Pope’s practical advice is traditional advice for a stable marriage

[M-Dent]

** “Argue if you must, break plates too if you feel that way, but always be reconciled to each other before you go sleep”.** That way you may prevent painful separations, he added. He encouraged them, and indeed everybody, to always be ready to ask forgiveness, give pardon and accept pardon.

vaticaninsider.lastampa.it/en/the-vatican/detail/articolo/28350/

It’s funny, when I read this I immediately thought of my parents. My parents were married over 50 years before they both passed (God rest their souls).

Similar to the pope’s advice, when on occasion (especially early years of my marriage) I solicited general advice from one of my parents about an argument w/ my spouse - one piece of advice I would hear MOST often - not to go to sleep angry at one another. Rarely would one of my parents take a side taken on an argument. Just the encouragement to work it out amongst ourselves and not to go to bed angry at one another. And forgive each other…even though it may initially hurt to do so.

My wife and I have been married 26 years and part of this is because of applying this advice – avoiding going to bed angry at one another; recognizing and working on our shortcomings and forgiveness.

 

[MaryT777]

Great advice and a real life example to show it works. Awesome!
Prayers for all married people to put into action these words of the Pope.
Mary.

 

[FrenzyJen]

I respectfully disagree. This does not work in a late night argument. Because by then you are already tired and cranky, and the fighting and trying to resolve the argument just keeps you up later, and you spiral into more of an argument.

My husband and I have often gone to bed angry, and upon waking realize that it wasn’t worth the fight. Going to sleep does the making up for us.

 

[Lorelei12]

I respectfully disagree. This does not work in a late night argument. Because by then you are already tired and cranky, and the fighting and trying to resolve the argument just keeps you up later, and you spiral into more of an argument.

My husband and I have often gone to bed angry, and upon waking realize that it wasn’t worth the fight. Going to sleep does the making up for us.

Agree with this. Sometimes taking a breather, or even getting some sleep, is better than dragging things out and getting nowhere. You go to bed ticked off, and then wake up and wonder what the big deal was.

As a side note, I would also never ask my parents about how to deal with arguments with a spouse. In the two years we’ve been married, my parents have never been aware of any of the fights we’ve had, and we are close and live nearby.

 

[Z1Z2]

My husband and I are among those who do not adhere to the “don’t go to bed angry” rule. More than once, we’ve gone to bed mad and woken up ready to make up.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

When I was in college I worked for a card shop. A man came in to buy a card for his 60th wedding anniversary. He saw my engagement ring and asked me if I wanted to know the secret to marriage. I told him I did! He clearly seemed to be doing something right if he was celebrating his 60th. He told me to make sure to NEVER involve family or friends in our arguments. Keep it within the marriage. If you talk about your disagreements with others they will tend to only remember the bad things about your spouse and they won’t see the whole picture. He and his wife made that mistake early in their marriage and it nearly ruined the marriage.

I always keep this advice in mind and the longer I have been married, the more I realize how true this is. (With the exception of couples in abusive marriages) your arguments are no one’s business but your own. The last thing you need are family members meddling and putting their two cents in constantly or holding grudges.

 

[FrenzyJen]

That, above, is very good advice

 

[manualman]

It’s not so much the going to bed mad that’s the issue, it’s the idea of pushing it down and leaving the conflict unresolved. If you really DO resolve the issue in the morning, fine. But if you’re just going to wake up and pretend all is good, NOT fine.

 

[maryjk]

When I was in college I worked for a card shop. A man came in to buy a card for his 60th wedding anniversary. He saw my engagement ring and asked me if I wanted to know the secret to marriage. I told him I did! He clearly seemed to be doing something right if he was celebrating his 60th. He told me to make sure to NEVER involve family or friends in our arguments. Keep it within the marriage. If you talk about your disagreements with others they will tend to only remember the bad things about your spouse and they won’t see the whole picture. He and his wife made that mistake early in their marriage and it nearly ruined the marriage.

I always keep this advice in mind and the longer I have been married, the more I realize how true this is. (With the exception of couples in abusive marriages) your arguments are no one’s business but your own. The last thing you need are family members meddling and putting their two cents in constantly or holding grudges.

This is so true.

Only talk in the positive about your spouse. No one else needs to know their short comings.

I try to be my husband’s biggest cheer leader. And he is mine.

It’s not so much the going to bed mad that’s the issue, it’s the idea of pushing it down and leaving the conflict unresolved. If you really DO resolve the issue in the morning, fine. But if you’re just going to wake up and pretend all is good, NOT fine.

My in-laws fight by not speaking to each other. When they disagree, they go silent. It is awful. My husband talks about meal times where they didn’t talk to each other. Consequently, my husband thought that was the way to get over disagreements. What a thing to teach your kids.

He was pleasantly pleased when he found out that I wanted to talk it out.

 

[mandajane]

Before we got married, our priest explained it as such -

“Never going to bed angry doesn’t mean you can’t put an argument on hold till the next day. It means being able to say ‘Let’s table this discussion until we’re well-rested.’ Then go to bed in the same bed and still be affectionate. It means to not let the fight or disagreement spill over into the rest of your marriage.”