Poll: Should I take down Catholic items for family Thanksgiving?

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I voted no- it is YOUR house. How rude of them to criticize your house, your decorations, and you faith.
 
Your inlaws have severe boundary issues. It’s really you husband’s responsibility to set them straight. I, personally, wouldn’t invite rude, disrespectful people such as this into my home, family or not.
 
Dacinom said:
Wow, just wow.

Okay I am sorry but you didn’t mention earlier that you had young children. Forgive me but I get posters mixed up and I didn’t remember that you had children. That is a HUGE factor here!

Your obligation to your children surpasses any obligation to make your in-laws comfortable. Putting photos up in your home of Saints and keeping up a prayer table shows your children how important those things are to your family, you know this. Shoving them away to avoid friction is going to give you peace for four days MAYBE, but you will be sending a huge message to your children. Better your children see you fight and stand up for your faith that is what I would want my children to see! I am sorry you are going through this, I know what it feels like, please be assured of my prayers.
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Yes, you’ll be sending the huge message that there are times when you decide not to toss pearls before swine. It is not as if there is a lot of mystery about how Grandma responds to even the most subtle forms of evangelization. Our Lord did not teach us to jump in the mud and tussle with those who would like us to rip us to shreds for our trouble. He advised saving evangelization for those with some likelihood of profiting from it.

It can be explained by Dad that although these good things inspire us, Grandma is not inspired by these good things, but that they have been known to make her peevish. The family is replacing them with something else in order to avoid provoking her into a quarrel on Thanksgiving Day. It is not “hiding” the faith, because everyone is well aware that the family is Catholic, including Grandma. It is an effort to keep Grandma from a near occasion of sin. This is a merciful thing to do for her, not to mention everyone else stuck at the dinner table with her.
 
7_Sorrows said:
I didn’t know Lutherans saw a crucifix as idol worship.

You shouldn’t have to feel you are ashamed of your faith.

I certainly see nothing wrong with your prayer table, pictures on the wall.

You could put your Catholic books and journals in one place-they don’t necessarily need to be scattered everywhere.

Maybe you can find a way to share what your Catholic faith means to you. Answer any questions they might have.
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Speaking as a Lutheran, I have never heard a fellow Lutheran equating a crucifix with idol worship. And I have to really wonder what kind of Lutheran church they are going to as I have never heard blatant anti-Catholic remarks from the pulpit. Differences in doctrine and why the beliefs differ, yes, hatred and vilification, never. I have to think this attitude is more about their son’s conversion, not their church.

I have many Catholic relatives and we regularly stay with them. I have never been offended by their Catholic items, though the crucifixes in my grandma’s house scared me as a child, but I always felt a sense of unease in her house, so I don’t think it was specifically due to the crucifixes. I was also scared of the train that passed through town:o.
 
Keep them up. Expecting you to modify your home to suit their own bigotry is simply out of the question.

What if you were Eastern Catholic? These people have no more right to you changing your home to suit them than you have to them putting icons up in their home.

It’s your home, your rules.
 
Hello, I just wanted to let you know that I am dealing with a very similar issue. Right now as I’ve previously posted I’m dealing with a MIL who is protestant and completely against the catholic church and our family’s part in it. We have a young son as well and when Grandma comes over I’m ashamed to say that I do take down anything “catholic”. Picture’s of saints, crucifixes, rosary beads all go away… Unfortunately for us it can create huge issues that I just do not want to get into with her. I am working on becoming stronger and putting my foot down because if I don’t I think she will continue to make her comments about my faith. I will pray for you and your family. I honestly feel as though you should leave your things up, I’m sure you don’t go into your in-laws house and make rude comments about their things. I think the both of us just have to be stronger when it comes to people’s commentary. God bless your family and I hope you have a wonderful holiday.
 
EasterJoy said:
In-laws, whether the father/mother kind or the brother/sister kind are not run-of-the-mill guests. How you choose to get along with them will color every funeral, every wedding, and every holiday that you and they both attend.

There would be a limit to how much I’d turn my home around for visitors, but I would not give ammunition to a single family member looking to sow strife. Going the extra mile to deny those pretexts is often more than worth the effort.

Take the husband (son’s) cue on this. Do what he wants to do. If he wants to confront his parents, let him. If he doesn’t, then don’t. If he wants to actively avoid it, then do that.
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Guests get the same treatment in my home regardless of relationship. I maintain a consistent set of standards so there is no guessing games. I’m the same person today that I’ll be tomorrow. Let’s say the OP hides all the Catholic paraphernalia. The visit is still over shadowed by the MIL’s bigotry and the OP is uncomfortable in her own home. If the OP visits the in laws, do they put out the holy water and throw a picture of the pope up on the wall? She can hide and down play the faith but Our Lord warned that he came not to bring peace, but a sword. Families will turn against one another. She could subtlety deny Our Lord or pick up the cross. In regards to future events, the tone is already set. It’s out of her hands because the MIL is driving this drama. If you set a standard, insist on mutual respect, and enforce the standard, people tend to stay even keeled.
 
irisheyes17 said:
Hello, I just wanted to let you know that I am dealing with a very similar issue.
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I wish our in-laws (yours and mine) would understand that we just want to have a pleasant holiday visit. I just said a prayer for you, irisheyes, this is a sticky situation we’re in.
aTraditionalist said:
I understand keeping the peace but this is absurd. If any guest of mine could not respect my house, I’d show them the door. I have an obligation to my family to run a Catholic household. If I watered down or compromised the Faith, in the spirit of faux respect, what example would I be setting? I couldn’t expect my kids to suffer tough times for the faith nor could I respectfully stand on the shoulders of martyrs. Especially if it was only snide comments and remarks. They are aware of where they are visiting. I’d vote that you have a grown up conversation about real respect and boundaries. If they can’t get with the program, then give them a list of reasonably priced hotels.
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aTraditionalist said:
Guests get the same treatment in my home regardless of relationship. I maintain a consistent set of standards so there is no guessing games. I’m the same person today that I’ll be tomorrow. Let’s say the OP hides all the Catholic paraphernalia. The visit is still over shadowed by the MIL’s bigotry and the OP is uncomfortable in her own home. If the OP visits the in laws, do they put out the holy water and throw a picture of the pope up on the wall? She can hide and down play the faith but Our Lord warned that he came not to bring peace, but a sword. Families will turn against one another. She could subtlety deny Our Lord or pick up the cross. In regards to future events, the tone is already set. It’s out of her hands because the MIL is driving this drama. If you set a standard, insist on mutual respect, and enforce the standard, people tend to stay even keeled.
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aTraditionalist, you sound like a real stand-up kind of guy. You sound confident in who you are and what you believe. That is a blessing from God. Please pray for my husband and I to have more self-confidence and to not be so easily intimidated. I’d appreciate it. Thank you.
 
EmeraldOak said:
My MIL does not treat me as a peer but almost in a child-like way, condescending and giving unwanted advice and opinions a lot of the time. I haven’t figured out yet how to get respect from her.
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That’s not YOUR job to figure out. It’s your HUSBANDS job to ensure that it happens. HE needs to set the boundaries with his family and that includes making it very clear to them that snide, rude remarks about your religion or any religious objects in your home WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Period.

He needs to make a phone call before these people show up at your house.

And it would be a very frigid day in you know where before I would hide or remove something in my own home to please a guest, especially something regarding my faith. Not even in the guest room.
 
No, I don’t think you should take down any items at all.

Some in-laws have this weird tendency to be rude and disrespectful to their families, because of the family bond. You know, they think they can say whatever goes in their head because they’re “family”, while if it was at somebody else’s place their mouth would be neatly closed.

Sometimes we have to tell family that if they can’t be respectful in your own home then you will respectfully not invite them for the next get together. 😉
 
Non-Catholic here. If they protest your religious items, they don’t belong in your home. Good riddance! 😛
 
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