Please say a prayer with situation with my mom

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So last night my dad calls They’re “in the area and would like to stop by with the dog.” O…K…
So they come on in, my daughter takes the dog on his leash while my cats slowly start checking him out. Mom is acting like everything is fine.

So I ask .“So mom when did you want us to take the dog?”
“Well” she starts “We’re going to take him to obedience school…” Goes on for about three to four minutes about the dog with things like if he’s not too close to her she’s ok. I can’t remember all she said but she didn’t answer my question.
“So, you’re keeping the dog?”
MOM “Oh no I can’t keep the dog?”
“So when did you want us to take the dog?”
MOM “Well…(Insert my cousins name here -who lives out of state) says maybe my allergist can give me something…” and she continues talking for a couple minutes
“So, you are going to try to keep the dog?”
MOM “Well…I want to train him to sleep in the laundry room at night. He needs to go to bed at night. Dad (my dad) keeps him up all night watching TV. He needs to go in the laundry room and go to sleep.” and she talks for a while and then says “but I know I can’t keep him too long.”
“O.k. but if he’s going to be with us. We’re not going to lock him up at night. So he doesn’t really need to learn that. At the end of next week I start my vacation, so if you want us to take the dog I would like take him then. I’ll be home for 10 days. I can get him settled. Make sure the cats and him do alright.”
MOM “Well I want to train him to sleep in the laundry room first. He needs to learn to sleep in the laundry room while he’s with me (he barks when my mom locks him in the laundry room. It’s the only time I’ve ever heard the dog bark.) I want to train him to sleep in the laundry room.”
“Mom, I’m confused are you keeping the dog or not keeping the dog?”
MOM “Well…(she hesitates) I want to…share the dog. Sometimes he’s with you and sometimes he’s with me.”
Internally I’m smacking myself in the head.
“Anytime you want to see the dog I can bring him over. It’s not like you won’t be able to see him.” (We live like 15 minutes from my parents house.)
MOM “Well I want to keep him with me sometimes.”
“Ok well if you want us to have the dog stay at our house. The end of next week I would really like to take him while I’m off work and have the time to get him settled.”
MOM “Well…maybe you can have him for one day.”
(Inside I’m thinking I did not want the dog. I am doing this as a favor to you.)“Mom if you want to keep the dog please keep the dog. I did not want the dog. I like dogs but I never planned on owning one. I did this because you said you were allergic to it and (insert daughter’s name here) really loves the dog.”
MOM “No, no I can’t keep the dog.”
“Ok well I work full time. I am not retired like you. The end of next week I will have time to get the dog settled. After that I go back to work and won’t have the time.”
MOM “He’s going to forget me.”
“The dog will not forget you in a week. Dogs have been separated from their owners for months and the recognize them right away.”
MOM “Well he has to stay over night at my house in the middle of the week.”
I was so exasperated with this conversation I just fine I will bring him over. It was somewhat longer but I just gave the gist of it. Oh and she asked me to come over and wash her dog this weekend because when I did “he smelled like roses and now he smells again.” I washed the dog the day she announced the dog had to go.

This is the crazy making she does. Soo…today after taking my daughter dress shopping I am going over there to wash her dog. I told my husband he has to come with me for moral support. If she starts sucking me in he has to give me a nudge to leave. So now I’m concerned this whole dog situation is going to turn into a new way to cause drama. She knows my daughter loves the dog. This better not turn into her demanding “her dog” whenever she gets in a mood. Sigh.
 
Today I’ve decided is the day I’m going to sit down with my mom and set boundaries. I’m going send my dad and daughter out to walk the dog. My husband is going to stay with me (for moral support). I have to remain calm and focused. And I’ll need all the help the Holy Spirit can give me.
 
rayne89 said:
Today I’ve decided is the day I’m going to sit down with my mom and set boundaries. I’m going send my dad and daughter out to walk the dog. My husband is going to stay with me (for moral support). I have to remain calm and focused. And I’ll need all the help the Holy Spirit can give me.
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Good job, rayne. Remember you will not be able to ‘fix’ your mom. Chances are good she will not adhere to your boundaries. You need to remember that your first job is to be be a good wife to your husband and a good mom for your daughter. When your energy is spent dealing with your mom’s unstable ways, you wear yourself out. And then you cannot be the best wife and mother. And you really haven’t changed your mom.

So as you set your boundaries, you remember that YOU are the one who will need to adhere. And don’t be too hard on yourself. It will take a while to detach from this crazy situation. Also, let your dad be the one to care for your mom. She is his number one job, your family is your number one job.

I’m praying for you. This is a tough situation.

Somehow it’s easier to see how you do not want your mom hurting your daughter. But you may let mom treat you badly because you are so used to it. Use your daughter as your guideline, if mom’s behavior is okay for your daughter, then she may treat you that way, too. If you are putting a stop to some behavior with your daughter and mom, make sure you don’t let her treat you badly, either.
 
Greetings Rayne89,

It is good that you are sitting down with your mother to establish boundaries that are very much needed for both of your peace of minds and hearts. I will continue to pray for you and your mother. I will pray that the Holy Spirit may enlighten your minds and your hearts as you work through this situation.

Thank you so much for the update. Please let us know how things turned out. I am very glad that you are getting your husband in on this as well. Support helps so much.

God Bless.
Anathama Sit
 
May the most just, the most lovable, and the most high Will of God be done, be fufilled, be praised and exalted in all things forever. Amen.
 
Well yesterday went well but felt a little Twilight Zone like. When we arrived at my parents house both my mom & dad were in very good moods. Apparently they took the dog to the local big box pet supply store and a person there explained how to get the dog to sleep in his crate. The crate is now in the kitchen/dining area (center of the house) and the dog slept in the crate all night with the door open and didn’t bark. So now my dad is happy because he felt sorry for the dog locked in the laundry room and my mom is happy because the dog doesn’t wander around the house at night.

I tried to implement my original plan but my dad had already taken the dog for a walk and was tired. So my husband and daughter took the dog for a walk. Everyone was so happy it felt awkward to bring it up. My dad went out for pizza and when he came back he also had roses for my mother. :eek: (Twilight zone)

My daughter and I bathed the dog. We all played with dog, and sat around and had nice conversation. When it was time to leave I thought if I don’t do this now I won’t do it. So I asked my mom into her bedroom to talk.

I started by saying “It was really nice today” she agreed and gave me a hug. I said I don’t want to ruin today by argument but I need to talk to you about something. I explained how I couldn’t listen to her talk about my dad ect. She was resistant at first and started right away with negative things about my dad I tried to stop her and she wouldn’t so I put my hands over my ears and said I can’t listened to this. Things got settled and went over a few things.

She actually agreed I was right about somethings (like its not good for my daughter to hear her grandparents fight the way they do for example). Which if you knew my mom I’m not right about anything. Anyway it ended in agreement. Do I think she’ll miraculously stop complaining about my dad to me? No. But now she knows if she does, I will leave (or hang up). I had to agree to not butt into her fights with my dad, which I haven’t done since I was a teen. She insists that I have but could not give me one example.

I think your prayers were definitely heard because things went far better than I expected. She actually listened to me without attacking me which never happens.
 
Greetings Rayne89,

I am so glad to hear things went good. I shall with the grace of God continue to pray for you and your mother. If there are any changes please let us know.

God Bless.
Anathama Sit
May the Lord Jesus Christ continue to bless you and your mother with his peace and comfort. May you both have all the graces and strengthes that you are in most need of to come to a closer Union with Him and with one another. Amen.
 
May the Lord Jesus Christ continue to grant you and your mother all of the graces and strengthes that you stand in most need of to come to a Closer Union with God and with one another according to His Perfect and Holy Will. Amen.
 
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