you will meet her at the right time.
I hope my daughter will find someone like you who is a serious Catholic. God bless you!
 
Donna_Mc said:
I am so sorry for you, what a terrible thing to happen. All I can say is that even though it is hard to imagine now, I think God has someone special for you and you will meet her at the right time.
I hope my daughter will find someone like you who is a serious Catholic. God bless you!
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Hmm…you’re in Philly, he’s in Virginia. How old is your daughter?
 
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