Poet writing hymns--criticism and suggestion please? (2)

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pgepps

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I posted another thread with more explanation, but wanted to put a second piece out here for your criticisms and suggestions:
Code: 
"On the Altar"

The Father on the altar receives his only Son
Provided for His faithful, who offer Him as one;
As Mary welcomed Jesus, as Joseph loved his bride,
So Christ joins to His Body each child for which He died.

Christ Jesus, who was always both God and Father’s Son,
Whose face, upon the mountain, shone like the rising sun,
Chose Mary for a mother, then called her to His side,
From which poured blood and water when Love Incarnate died.

That Love of God the Spirit descending on the Son
Plants new life in His faithful until the work is done;
Until, as at Creation, the waters deep and wide,
Enlivened by that Spirit, part to reveal that Bride.

The Bride breathes in the Spirit who joins her to the Son,
And they share gifts the Father supplied to make them one.
Returning to the altar where her Beloved died,
The Body that she offers makes her a fruitful Bride.

*setting:  St. Theodulph, Aurelia  (7.6.7.6.D)*
PGE  12-21-2014
And here’s the St. Theodulph setting: youtube.com/watch?v=DbCMyq111s8
And here’s Aurelia: youtube.com/watch?v=_UaYAVm2R28

I am not at all sure which I prefer–probably Aurelia?

Again, I thank you for any comments you care to make.

Best,
PGE

(if you’re interested, here’s the collection of poems where I published this: lulu.com/shop/peter-g-epps/the-clay-pot/paperback/product-22747311.html )
 
Just one niggle – I believe that it is considered not the best of forms to rhyme homophones (Son - sun). Other than that – very nicely crafted. As for settings, Aurelia wins by a nose.
 
I find St. Theodulph more apt for the poem,
I love “All glory Laud and honor”
 
DaveBj said:
Just one niggle – I believe that it is considered not the best of forms to rhyme homophones (Son - sun). Other than that – very nicely crafted. As for settings, Aurelia wins by a nose.
Click to expand...
I like your “niggle.” Thank you.
 
GLam8833 said:
I find St. Theodulph more apt for the poem,
I love “All glory Laud and honor”
Click to expand...
Me, too.

I’ll tell you a not-really guilty secret: When I re-read this, it’s most often the setting “Missionary Hymn” that comes to mind. (I used to sing “From Greenland’s Icy Mountains” a lot as a Baptist.) Here’s that one: youtube.com/watch?v=lczChJCnY_4

Cheers, thanks!
 
From Greenland’s icy Mountains is a beautiful melody!
But I don’t think it is appropriate for the lyrics.
 
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