Poll: Should I take down Catholic items for family Thanksgiving?

[wmw]

I would leave the items where they are and lay some ground rules. This is your house and you are Catholic. Please don’t tell me how to practice my Faith. If you have questions about a particular item I will be happy to tell you about it but there will be no debate.

I like the ground rules idea, it should include that if anyone wants to question any practice of faith they should email after they get home. This is a time of our Thanksgiving gathering not a time of differences and debate. Discuss this with your spouse and agree on these rules well in advance.

 

[Ms_Manners]

Leave the stuff where it is.
It is your home. They may be your husband’s parents, but they are still guests and they can either respect you in your home or leave.

We have some Catholic things (crucifix, rosaries, books) and we have some people who are generally not too thrilled about religion, but no one has ever been rude enough to attack it in our house.

My MIL wasn’t happy when my husband decided to get baptised.
She was very negative about it and negative about us celebrating it and her coming to church to see it. On the day of the baptism she said that in her opinion he shouldn’t do it at all. His only response was that no one asked for her opinion.
I’ve seen him disagree with his parents, but that was the only time I’ve heard him talk to her in such a strict tone. Not yelling, not offensive, but a very clear matter-of-fact tone, adult to adult. And that was also the last time I’ve heard her such a comment from her.
Our wedding was also in a church, of course, and she was happy about the marriage, we like each other very much, but I don’t know if she had a negative opinion about the religious aspect of the wedding itself. She never said a word.
The big Bible, the fact that we go to church in their neighbourhood if we are there on Sunday… Not a single comment.

I have non-Catholic friends and I am okay discussing many things concerning religion or lack thereof. But conversation and discussion is one thing, attacking it just for the sake of spewing venom is something completely different and is not tolerated. From anyone.

Behind my back they tried to have an intervention for my husband last year when he told them he had joined RCIA.

What was his reaction to this?

 

[pianistclare]

Leave the stuff where it is.
It is your home. They may be your husband’s parents, but they are still guests and they can either respect you in your home or leave.

We have some Catholic things (crucifix, rosaries, books) and we have some people who are generally not too thrilled about religion, but no one has ever been rude enough to attack it in our house.

My MIL wasn’t happy when my husband decided to get baptised.
She was very negative about it and negative about us celebrating it and her coming to church to see it. On the day of the baptism she said that in her opinion he shouldn’t do it at all. His only response was that no one asked for her opinion.
I’ve seen him disagree with his parents, but that was the only time I’ve heard him talk to her in such a strict tone. Not yelling, not offensive, but a very clear matter-of-fact tone, adult to adult. And that was also the last time I’ve heard her such a comment from her.
Our wedding was also in a church, of course, and she was happy about the marriage, we like each other very much, but I don’t know if she had a negative opinion about the religious aspect of the wedding itself. She never said a word.
The big Bible, the fact that we go to church in their neighbourhood if we are there on Sunday… Not a single comment.

I have non-Catholic friends and I am okay discussing many things concerning religion or lack thereof. But conversation and discussion is one thing, attacking it just for the sake of spewing venom is something completely different and is not tolerated. From anyone.


What was his reaction to this?

Anxious to hear what his reaction to that was as well.
My response would have been:
*“Thankfully the Holy Spirit is not deterred by our deafness”. *

 

[QuasiCatholic]

I vote for putting away the Catholic magazines, prayer cards, etc. that aren’t household fixtures and for taking down anything overtly Catholic that’s in the guest room.

Maybe you can use some strategically placed holiday decorations to pull focus away from the other items without actually removing them.

I’m having the opposite problem at my house – just got married and many of our relatives gave us very large, very Catholic home decor items as presents. Our little apartment is going to look like a Catholic art museum!

 

[ServusHumilis]

I would say absolutely not. Hopefully they’ll decide to stay in a hotel if they’re that uncomfortable. You’re not the one with the problem.

 

[Todd977]

The Catholic Church has a penitential practice of covering or removing images and statues during Passiontide, especially after the Mass of the Lord’s Supper on Holy Thursday. If you were to practice a little of this form of penance during your in-laws’ visit, at least in those areas of your house where they are expected to be in, it seems that would be a win-win situation. However, I wouldn’t leave it at that. Your in-laws have a erroneous interpretation of the Bible’s prohibition against idols as a prohibition against all graven (3-dimensional) images. I suggest a little Bible reading before meals that support the legitimate use of graven images, that include passages such as Exodus 25:17-20; Numbers 21:4-9; 1 Kings 6:14-35; 1 Kings 7:23-39.

You might also want to leave a copy of Timothy Drake’s book, There We Stood, Here We Stand : Eleven Lutherans Rediscover Their Catholic Roots, out on your coffee table. And, if they show any interest in it, let them know they are welcome to read it, even take it home with them when they leave.

 

[pianistclare]

the catholic church has a penitential practice of covering or removing images and statues during passiontide, especially after the mass of the lord’s supper on holy thursday. If you were to practice a little of this form of penance during your in-laws’ visit, at least in those areas of your house where they are expected to be in, it seems that would be a win-win situation. However, i wouldn’t leave it at that. Your in-laws have a erroneous interpretation of the bible’s prohibition against idols as a prohibition against all graven (3-dimensional) images. I suggest a little bible reading before meals that support the legitimate use of graven images, that include passages such as exodus 25:17-20; numbers 21:4-9; 1 kings 6:14-35; 1 kings 7:23-39.

you might also want to leave a copy of timothy drake’s book, there we stood, here we stand : Eleven lutherans rediscover their catholic roots, out on your coffee table. And, if they show any interest in it, let them know they are welcome to read it, even take it home with them when they leave.

 

[angelic06]

You might also want to leave a copy of Timothy Drake’s book, There We Stood, Here We Stand : Eleven Lutherans Rediscover Their Catholic Roots, out on your coffee table. And, if they show any interest in it, let them know they are welcome to read it, even take it home with them when they leave.

(I endorse this.)

 

[angelic06]

Let me say this to those who say that Christ will not be ashamed simply because someone covers up their religious items simply to keep the peace. Maybe it is true.

However, when I came to my current parish eight years ago, there used to be items in the parish bulletin on some of the upcoming saints’ memorials. Often they were martyrs. Remember, many of these martyrs were shot to death (with arrows, mind you), burned alive, thrown to the animals because they refused to renounce their faith. Loss of self-respect in front of their accusers was the last thing on their minds.

Let me also say this: you are a Catholic household. If you take away your items simply to appease your relatives, you lose a good opportunity to give witness to them. I say, keep them up. If they abuse you on this account, know that God counts every one of their insults. However, if by any chance, someone asks you a question or shows genuine interest, there may be a chance you may win him or her to the Holy Catholic Faith. Even enemies admire someone who remains steadfast, as even the torturers/executioners admired the steadfastness of the martyrs.

 

[Ms_Manners]

One more thing that comes to my mind is the message you send by removing the Catholic items from your home - if they make enough of a scene, you will cave on any principle.

 

[livingwordunity]

One more thing that comes to my mind is the message you send by removing the Catholic items from your home - if they make enough of a scene, you will cave on any principle.

I agree. The ones who are against the Church are trying to evangelize Catholics to abandon their faith. And they would take it as a sign that their efforts are working.

 

[Avocadomom]

My uncle was a BIG hunter. Felt really passionate about the subject. Had heads mounted, skins displayed, you know the type. But, he knew it bugged my mom a lot. He knew she wouldn’t feel comfortable eating in his home with all the glassy eyes staring at her. So when she came over, they hid most of the “dead animal stuff” in a back room. Out of respect for their guests, and as a courtesy, and to avoid my mom making negative comments. It just made things easier. It didn’t change how my uncle felt about hunting, and we all knew he hadn’t changed his mind or his ways, but it was very much appreciated that he knew when to give it a rest and keep it discreet.

I’m not saying you could cleanse your home of every single religious item, but neither should you leave everything out to prove a point. Sure, it’s your house and your call, but as for me - I’d rather just have a pleasant visit. Especially because by now, you both already know where the other family stands.

 

[JRKH]

Let me say this to those who say that Christ will not be ashamed simply because someone covers up their religious items simply to keep the peace. Maybe it is true.

However, when I came to my current parish eight years ago, there used to be items in the parish bulletin on some of the upcoming saints’ memorials. Often they were martyrs. Remember, many of these martyrs were shot to death (with arrows, mind you), burned alive, thrown to the animals because they refused to renounce their faith. Loss of self-respect in front of their accusers was the last thing on their minds.

This is true…but let us not confuse putting a few religious objects aside for a few days with renouncing one’s faith. These are NOT the same thing by a long shot.

Let me also say this: you are a Catholic household. If you take away your items simply to appease your relatives, you lose a good opportunity to give witness to them. I say, keep them up. If they abuse you on this account, know that God counts every one of their insults. However, if by any chance, someone asks you a question or shows genuine interest, there may be a chance you may win him or her to the Holy Catholic Faith. Even enemies admire someone who remains steadfast, as even the torturers/executioners admired the steadfastness of the martyrs.

Well said.

Peace
James

 

[Book_Worm]

One more thing that comes to my mind is the message you send by removing the Catholic items from your home - if they make enough of a scene, you will cave on any principle.

This was my first thought also.

Leave them out. It would be gracious to remove them from the guest room. If any comments are passed, it’s up to your DH to say, kindly but firmly, that he will not tolerate disrespectful and rude comments about HIS religion in HIS house.

 

[JimG]

I remember a priest once talking about visits he made to his students’ households. He said that he could always tell which students were most at risk of losing their Faith because their households simply were bereft of Catholic things. Other households were markedly Catholic just from the Catholic items in the household. Those were, he thought, those whose faith was strongest, and it often turned out to be a good predictor of how well the family practiced their faith.

In any case, I wouldn’t recommend hiding away your Catholic items merely to appease anti-Catholics.

 

[Ms_Manners]

My uncle was a BIG hunter.

Are you really comparing a hobby (not to get into it about hunting of all possible things) and Jesus?

 

[JRKH]

Are you really comparing a hobby (not to get into it about hunting of all possible things) and Jesus?

That is not the comparison at all…It is about respect for the feelings of another.

I think we can all agree that the in-laws here should be respectful of the beliefs of the household they are coming to visit.
But I think it is also valid to suggest that that the host be respectful of the feelings of their guests.

And this is not about comparing a “hobby” and “Jesus”. It is about objects. Inanimate objects. The uncle removing the trophies does not change his views on hunting…The OP removing the statues etc does not change her views on Jesus.

I am a little troubled at what seems to me to be an apparent equating of religious objects to religious faith. If we are placing that much importance on them…no wonder some protestants believe us to be idolators.

Not trying to pick a fight…just trying to define the boundaries between what constitutes denying one’s faith and simply trying to act in a loving way towards another person.

Peace
James

 

[Magdalen2013]

Warning – the imp of the perverse is inspiring this post!

Were I in your shoes, I would go out and buy the most graphic crucifix I could get my hands on and put it up in the guest room, place a holy water font by every exit, and as many pictures of Mary, Jesus around the house as I could afford. Every evening the family would light candles and pray the Rosary together, and I’d invite the in-laws to participate…

Honestly, don’t hide your Catholic items – if your in-laws don’t like it, they’re free to stay in a hotel. I do think the suggestion of removing religious items from the guest room is a good idea.

Oh, and don’t forget to set up your Advent Wreath!

 

[Book_Worm]

That is not the comparison at all…It is about respect for the feelings of another.

I think we can all agree that the in-laws here should be respectful of the beliefs of the household they are coming to visit.
But I think it is also valid to suggest that that the host be respectful of the feelings of their guests.

And this is not about comparing a “hobby” and “Jesus”. It is about objects. Inanimate objects. The uncle removing the trophies does not change his views on hunting…The OP removing the statues etc does not change her views on Jesus.

I am a little troubled at what seems to me to be an apparent equating of religious objects to religious faith. If we are placing that much importance on them…no wonder some protestants believe us to be idolators.

Not trying to pick a fight…just trying to define the boundaries between what constitutes denying one’s faith and simply trying to act in a loving way towards another person.

Peace
James

To me the difference is many people find killing animals to be offensive. Taking the life of a living thing can be upsetting to many people. Even people who don’t have strong feelings about hunting can find it upsetting to have dead creatures staring at them.

If anyone finds the practice and innocuous signs of a major religion offensive, the problem lies within them.

 

[TxGodfollower]

I am debating whether or not to take down our Catholic stuff before they get here. I know they will make snide comments and ask questions all the while not listening to my answers but waiting for me to finish explaining so they can tell me how and why I am wrong. My great-grandmother’s picture of St. Therese is hanging in the living room, there’s a prayer table at the end of the hall (a candle, a crucifix, and a little bowl of holy water), a couple other crucifixes in different rooms, a Sacred Heart of Jesus picture on the windowsill in the kitchen, a framed picture of my daughter’s First Communion, St. Joseph missals strewn around, National Catholic Register on the coffee table. It’s so weird typing this out, I never considered our home over-the-top Catholic but the more Iook around and see our house through their eyes it’s like whoa.

Part of me just wants to put it all away and not have to explain things and risk the belittlement. The other part of me worries I will hurt Jesus’ feelings because this would sort of be like denying my faith. Has anyone else faced this dilemma and what did you do? Any encouraging words or advice would be appreciated.

Its your house, you can have out what you want. Plus, most of what you listed is pretty harmless things: an heirloom from your great-grandmother, couple of crucifixes, the Sacred Heart of Jesus picture I could see in a non-Catholic house, the picture of your daughters first communion is an important event in her life (Would they think of asking you to put away her high school graduation picture?) and some church material. Don’t see a big deal.