Please read and help

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JustSomeone

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I’ve always been a christian and a catholic. As a teenager I had my fair share of sins (who didn’t) but I was always trying to live according to my conscience and the word of God. These sins were mostly about bad habits and addictions than my bad will. The years went by, I was praying, going to church (and to the confession) and I was tangled up in two addictions/bad habits (I don’t really know which one) that were really tought to quit. It all started innocently but the more it progressed the more I started to see how destructive they were. At first I didn’t even realize they were sins I guess. But then I just couldn’t quit. I tried, but it was only getting worse.

Then, a few months ago, weird things started happening. During masses - tears were starting to well up in my eyes. I was really taken aback by it and I didn’t know what it meant. Then I had this funeral of a person I didn’t even know. I just went because someone asked me to and I heard this beautiful sermon - the best one I’ve ever heard in my life. After that I started praying more and somehow I quit those two addictions I was talking about. I knew it was God’s part in this because I would never do that by myself. It’s out of the question. I was too weak too quit by myself.

After that, the strangest happened. For about a month or so I was a changed man. First of all, I wasn’t nervous at all. And you should know that I was always very nervous - my whole life. I could snap at anyone for almost no reason at all. It was gone. I was meek as a sheep. Nothing could make me lose my temper. I felt love for everyone and I wanted to talk about God and God only. I wanted to be His witness and tell everyone how magnificent He is. I felt love for everyone that did me wrong and I wanted to forgive everyone just like that. I lost a fear of death. I was looking at it as a “homecoming” and I was actually looking forward to it (I dind’t want to die though, it wasn’t like that). I also started to detest and hate sin. I always avoided it but then I started to detest and hate it. I was a changed man and there was no question about it. Everyone noticed that - my parents, friends and so on. And it happened in a few days. I couldn’t change for my whole life and then I just changed like that. I also have to tell you - it was, without a question, the best month of my life. I felt only love for everyone and no fear of anything. It was so amazing I can’t even describe in 10% of how great it was…

And the second thing happened. Actually it started happening before the things I described above but now I’ll write more about it. I started to shed tears in church during mass or when reading Bible verses (mostly when I read Jesus’ words). Also, when reading the Passion of Christ in church a few months ago I just couldn’t stop the tears. Sometimes before receiving the communion or even when I listen to christian music. And you should know that the last time I cried was when I was 14 or so (I’m 22, almost 23 now). Also, when I was thinking what God did for all of us - humans. I also started shedding tears when I though of how many people deliberately want to go to Hell. I wanted to stop everyone from going the wrong way. Also, it wasn’t regular cry. There was no weeping or sobbing. Tears were just flowing out of my eyes. I also always shed them when I reminded myself of how unworthy of God I am. Of what He did for me. Or how much I sinned before. I could go on and on about it…
I also remember lately I was standing in the line to the confessional and tears started to flow because I realized how much I offended God with my sins… I just can’t describe with words how sorry I am…

Now I have two questions I hope you can answer me, please.
  1. Can you tell me or do you have any idea what happened in that month I described? I read some stuff on the Internet and I came to a conclusion that I could be “born again”. Is that it?
  2. Can you tell me what is it with those tears? I read something on the Internet about “gift of tears” but it mostly happened to saints or some very religious people and that’s why I can’t acknowledge that God would grant me this great gift. I feel like I’m a huge, huge sinner even tho my sins were mostly done from teenager stupidity or they were bad habit/addictions that I couldn’t get out of. What do you think of those tears?
 
Hi there!

Here’s my two cents:
  1. God knocked at the door of your heart, you decided to listen, and you are grateful for His love. It’s that simple. 🙂
  2. We’re all imperfect humans. We’re all sinners. None of us deserves God’s love. And yet, in spite of this - perhaps precisely because of this - he calls us all to perfect union with Him - to holiness, to saintliness. It’s not a matter of unworthiness, of “not deserving” anything; it’s a matter of willingness - willingness to accept God’s love, and ourselves, with all our imperfections, and saying “yes!”, no matter what the cost.
Tears are normal when we get to that space within where we truly acknowledge our faults and how we have hurt others - and ourselves. I don’t know about the “gift of tears” of which you speak, but perhaps a spiritual director would be a good place to start. Not just to explain that, but to help put your mind and soul at ease.

Hang in there. I’ll be praying for you. 🙂
 
Hello my friend! God be with you!!! I have to say that i feel a holy jealousy for all you described!!! 🙂 That is what I have been spending the last 19 years of my life hoping to attain! (I’m 42 now!) God just gave you amazing, un-merited graces! He is calling you (as he calls everyone) to be a saint, so protect your graces with your life! Pray, draw even closer to God and following Jesus, never take the great gifts you have been given for granted! I don’t know about the gift of tears but it sounds to me like your tears were like those of the Blessed Mother. I don’t imagine her crying out and sobbing, I just see tears pouring down her face at the death of her Son, our Lord! The best saints I have known of had a very strong devotion to our Blessed Mother, so I encourage you strongly to(if you haven’t done it already) take her into your home and heart and ask her to lead you to Jesus every day of your life! God bless you friend! 🙂
Kim (Gods Holy Will)
 
Peace be with you! Thank you for sharing what you’ve experienced.
 
Hi again! 👋 I just read this hymn and thought of you. 🙂

Grace! 'Tis a Charming Sound

Grace! 'tis a charming sound,
Harmonious to the ear;
Heaven with the echo shall resound,
And all the earth shall hear.

Grace first contrived the way
To save rebellious man;
And all the steps that grace display
Which drew the wondrous plan.

Grace led my roving feet
To tread the heavenly road;
And new supplies each hour I meet,
While pressing on to God.

Grace all the work shall crown,
Through everlasting days;
It lays in Heaven the topmost stone,
And well deserves the praise.
~ By Philip Doddridge (1702 - 1751)
 
Greetings JustSomeone,

In answer to your first question, if you want to look at it as ‘born again’ I suppose that’s okay - depending on what your definition of ‘born again’ is. Basically, God has gotten your attention by lifting the veil a little bit, so to speak. It’s quite possible that He may put the veil back down so hold on to your memories of what happened. And don’t think of them in a bad way because what He’s done was in your best interest. I would consider your experience as part of the ongoing conversion that those of us with faith have throughout our lives. Some, like me, don’t have any conversion until at some point God whacks us over the head with a two-by-four and we realize suddenly what we couldn’t see all along. Other people have always had faith and it grows slowly over time without any major whammy.

As for the second question, those tears that flowed are also a gift. Don’t forget, gifts can be wanted or unwanted. But gifts from God always have reasons to them. If you can’t figure out why the gift was given, don’t spend too much time trying to find a reason. It will come to you if that’s what was meant to be. And you don’t have to be a cannonized saint to have the gift of tears - or any other gift for that matter. So don’t sweat it too much.

Having said all that, I have had a similar experience back in the late 1990’s. I was steeped in sin and God gave me that whammy. Then, I started seeing things differently and stopped my sin because I saw how much it offended God. But to this day, I still can’t control ‘the faucet’. I don’t cry so much as the tears just roll out of my eyes. Sometimes I get embarrassed because I can’t control when it happens, but mostly I’ve gotten used to it.

So don’t get upset if you can’t figure out why this all happened to you. God has His reasons.

But I can tell you just from reading your experiences that you’ve grown a lot closer to Him because of it: and that may be reason enough.
 
edithsteinrocks said:
Hi there!

Here’s my two cents:
  1. God knocked at the door of your heart, you decided to listen, and you are grateful for His love. It’s that simple. 🙂
  2. We’re all imperfect humans. We’re all sinners. None of us deserves God’s love. And yet, in spite of this - perhaps precisely because of this - he calls us all to perfect union with Him - to holiness, to saintliness. It’s not a matter of unworthiness, of “not deserving” anything; it’s a matter of willingness - willingness to accept God’s love, and ourselves, with all our imperfections, and saying “yes!”, no matter what the cost.
Tears are normal when we get to that space within where we truly acknowledge our faults and how we have hurt others - and ourselves. I don’t know about the “gift of tears” of which you speak, but perhaps a spiritual director would be a good place to start. Not just to explain that, but to help put your mind and soul at ease.

Hang in there. I’ll be praying for you. 🙂
Click to expand...
Hey, thank you very much for the answer and for the prayers!
And here’s some info about the Gift of Tears I was talking about: ss-peterandpaul.net/tears.htm
Gods_Holy_Will said:
Hello my friend! God be with you!!! I have to say that i feel a holy jealousy for all you described!!! 🙂 That is what I have been spending the last 19 years of my life hoping to attain! (I’m 42 now!) God just gave you amazing, un-merited graces! He is calling you (as he calls everyone) to be a saint, so protect your graces with your life! Pray, draw even closer to God and following Jesus, never take the great gifts you have been given for granted! I don’t know about the gift of tears but it sounds to me like your tears were like those of the Blessed Mother. I don’t imagine her crying out and sobbing, I just see tears pouring down her face at the death of her Son, our Lord! The best saints I have known of had a very strong devotion to our Blessed Mother, so I encourage you strongly to(if you haven’t done it already) take her into your home and heart and ask her to lead you to Jesus every day of your life! God bless you friend! 🙂
Kim (Gods Holy Will)
Click to expand...
Hey and thank you for the answer! I really don’t know what to say. I don’t take my graces for granted - I can assure you of that 😉 I pray to God and thank Him for them. I can only hope to have them as long as possible - but it’s God’s decision and I’m no one to question his ways. Thank you again!
grasscutter said:
Peace be with you! Thank you for sharing what you’ve experienced.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your answer! It’s not a problem. I’m glad to share my God experiences with fellow christians.
Gods_Holy_Will said:
Hi again! 👋 I just read this hymn and thought of you. 🙂

Grace! 'Tis a Charming Sound

Grace! 'tis a charming sound,
Harmonious to the ear;
Heaven with the echo shall resound,
And all the earth shall hear.

Grace first contrived the way
To save rebellious man;
And all the steps that grace display
Which drew the wondrous plan.

Grace led my roving feet
To tread the heavenly road;
And new supplies each hour I meet,
While pressing on to God.

Grace all the work shall crown,
Through everlasting days;
It lays in Heaven the topmost stone,
And well deserves the praise.
~ By Philip Doddridge (1702 - 1751)
Click to expand...
It’s beautiful, thanks!
 
Snerticus said:
Greetings JustSomeone,

In answer to your first question, if you want to look at it as ‘born again’ I suppose that’s okay - depending on what your definition of ‘born again’ is. Basically, God has gotten your attention by lifting the veil a little bit, so to speak. It’s quite possible that He may put the veil back down so hold on to your memories of what happened. And don’t think of them in a bad way because what He’s done was in your best interest. I would consider your experience as part of the ongoing conversion that those of us with faith have throughout our lives. Some, like me, don’t have any conversion until at some point God whacks us over the head with a two-by-four and we realize suddenly what we couldn’t see all along. Other people have always had faith and it grows slowly over time without any major whammy.

As for the second question, those tears that flowed are also a gift. Don’t forget, gifts can be wanted or unwanted. But gifts from God always have reasons to them. If you can’t figure out why the gift was given, don’t spend too much time trying to find a reason. It will come to you if that’s what was meant to be. And you don’t have to be a cannonized saint to have the gift of tears - or any other gift for that matter. So don’t sweat it too much.

Having said all that, I have had a similar experience back in the late 1990’s. I was steeped in sin and God gave me that whammy. Then, I started seeing things differently and stopped my sin because I saw how much it offended God. But to this day, I still can’t control ‘the faucet’. I don’t cry so much as the tears just roll out of my eyes. Sometimes I get embarrassed because I can’t control when it happens, but mostly I’ve gotten used to it.

So don’t get upset if you can’t figure out why this all happened to you. God has His reasons.

But I can tell you just from reading your experiences that you’ve grown a lot closer to Him because of it: and that may be reason enough.
Click to expand...
Thank you for the answer. It all makes sense.
What you wrote about your experience with tears - I have the same thing. It happens exactly the way you described it. And I still have it! Most of those sensations and feelings that I had in that month which I described are mostly gone (but I’m pretty sure it’s because I stuggle with great depression, anxiety and OCD lately - it wears me off and really affects my religious life) but I still shed tears in certain situations (some of which I described in the first post). It’s really great and I hope Lord won’t take it away from me. But as I previously wrote - he gave it and he can take it away. I’m thankful for what I had so far!
 
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