Pleasure in Marriage vs. Self-Mortification

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Born2beCatholic

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As Catholics, we are called to self-mortification. Being of sober mind means more than just staying away from too much alcohol. Mother Angelica said one can be drunk on gossip or other things.

Am I falling further away from virtue when I choose to delight in the sexual stimulation I get when I nurture and become more intimate with my wife on a daily basis?

(My wife and I use NFP). She works hard. She enjoys a good back rub or foot massage. As I was giving her these nearly every evening, I found myself way more sexually stimulated, therefore I enjoy doing these things, not only because it pleases her, but it pleases me too, but also in a sensual way.

While I do the things I mentioned above, I start to crave the stimulation more. There is a two edged sword here. My wife enjoys these bak rubs & foot massages, but it seems that if I continue, I’m failing to mortify myself from pleasures of the flesh.

It seems that when I begin to crave to be intimate with her, crave to be close to her, I’m not doing my part to mortify myself. Is it a part of love to accept the pleasure that comes from it, or, does delighting in the pleasure mean a red flag should go up? Am I not accepting a gift the Lord provides?
 
Well, honey, I’m not any kind of authority, but making love with your wife isn’t a bad thing. It’s meant to increase your intimacy in all ways, to join you closer together. If each of your marital acts is open to procreation, and ends in that manner, I don’t see where enjoying the “embrace” is a problem.

My thoughts are you’re thinking too much. It’s easy to think that something you like is probably not good for you. But if you’re strengthening your marriage and making each other feel more loved and secure, and still staying within the bounds of being open to life, this is a good thing. God made it feel good so you’d want to do it. You’re supposed to like it.

You can deny yourself something else. Stop drinking soda or eating chicken wings. I’m not trying to make light of mortification, but you don’t have to do it 24/7. Maybe you could try doing something positive instead, like spending an hour each week in adoration, or getting to confession every week. I have a long commute, and say the Chaplet of Divine Mercy every day on the way home, and usually a decade or two of the rosary. By then I’m in pretty bad traffic and need to pay more attention to driving.

What’d I would suggest is this: If you’re worried about it, talk to the priest. Either make an appointment to see him or tell him in confession. You could also ask your question in Ask an Apologist for an authoritative answer.
 
born2becatholic,there is nothing wrong in enjoying giving your wife these things.I do see your problem is in that you have become attached to the pleasure it gives you.And when your "pleasure"is not quenched by the marital embrace you become “frustrated”?
For myself it is almost impossible not to become aroused by giving my wife a back rub.
If this also the case for you, you have a difficult task in seperating your pleasure from giving her pleasure (relief\comfort)…
Sorry the words are failing me in my attempt to convey what i am trying to say here.i will try to get back later to attempt to get out what i am trying to get out.
 
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot." Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2

"a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak". Ecclesiastes 3: 4-7

“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. [John 14: 11]
“…In Your presence is fullness of joy…” [Psalm 16:11]

“Laugh and grow strong,” St. Ignatius.
"The soul of one who serves God, always swims in joy, always keeps holiday, and is always in a mood for singing."St. John of the Cross.
“It is always springtime in the heart that loves God,” St. John Vianney
“From silly devotions and from sour-faced saints, good Lord, deliver us.” St. Teresa of Avila
 
Born2beCatholic said:
As Catholics, we are called to self-mortification. Being of sober mind means more than just staying away from too much alcohol. Mother Angelica said one can be drunk on gossip or other things.

Am I falling further away from virtue when I choose to delight in the sexual stimulation I get when I nurture and become more intimate with my wife on a daily basis?

(My wife and I use NFP). She works hard. She enjoys a good back rub or foot massage. As I was giving her these nearly every evening, I found myself way more sexually stimulated, therefore I enjoy doing these things, not only because it pleases her, but it pleases me too, but also in a sensual way.

While I do the things I mentioned above, I start to crave the stimulation more. There is a two edged sword here. My wife enjoys these bak rubs & foot massages, but it seems that if I continue, I’m failing to mortify myself from pleasures of the flesh.

It seems that when I begin to crave to be intimate with her, crave to be close to her, I’m not doing my part to mortify myself. Is it a part of love to accept the pleasure that comes from it, or, does delighting in the pleasure mean a red flag should go up? Am I not accepting a gift the Lord provides?
Click to expand...
Run, don’t walk, to your nearest online bookstore and purchase a copy of Christopher West’s Good News About Sex and Marriage which is based upon John Paul II’s Theology of the Body.

You and your wife will be glad you did.
 
Trishie said:
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot." Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2

"a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak". Ecclesiastes 3: 4-7

“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. [John 14: 11]
“…In Your presence is fullness of joy…” [Psalm 16:11]

“Laugh and grow strong,” St. Ignatius.
"The soul of one who serves God, always swims in joy, always keeps holiday, and is always in a mood for singing."St. John of the Cross.
“It is always springtime in the heart that loves God,” St. John Vianney
“From silly devotions and from sour-faced saints, good Lord, deliver us.” St. Teresa of Avila
Click to expand...
All those quotes are great. I like them a lot! Are the one’s of the saints authentic? Where did you find them?

Thank you for contributing your suggestions (all of you). Thank all of you for sharing your concern in helping a fellow neighbor to be filled with God’s joy, peace, and gratitude!!! I appreciate and welcome all and any new suggestions you may have!
 
Trishie said:
"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot." Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2

"a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak". Ecclesiastes 3: 4-7

“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. [John 14: 11]
“…In Your presence is fullness of joy…” [Psalm 16:11]

“Laugh and grow strong,” St. Ignatius.
"The soul of one who serves God, always swims in joy, always keeps holiday, and is always in a mood for singing."St. John of the Cross.
“It is always springtime in the heart that loves God,” St. John Vianney
“From silly devotions and from sour-faced saints, good Lord, deliver us.” St. Teresa of Avila
Click to expand...
Since we’re on the topic of joy, especially that quote of St. John of the Cross, what do you think about me listening to rock music from the 70’s, 80’s, and early 90’s with Rated PG-13 lyrics. This music puts a smile on my face like no other. However, some of the lyrics are distasteful. Some songs hint about fornication and the like. I stopped listening to them. I used to listen to them more due to the beat and familiarity then to the lyrics. I would enjoy very very much listening to them again. Am I being scrupulous if I refuse to do so, or am I gloryfying God more by refusing to?
 
Born2beCatholic said:
Since we’re on the topic of joy, especially that quote of St. John of the Cross, what do you think about me listening to rock music from the 70’s, 80’s, and early 90’s with Rated PG-13 lyrics. This music puts a smile on my face like no other. However, some of the lyrics are distasteful. Some songs hint about fornication and the like. I stopped listening to them. I used to listen to them more due to the beat and familiarity then to the lyrics. I would enjoy very very much listening to them again… Am I being scrupulous if I refuse to do so, or am I gloryfying God more by refusing to?
Click to expand...
in response to the last sentence…BOTH…😃
Look at it this way one goes to the beach and sees ladies wearing bikinis vs one who goes to the beach TO see ladies wearing bikinis…
Are you listening to the music because of the lyrical content(bc it is racy) or just because you like the way the tune sounds.
 
Born2beCatholic said:
As Catholics, we are called to self-mortification. Being of sober mind means more than just staying away from too much alcohol. Mother Angelica said one can be drunk on gossip or other things.

Am I falling further away from virtue when I choose to delight in the sexual stimulation I get when I nurture and become more intimate with my wife on a daily basis?

(My wife and I use NFP). She works hard. She enjoys a good back rub or foot massage. As I was giving her these nearly every evening, I found myself way more sexually stimulated, therefore I enjoy doing these things, not only because it pleases her, but it pleases me too, but also in a sensual way.

While I do the things I mentioned above, I start to crave the stimulation more. There is a two edged sword here. My wife enjoys these bak rubs & foot massages, but it seems that if I continue, I’m failing to mortify myself from pleasures of the flesh.

It seems that when I begin to crave to be intimate with her, crave to be close to her, I’m not doing my part to mortify myself. Is it a part of love to accept the pleasure that comes from it, or, does delighting in the pleasure mean a red flag should go up? Am I not accepting a gift the Lord provides?
Click to expand...
I think it’s perfectly okay to wring *every last drop *of pleasure out of the sexual experience. This pleasure was God’s idea in the first place. Enjoy & Thank God!

:cool:
 
Born2beCatholic said:
Since we’re on the topic of joy, especially that quote of St. John of the Cross, what do you think about me listening to rock music from the 70’s, 80’s, and early 90’s with Rated PG-13 lyrics. This music puts a smile on my face like no other. However, some of the lyrics are distasteful. Some songs hint about fornication and the like. I stopped listening to them. I used to listen to them more due to the beat and familiarity then to the lyrics. I would enjoy very very much listening to them again. Am I being scrupulous if I refuse to do so, or am I gloryfying God more by refusing to?
Click to expand...
 
Self Mortification of the primitive human senses as defined and prescribed by St John Of The Cross, St. Theresa of Avila, and St.Thomas a Kempis amongst other popular Saints should be the most sought after goal of every Catholic who genuinely claims to love God. St. John of the Cross goes on to say that NO human being is capable of self mortification unless God himself brings that person on that Spiritual journey through the Dark Night of the Soul. The same Dark Night and Surrender of their human senses and their very human Soul itself to the Glory of God. The same Dark Night Jesus went through when He accepted Crucifixion and Death on the Cross. Their are Martha’s and Mary’s amongst all Catholics. Mary choose the better spiritual journey. Can mortification be accomplished through the vocation of Holy Matrimony ? Yes it can. With God nothing is impossible. We too as Catholics must be willing to pronounce are FIAT to Christ Jesus as the Virgin Mary did when she said; Be It Done Me According To Thy Word. Not My Will But Yours Be Done Lord.
 
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