Poll on importance of looks....Are they really that important?

  • Thread starter Thread starter SocaliCatholic
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SocaliCatholic

Guest
What is the purpose of looks anyways? It is so much more fullfilling to be around people who are good spirited and good hearted!
 
40.png
SocaliCatholic:
What is the purpose of looks anyways? It is so much more fullfilling to be around people who are good spirited and good hearted!
Click to expand...
I agree with you. But how someone choses to take care of themselves is important also.
Looks as a whole ugly or cute should not matter, but how someone compliments the gifts God gave them is important.
If God made you a plain Jane and gave you the spirit of good heartedness and you do not use this talent. (Instead walking around with your head down) because you are not beautiful. Then you have chosen to be ugly.
Basically it is how one uses the talents God gives them.
If your question is ugly or beautiful no one should not look for beauty in a person. We all get old and age, and are not so beautiful in the end. But the beauty from within always shines through.
 
I voted yes, but not for vanity. One should be attracted to your spouse, not in the form of modern view of sexuality. But of seeing them taken care of themselves like clean hair, clean clothes, and other simular attractions.

But to be honest God made a womans body the most beautiful thing on this earth. Whether you look at it with perversion is up to you.
 
I voted yes, speaking for myself, I was first attracted to my spouses because of their good looks…then…I fell in love with who they really were. Kind, loving,caring, holy God fearing wholesome men who had both love and respect for me and for others!🙂
 
I voted yes, so long as one keeps in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 🙂
 
Yes, I think looks are important when seeking a spouse! I have been married and divorced twice (including annumlments) and found each man to be very handsome, in different ways. Their attractiveness is what caught my eye initially. Neither was handsome in the traditional sense of the word, so it is very true what other posters have said: Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder!
 
40.png
NightRider:
Yes, I think looks are important when seeking a spouse! I have been married and divorced twice (including annumlments) and found each man to be very handsome, in different ways. Their attractiveness is what caught my eye initially. Neither was handsome in the traditional sense of the word, so it is very true what other posters have said: Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder!
Click to expand...
I am not sure if you see the irony of your post…maybe I am just reading it wrong?

To have been married and divorced/annulled twice to men you found physically attractive would tend to not support your answer of “yes, I think looks are important when seeking a spouse”. Maybe you just meant it in the simplest sense that you would not have found a spouse at all if they had not attracted you with their physical looks in the first place?

But obviously looks were not important in keeping the spouse…

I think the distinction needs to be made that yes, physical attraction is part of the natural relationship betweem men and women, but it is not the only one or even the deciding factor. But it is still important. Every spouse, man or woman, deserves to feel loved and cherished and desired by their spouse. So I also think it is unfair to marry someone you know you are not attracted to just because they would make a great mother/father/provider/nuturer etc.

So my answer is yes, looks are an important part of finding a spouse, but not the only part, or the most important part.

Finella

p.s. I would never have found my spouse if it weren’t for his incredible good looks:heart:
 
Yes. Clothing is a form of communication. If clothing wasn’t so important why are there dress codes in various situations. Why ever once in a while there is a thread about what to wear at Mass? I like the outside to look like the inside.

My husband is cute and in shape, but argh with his fashion sense.
 
Okay it seems like people are in agreement that its ok to be attracted first to someone based on looks but why are some people not as attractive as others?

Why did God set it up that way? The media only has so much to do with it, some people are just better looking than others.
 
Social, please remember that different times have different “standards of attractiveness”.

The female standard of beauty “Today” is not at all the same as that of 50, 100, 200 or more years ago.

The male standard of handsomeness “today” is not the same as that of 50, 100, 200 or more years ago.

Many of the people you think “not attractive” by your own personal standards would be considered attractive by others, by other time periods, by other societies and cultures.

Because of the globalization in the past few decades, the “American” standard of beauty may be more prevalent throughout the world, but it still is just one more standard, which can–and will–change over time.
 
I remember reading about a pyschology study that was done among college aged women and men a few years ago, which showed many interesting factors about what was considered “attractive”, and what had been considered “attractive” at other times.

Look back at the Victorian age. Men of that time were full bearded, because a beard was felt to convey “masculinity”, virility, affluence, stability. How many bearded men do you see today, especially among young men? Are the beards full and well kept, or are they scruffy, and convey rather the standard of “non conformity”?

Look at women in the Victorian age. The ideal “lady” had an exaggeratedly female shape, which was actually achieved by tight lacing and corseting, to the point that, in order to reflect the “beauty” of that time, women actually DIED because their lungs, liver, heart, kidneys etc. were distorted and even crushed over time? Now, women’s shape is exaggeratedly androgenous, and many women starve themselves into anorexia and bulimia to achieve that “boyish yet bosomy” look, the “heroin chic” of Kate Moss. . .and pay for their sacrifice with increased health risks from poor nutrition?

Every era has its standards of beauty, and every standard has its positives and negatives.
 
I also saw an interesting program on why people are attracted to certain types of people…

It had a lot to do with similarity. People are generally (and this doesn’t mean everyone) attracted to people who look similar to themselves. And this isn’t instantly recognizable to most people because of the more obvious differences between men and women…

Take my husband and myself for example… I personally never noticed any similarity… but we have been mistaken for brother and sister on more occassions than I can remember!

And before anyone gets cute, his dad was not our milkman:D (and for those of you who were not blessed with a sense of humor, this is a joke)

Does anyone else have a strong resemblance to their spouse?

Finella
 
Tantum ergo:
Social, please remember that different times have different “standards of attractiveness”.

The female standard of beauty “Today” is not at all the same as that of 50, 100, 200 or more years ago.

The male standard of handsomeness “today” is not the same as that of 50, 100, 200 or more years ago.

Many of the people you think “not attractive” by your own personal standards would be considered attractive by others, by other time periods, by other societies and cultures.

Because of the globalization in the past few decades, the “American” standard of beauty may be more prevalent throughout the world, but it still is just one more standard, which can–and will–change over time.
Click to expand...
Okay I see your point, but why did God set things up so that a man or woman would find attractive more than just one person? Do you see the irony? Its very confusing to be attracted to more than just your future spouse, which makes you wonder if you’ve chosen the right one.
 
40.png
SocaliCatholic:
Okay I see your point, but why did God set things up so that a man or woman would find attractive more than just one person? Do you see the irony? Its very confusing to be attracted to more than just your future spouse, which makes you wonder if you’ve chosen the right one.
Click to expand...
Looks are important, certainly, but I would hope that you would get to know the people in question beyond their looks and choose a spouse based on the non-visible qualities. Otherwise you’ll have more problems than “which one is better looking?”. Why would you base your choice of the person with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life solely on how physically attractive they are? Looks fade, personality doesn’t. And if you’re really wondering if you’ve chosen the right future spouse every time you see a pretty woman or handsome man go by, then I think the answer is clear: You haven’t. Stop stringing your fiance along.

As for me, yes, I do think my husband is very attractive. It’s what I first noticed about him. However, the relationship wouldn’t have gone anywhere if he had been a jerk. As he is most definitely NOT a jerk and is my best friend and true love, I don’t have a single doubt that I married the man that God chose for me. Do I find some other men handsome? Sure. Do I wonder if I should leave my husband and our life together to run off with said other handsome man? Not a chance.
 
I am quite surprised at the number of people who place such a premium on looks. My mother always said that looks will fade and not to marry somebody because of looks. Of course one needs to be attracted to his or her mate, but for me intelligence and personality were the most important as were shared values.

My husband is attractive to me partly because of his personality and high intelligence. He is a wonderful father and the type of guy who will never stray.

I think it is superficial to judge on looks, and I never comment on people’s looks to my children. I want them to judge people for who they are on the inside.

As a teacher, I saw a lot of students suffer a great deal of cruelty from beautiful people just because they were “ugly.” I think many of these people would make great husbands and wives because they will have more empathy.

I agree that you can’t marry somebody who repulses you. You must find the person attractive and have that spark going, but for somebody with depth of character, the attraction will also come from the brain and shared values.
 
I’m sorry, but I like hotties. But, I think “hot” is quite a broad category. There’s no one hairstyle, weight or eye color. It has a LOT to do with personality. For example, a girl who the world would consider merely “pretty” but who’s a faithful, orthodox Catholic with a little attitude is HOT!
 
40.png
montanaman:
I’m sorry, but I like hotties. But, I think “hot” is quite a broad category. There’s no one hairstyle, weight or eye color. It has a LOT to do with personality. For example, a girl who the world would consider merely “pretty” but who’s a faithful, orthodox Catholic with a little attitude is HOT!
Click to expand...
Hi Montanaman!

Hope you’ve found another church (a Catholic Church) other than that big screen pick up joint you visited equipped with Starbucks, etc.!!! Hope so! How old are ya anyway? 22 or so?

I do think once a person matures in their faith and every other way, looks are not as important at all. If I was single now, looks would be at the bottom of my list in what’s important and truly valuable in a man. Also, so many more qualities are much more important in keeping a marriage in tact other than looks. Many many folks would say I bet that they married based on the “hottie” theory----it doesn’t last!!! It’s what’s on the inside —CHARACTER that matters!!!

God Bless You~~
 
Lol. That was by far the best slapping I’ve ever received. Good job!

I was trying to be a little tongue-in-cheek. As per usual, it came off very, very badly. (Imagine my sense of humor at crowded parties–I’m usually used to clear the house when it goes on too late…)

Naturally, character is everything. But I resent the idea that there’s some kind of dichotomy between character and looks. I would also challenge the assertion many people offer that looks ALWAYS take a backseat in the romantic decision-making process. I’m not saying everyone here is doing that–I’m just saying that looks probably saturate our thinking more than we want to admit. And, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Hypothetical situation (and I apologize if it’s already been presented above): You meet two people (men or women depending on your gender) who are both very similar to your ideal Catholic mate. One is far better looking than the other. Who do you choose?

Obviously there will be other complications and textures to the decision, but I submit that most people will find out they are very human.

And by the way–I’m 30 years old. Perhaps going on 22, but I’m growing up more every day. 😉
 
I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying that there is an attraction factor built into meeting and marrying your spouse. What I think the question always hinges on in reality is does that mean any of us should focus on the external at the expense of the internal. And the answer to that is no. If you are in good relationship with God and taking care of business in your spiritual life, you are going to show that on the outside. No amount of coverup or mascara is going to make you look better and no matter how much a guy spends on clothes is going to make a difference if he’s not right with God and the Church. We spend far too much time focused on whether the outside looks right, when the real question is are we doing God’s will. If we’re doing God’s will, the outside follows. When you’re in right relationship with God, you carry yourself better, more confidently, more comfortably because you aren’t worried about whether you’re pretty enough or handsome enough or good enough for this person or that person, you recognize that you are a child of God, made in His image and likeness and with equal dignity to every other child of God. The reality is that not every person that any one of us finds attractive is going to find us attractive in return… even the most beautiful woman will find a man who prefers someone shorter or taller, bustier or thinner, with black hair or blonde hair. No matter what we consider beautiful, someone else is going to consider us beautiful as well. The key is to recognize that when the time is appropriate and the person is appropriate you will both find each other mutually attractive and equally matched.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top