please pray for us.

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delivers1234

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My wife said today she is walking out of our 2 year marriage. She will not be my wife anymore. I asked if theres anything i, her or we could do and she said no. She gave up and believes God is making us grow apart. We have 2 children 4m and 18m. While i have been weak in the past and have thought about divorce and said these words to her, I know by todays conversation that she means it. I wanted counseling, she wanted counseling, i wanted retro, she wanted retro…I said no im not ready for retro but now, i will do anything to keep our marriage. I do love her, though she says its not real love because i am different from the guy she married, since day two.

I know im not perfect and that i am very broken but i do believe in my promise to love her above all (as part of my vows). we’ve had many arguments, many about family, many about finding an answer.

im trying everything here (at home). im first afraid of losing her then im afraid of being away from the kids, but then im afraid of feeling like she will hold the “divorce” over my head.

i will apologize to her tomorrow and ask her to hold off on her decision to divorce and go with me to retro. I spoke to a priest today. i am not giving up. i pray and pray and pray.

Lord help me.

e
 
It’s really tough having a toddler and an infant for the first time. It’s not just your particular situation–it really is that hard. Ask her to stay for a year and she if she feels differently in a year’s time. It’s very likely that she will feel differently. For one thing, your wife’s hormones are probably still unsettled (particularly if she is breastfeeding) and sleep deprivation can make one emotionally unstable. “Without sleep, the emotional centers of our brains dramatically overreact to bad experiences, research now reveals.”

livescience.com/4658-emotions-run-amok-sleep-deprived-brains.html

If she starts getting a good night’s sleep regularly, she could be a completely different person. Also, seeing her OB might be a good idea–she could be having post-partum depression.

The thing about your current stage in life is that both of you probably feel like you don’t get a moment’s peace. If she’s making dinner, she’ll need you to take care of the kids, and if you’re doing some home project, you’ll need her to take care of the kids, etc. Both of you need to be “on” all the time, which is exhausting. This is not, fortunately, a permanent condition. As I said, in a year (or at the outside, two), things are going to look very different for you guys.

“im trying everything here (at home). im first afraid of losing her then im afraid of being away from the kids, but then im afraid of feeling like she will hold the “divorce” over my head.”

Don’t worry about that for the moment. Long-term, of course, spouses can’t be threatening divorce over every single marital spat, but you’re in such crisis right now that there’s a lot to be gained from just buying some time. Once things have settled down, you can start figuring out how you got where you are today.

Your wife has a little baby to take care of. Take care of her.
 
“im trying everything here (at home). im first afraid of losing her then im afraid of being away from the kids, but then im afraid of feeling like she will hold the “divorce” over my head.”

“While i have been weak in the past and have thought about divorce and said these words to her…”

It sounds like you have already been holding divorce over your wife’s head.
 
Thank you X. We have both said words in the past but have taken them back. I did mention post partum as she stopped breast feeding cold turkey. She was floored at this. I know I am angry at things she does, and I have trouble controlling that but I do love her and try my best. I will start counseling again ASAP. She will not sleep in the same bed anymore.

Last night I had given her my ring. This was stupid on my part. I was emotional. Well I’m wearing it now. Not sure if it matters to her. It does mean everything to me.

I feel scared and depressed.

E
 
Delivers:
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I will pray for a favorable outcome to the current frustrating situation. You have received good advice and counseling is a good plan.
Blessings
Mary.
:hug1:
 
St. Joseph, Spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary, is the first you should tell about your issues. Saint Olaf and Saint Pharaildis are Patron Sts. of difficult marriages. St. Rita of Cascia takes care of marital problems. Both she and St. Jude Thaddeus are patron Sts. that takes care of lost causes and impossible cases. St Jude Thaddeus also takes care of desperate situations. Say a 3 days day novena but especially a 9 days novena to these Saints. Talk to them as parents and friends. They see and hear you clearly and they were assigned by God to help. I’ll pray for you too through them to God and Our Lady.
 
Inaddition, St. Dymphna is the Patron St. in charge of emotional problems.
 
It’s been 2 days and I feel my wife is intent on divorce. I asked her to hold off on the decision so we could do the retrovive first. She said she would have to think about it. No response and retro is next week. Can’t sleep can’t cry anymore praying to be changed. Difficult to go to work.

I know I was not open quick to anger and at times unwilling to compromise. Yes I am broken and am not even worthy to be a servant at the dinner table. But then why did marry? I just messed up. Peers/ priest say try and don’t give up then they say if it happens, it’s not the end of the world.

I can’t live without my wife yet divorce has entered in our thoughts , my wife says yes I can without emotion. I’m I refusing to see the writing on the wall?

I believe married people t happier 5- 10 years down the road. Why won’tmy wife let us get there? Or was it me who put a wrench in things? I had the will to act. But did not.

Feeling lost n hopeless

E
 
Dear Delivers,
Divorce is very very hard on children. I cannot say this strongly enough. I have been through it with my sons who were 2.5 years and newborn when I separated from their father, because of physical and emotional abuse. I had no choice and made the best of it, but it STILL was so hard on my sons. The saddest moment of my life was when my little 2 year old ran after a man in the park who looked like his daddy, calling “daddy, daddy,” but the man walked away not realizing he was being called - it broke my heart.
Please, do everything you can to stay with your wife and children. Both of you are being immature and selfish. You both need to work on your marriage, not give up just because you feel like you’re growing apart. So what? Work on it like adults.
Never, never threaten each other with divorce. That is unacceptable. You need to take care of your children, and each other.
I recommend you get and watch the movie Fireproof together.
We are praying for you.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Pray the novena to the Infant Jesus of Prague, my prayers got answered before I finished the Novena. God bless you.
 
“Peers/ priest say try and don’t give up then they say if it happens, it’s not the end of the world.”

They’re right. You should do your best to save your marriage, but if your wife divorces you, you will have to live with it.

“I can’t live without my wife yet divorce has entered in our thoughts , my wife says yes I can without emotion.”

She’s right–you can live without her. Saying you can’t makes it sound like you are planning on killing somebody, which is not going to make your wife feel safe and loved.

I think this over-dramatizing is not wholesome. It also may sound selfish to your wife–very me-me-me. Focus on serving your kids and your wife. Every day that she doesn’t leave you or tell you to leave, you are closer to saving your marriage.
 
I am praying for you. I am in a similar situation with my husband of 20 years.

Steph
 
I will pray for you. Unfortunately, I’m not sure you can do anything to stop your wife. She seems to have the wrong view of marriage. Does she not know that divorcre is always wrong, and that the idea of God pushing people toward an action that God Himself condemns is absurd?
 
I’m not sure how she understands marriage. She says she’s walking out not quitting???
Her parents came by today. They didn’t say anything but it felt like I was just sitting and everyone else was talking to each other.

I keep thinking to fight but then I think I don’t belong here; I’m not worthy to be in this family, that I should exit. I spoke to a marriage therapist over the phone. She helped by listening. Tomorrow I see the priest my wife was seeing that I said I would not see. She no longer says she loves me like we would say on the phone each time. And she won’t look me in the eyes.

So does it matter if I keep wearing ring? She doesn’t.

Tonight I asked bid she wanted to talk about anything and she said no

I had tried to reach her father to ask for advice. But was not able to.

I know I will live without her but it won’t be the same. How do I offer what I can’t control to God?
 
We also did watch fireproof. It was good when we watched. I had bought a Greg and joy? Marriage DVD workbook but we didn’t get to it.

I’m also noticing I’m sad and want to cry but I’ve cried myself out. Ugly feelings.

I’m also slowing down at work. I know take care of myself. Just hard.

E
 
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