Polyamory

[Padres1969]

I’ve run into a troubling and so far very disruptive situation in my life. A long time friend has entered into a relationship with a married woman (who unfortunately is also an acquaintance and family member of another mutual friend). She often spends nights at the paramour’s house. Obviously a bad situation for him to have put himself in to begin with, but the woman’s husband is not only aware of the situation but actually approves of it.

Mutual friends have voiced their disapproval of the situation but are uncomfortably waiting it out assuming it’s a “phase” with him as he’s got a terrible history with women (his last girlfriend tried to kill him) that he usually ends up regretting later. However this has been going on for roughly two years, and very publicly for over a year, and it’s getting harder and harder to just wait out and/or ignore. They defend what they’re doing as “polyamory”. But seeing in particular as two of the parties are married I can only see it as adultery and/or polygamy.

Would an intervention be appropriate? Is it moral to simply give up on a long time friend over such an obviously immoral and frankly due to their circumstances dangerous situation? And of course what are simply the moral implications of such a twisted web?

 

[lemongrass80]

Stay out of it, it’s none of your business. As long as it’s all consenting adults, an intervention is not appropriate.

Totally your choice to remain friends or distance yourself.

 

[Regina7]

Yes, they are committing adultry and they know it. Obviously they don’t think adultry is wrong. There’s really nothing you can do to stop them. As to whether you should remain friends…do you have children? If so, I’d back away from the friendship lest your kids think it’s tacit approval on your part.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Transport yourself to “Another Universe, Far, Far Away.” This not a good friend you need in your life so as was suggested by another poster, you really do need to distance yourself from the coming storm. Stay out of it, but pray for the husband…well, all of them.

 

[Padres1969]

Transport yourself to “Another Universe, Far, Far Away.” This not a good friend you need in your life so as was suggested by another poster, you really do need to distance yourself from the coming storm. Stay out of it, but pray for the husband…well, all of them.

In a perfect world I would definitely take this advice as being around them is not pleasant and just feels wrong, and it definitely riles my wife up something fierce. But unfortunately most of his friends are also our friends, many of whom are not explicitly aware of what is going on. For example a pair of mutual friends just got married a week or so ago, and he and the wife rolled into the wedding as a couple with the husband joining them a short time later and they all 3 sat down at our reception table. They’re hard to avoid in that situation.

And as I mentioned earlier other mutual friends are just hoping it will blow over eventually. What worries me is that the husband works at a gun store and that he’ll eventually come to his senses that they’re both disrespecting him and his marriage (and he’s disrespecting himself by approving of it) and that he’ll do something rash. :bigyikes:

 

[Wesrock]

If he’s a close friend and part of your parish it may be appropriate to express your concern.

 

[Padres1969]

If he’s a close friend and part of your parish it may be appropriate to express your concern.

He’s a close friend, but not a member of my church (or any church as I understand it). At best he’s agnostic or non-denominational.

 

[pianistclare]

He’s a close friend, but not a member of my church (or any church as I understand it). At best he’s agnostic or non-denominational.

Well, there you have it. He doesn’t think it’s wrong on any level.
Say a prayer for him.

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

I say stay out of it and MYOB. Whether or not you choose to still associate with any of them is your choice.

 

[Sheeniac]

It’s a dreadful, immoral situation to be sure. But gossip is a sin, so please be careful with what you and your wife say about it, even to each other. Nothing you can say or do will change their minds - they’ve justified it, and our judgment-free society affirms that their need to be happy is what counts.

I had a situation in my own family, that while not exactly the same, was close enough for comfort. When the Evil One has someone ensnared, especially using sex as the chains of slavery, attempts to talk to them will come across as ignorant, out-dated nonsense.

Also - I know that you don’t mean your words to be insulting, but people who work at gun stores (or own one or many guns) are no more likely to go on a killing spree than anyone else.

 

[edwest2]

I’ve run into a troubling and so far very disruptive situation in my life. A long time friend has entered into a relationship with a married woman (who unfortunately is also an acquaintance and family member of another mutual friend). She often spends nights at the paramour’s house. Obviously a bad situation for him to have put himself in to begin with, but the woman’s husband is not only aware of the situation but actually approves of it.

Mutual friends have voiced their disapproval of the situation but are uncomfortably waiting it out assuming it’s a “phase” with him as he’s got a terrible history with women (his last girlfriend tried to kill him) that he usually ends up regretting later. However this has been going on for roughly two years, and very publicly for over a year, and it’s getting harder and harder to just wait out and/or ignore. They defend what they’re doing as “polyamory”. But seeing in particular as two of the parties are married I can only see it as adultery and/or polygamy.

Would an intervention be appropriate? Is it moral to simply give up on a long time friend over such an obviously immoral and frankly due to their circumstances dangerous situation? And of course what are simply the moral implications of such a twisted web?

If there are friends involved, perhaps someone could talk to him. Ask him where he thinks this is all going. Friends help friends. If he won’t listen, just say you’ll be there for him or pray for him, as appropriate. On the chance that he does listen, he may reconsider. Since I shouldn’t pry, I won’t ask for more details. Pray for him regardless and for all involved.

I’ve seen people do or try a number of sexual situations. They always do not end up well.

Have hope and pray.

God bless,

Ed

 

[Catholic1954]

I would definitely stay out of it and let these three work out their own problems. You are not responsible for what happens if one them looses it and takes it out on the other two. If you can’t cut off all contact, try and limit it as much as possible. I hope there are no children involved; they will be the real victims in this mess.

 

[pnewton]

If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Such sexual immorality seldom remains static and sated. I would have no more to do with it than I would any other sexual deviant, meaning, being supportive of any desire to change but totally distant to him, her and him when they are in that situation.