Politics in relationships

[AllSeasons]

I’m see this girl, and the topic of politics came up. We’re both practicing Catholics, but have different political views. She’s center left, and I’m center right. She thinks this could be a problem down the line, especially given her career aspirations in social work. Also, she’s concerned how this may play out in the education of future children, if it gets to that. What are your opinions on this? Thank you in advance.

 

[Chesterton18]

I guess it depends. I’m a fairly political person but, generally, I don’t think politics should play much a role in education of children. Unless her center-left politics causes her to disagree with central teachings of the church (abortion, birth control, etc) it shouldn’t be a huge problem. I think Catholic teaching is quite consistent with either center-left or center-right economic policies, and kids can work out where they stand on those sorts of issues themselves.

 

[Allegra]

As long as neither of your political beliefs aren’t contrary to the teachings of the Church, I don’t see this as an impediment to a happy marriage. What sort of social work does she do? I don’t see why this work inherenly would go against your religious views. I think you should discuss this with her and determine specifically what issues she is concerned with. It might be that they aren’t issues at all.

 

[bigfootbob]

I personally couldn’t date someone with political views on moral issues that were substantially different than my own because I couldn’t respect them. Concerning children’s educations, they should be taught wrong from right and understand that. Their political choices will follow accordingly.

 

[austenbosten]

If James “The Ragin’ Cajun” Carville can be married to Mary Matalin (a big-time Republican) for almost 20 years, then I see no problem with differing politics in relationships. You are marrying each other for your character and love for eachother, not your politics. No one ever said, I married her/him because they were a Republican/Democrat.

However frankly I’d be weary of this girl, if she thinks politics would be a problem. Something tells me she has an extremely low-tolerance for differing views (bad trait if you want marriage) and she’s looking for Mr. Perfect, which means she’s going to be flighty and cause a lot of problems.

 

[AllSeasons]

I personally couldn’t date someone with political views on moral issues that were substantially different than my own because I couldn’t respect them. Concerning children’s educations, they should be taught wrong from right and understand that. Their political choices will follow accordingly.

What if you did agree on moral things, like abortion, contraceptives, traditional marriage, family values, etc., but disagreed on things like universal heath care, renewable energy, etc.?

 

[RPRPsych]

What if you did agree on moral things, like abortion, contraceptives, traditional marriage, family values, etc., but disagreed on things like universal heath care, renewable energy, etc.?

While this can be a cause for concern, it need not always be a make-or-break issue.

As long as neither party is a raging activist, I think a reasonable compromise can be reached on most of these issues.

 

[3DOCTORS]

On any moral issue, for me it would be a dealbreaker - example, if a guy I dated was pro-abortion would be an obvious example. Many years ago I thought for awhile that it would be okay to have an “agree to disagree” relationship. But it spills over into other emotional areas for me if a guy isn’t strong in following the teachings of the Magisterium and regularly practicing his Catholic faith. If I feel like I have to nag, argue, cajole, convince, or just give up trying (and feel this emptiness and lack of unity) I find it depressing.

 

[bigfootbob]

What if you did agree on moral things, like abortion, contraceptives, traditional marriage, family values, etc., but disagreed on things like universal heath care, renewable energy, etc.?

I don’t want to derail this thread, so if you disagree with me on certain issues, don’t argue here. PM me or start another thread if you must

For me, it comes down to justice (what is fair and correct). I personally believe that required health care for everyone is unjust. as far as renewable energy goes, if it works, fine, but I think some of the things they do are unjust. I’m not going to go into detail.

All in all, if I think something is grossly unjust, it is very important to me. If it comes down to a difference in opinion over how things should be done, then I can respect that.

 

[AllSeasons]

As long as neither party is a raging activist, I think a reasonable compromise can be reached on most of these issues.

It’s very interesting that you say that. I would say that she definitely has an activist side. She is very passionate about her work, which is one of the things that I like about her. I like the fact that she wants to do good and bring about social justice, etc., because it’s something that I don’t get to do in my corporate job. However, the side effect of that is that she wants to find someone who can support her in her passion for such endeavors. I feel like I can do that, but I don’t think I will feel as passionate about them, so I won’t be able to share in that as much. I don’t know if she would be okay with that, and she’s taking some time to think about that, as well.

 

[Allegra]

What if you did agree on moral things, like abortion, contraceptives, traditional marriage, family values, etc., but disagreed on things like universal heath care, renewable energy, etc.?

I think a difference in opinion on universal health insurance and renewable energy are not going to effect a marriage. As longs a you can agree that there will be universal health insurance in the household and you’ll use those screwy lightbulbs in your lamps, I don’t see a problem. Neither one of those issues are going to effect your relationship or your family.

Besides that, I think most people would love it if everyone could get whatever medical care they needed for free. The question is, at what cost. I’m pretty sure that even the most staunch proponants of socialistic health systems have a cost that they aren’t willing to pay to get it. It might be something outrageous to the rest of us, but I’m sure it exists. If there was a system that provided free healthcare without infringing on the rights of other people, then I think everyone would support it. The problem is, that it is unlikely that such a plan could exist. So the question is, how much are we willing to sacrifice to get it?

 

[Allegra]

It’s very interesting that you say that. I would say that she definitely has an activist side. She is very passionate about her work, which is one of the things that I like about her. I like the fact that she wants to do good and bring about social justice, etc., because it’s something that I don’t get to do in my corporate job. However, the side effect of that is that she wants to find someone who can support her in her passion for such endeavors. I feel like I can do that, but I don’t think I will feel as passionate about them, so I won’t be able to share in that as much. I don’t know if she would be okay with that, and she’s taking some time to think about that, as well.

The question for me would be, what are those endevours going to be? Is she fighting for the rights of the aged in abusive nursing facilities? I could get on board with that. Is she handing out condoms to 13-year-olds? That’s going to be a deal breaker. That why I would recommend a thorough discussion with her.

 

[RPRPsych]

It’s very interesting that you say that. I would say that she definitely has an activist side. She is very passionate about her work, which is one of the things that I like about her. I like the fact that she wants to do good and bring about social justice, etc., because it’s something that I don’t get to do in my corporate job. However, the side effect of that is that she wants to find someone who can support her in her passion for such endeavors. I feel like I can do that, but I don’t think I will feel as passionate about them, so I won’t be able to share in that as much. I don’t know if she would be okay with that, and she’s taking some time to think about that, as well.

Well, being passionate about a cause is good - provided that the cause is just!

Take the following with a pinch of salt from a celibate non-priest, but who has done his share of study in this area…

Having said that, I would also point out that both of you are now single. Marriage, and having children more specifically, dramatically cuts into the time left for any sort of activism. This may prove to be a Providential solution , but on the other hand it could also become a bone of contention (just as family vs. career can become an issue.)

Ultimately, it depends on whether you’re willing to work things out and find a common ground, leaving each other free to “dissent” on non-essentials. Successful marriages depend a lot on charitable compromise and negotiation, regardless of political orientation.

 

[Catholic1954]

It’s very interesting that you say that. I would say that she definitely has an activist side. She is very passionate about her work, which is one of the things that I like about her. I like the fact that she wants to do good and bring about social justice, etc., because it’s something that I don’t get to do in my corporate job. However, the side effect of that is that she wants to find someone who can support her in her passion for such endeavors. I feel like I can do that, but I don’t think I will feel as passionate about them, so I won’t be able to share in that as much. I don’t know if she would be okay with that, and she’s taking some time to think about that, as well.

It sounds like she is expecting more of you than just approval and moral support. If she goes to a protest rally, is she okay with you staying home and telling her to go for it, or, does she want you by her side carrying a sign and taunting the police? If she wants someone down in the trenches with her and you are not up to that, it is better to go your seperate ways now.

 

[Ohana]

What if you did agree on moral things, like abortion, contraceptives, traditional marriage, family values, etc., but disagreed on things like universal heath care, renewable energy, etc.?

Sounds like a recipe for some lively family discussions! My parents always cancelled each others vote, but they had a near 50 year marriage.

 

[Bklynguy]

If James “The Ragin’ Cajun” Carville can be married to Mary Matalin (a big-time Republican) for almost 20 years, then I see no problem with differing politics in relationships. You are marrying each other for your character and love for eachother, not your politics. No one ever said, I married her/him because they were a Republican/Democrat.

However frankly I’d be weary of this girl, if she thinks politics would be a problem. Something tells me she has an extremely low-tolerance for differing views (bad trait if you want marriage) and she’s looking for Mr. Perfect, which means she’s going to be flighty and cause a lot of problems.

Good post. Differing politics is fine but tread lightly if she thinks it might be a problem. I am going out on a limb and may offend some people with this statement: I generally find those on the center-left to be extremely intolerant of other views. Those on the center-right might disagree vehemently with the center-left; however, they aren’t typically offended, and it seems many on the center-left are. I don’t know why this is, but just an observation.

 

[AllSeasons]

Sounds like a recipe for some lively family discussions! My parents always cancelled each others vote, but they had a near 50 year marriage.

Good to hear that! I’m a Romney supporter, and she’s an Obama supporter.

 

[nan]

Ohoh - that could be a deal breaker as the current prez is rabidly proabortion.

 

[RPRPsych]

Good to hear that! I’m a Romney supporter, and she’s an Obama supporter.

My personal interactions with Obama supporters (admittedly few) have generally been negative…

However, there are some things that Obama stands for or endorses (abortion, “evolved gay marriage”, and general spinelessness) that completely contradict Catholic teachings, even if one is a “centre-left” Catholic. So, I agree with Nan - that could prove to be a huge bone of contention.

(Not that Catholic = Republican - in fact, the ease with which some make that assumption disturbs me - but it’s hard to justify endorsing a candidate whose views are frankly anti-Catholic on many issues.)

 

[AllSeasons]

Ohoh - that could be a deal breaker as the current prez is rabidly proabortion.

She’s pro-life, but she doesn’t think it should be the only consideration when choosing to support a presidential candidate. She’s also Canadian, so she may not be as familiar with US politics.